On Sunday night, I posted about how great Sunday had been. In other words, I looked at the See-Saw that is Parenthood, stuck out my tongue, shouted, "YOU CAAAAAAN'T GET ME! YOU CAAAAN'T GET ME!" thereby tempting the scales to tip the other way because of my cockiness, and basically asking for a butt whoopin' the next day. And a butt whoopin' I got.
Even Monday morning started off a little rough. Here's the conversation I had with Mike about that morning:
Me: We have good news and we have bad news.
Mike: Okay...
Me: The bad news is that we have to make a donation to the local police department.
Mike: WHY???!!!!???
Me: Well, that's the good news. I got a Driving Award for being the fastest person on the road today!!! We have to make a donation in order for me to claim my Award.
Mike: Grrreeeeaaaaat.
****
The workday was okay though despite a rough start to the morning and as I was leaving I was telling a coworker about how much I LOVE the age that Olivia is now, how'd I'd like to freeze this age and just enjoy all of the funny things she says and does and the way she is figuring out her world. I rushed home to see the sweet monkey who makes me smile so much.
Dinner was great and Mike and I fawned over our Angel Child, remarking how cute she is and funny and just THE BEST KID EVER. She wanted to sit on my lap and I let her because she's so stinkin' perfect. Then she started climbing me as though I had sprouted a set of monkey bars and a rock wall. So I put her down. Because I'm old and tired and don't enjoy being climbed.
THEN DEMONS INVADED MY HOME, POSSESSED MY CHILD, AND RUINED MY NIGHT.
I'm serious. The second I put her down, all HELL broke loose and didn't stop until she finally passed out from exhaustion.
Luckily though, she's old enough to learn lessons about PSYCHOTIC BEHAVIOR. We calmly walked her to her room and explained that her actions were unacceptable and she could have a time out until she was ready to quiet down. She screamed until she coughed, kicked her legs so hard that we could hear the house shake, and repeatedly said "I WANT TO STOP WHINING!!!" As she was whining.
We asked if she was done, ready to pick up her dinner mess, and take a bath to get ready for bed. She shouted "NO!" and fell on the ground screaming some more. At one point, I asked her to get up and she proceeded to tell me the she didn't know how to walk. True story. I mean, really when she said that, I just looked at Mike and said, "I got nothin' for that one."
We tried multiple times to give her an opportunity to come out and act like a normal person but she declined each time with even crazier behavior. Eventually, we just put her in her room and explained that if she didn't want to act like a sane person, she could just go to bed for the night. We put her pj's on, put her in bed, and left the room. She sat in her bed, peed right in the middle of it, and then screamed bloody murder until we came back in. We changed sheets, changed pj's, and, oh yes, even the comforter. Because if you are going to prove a point to your parents about how they are the weaker contender, you don't make it easy by just peeing on the sheets. You destroy the comforter too.
We held strong. I started a load of laundry, grabbed a quilt from the closet, and put her back in bed. As I tucked her in, Captain Crazy Pants said ever-so-sweetly, "I want you to lay down with me." I replied, "Only if we perform an exorcism first." I kid, I kid.
I did tuck her in and explained that she needed to spend some time by herself for her behavior and that we would try again tomorrow. She sniffled and asked "I can have good behavior tomorrow?" Awwwww, heart melting.
Mike and I emerged from her room victorious. We had slain the demon and recovered our normally sweet and rational child back! And it had only taken...2 & 1/2 hours????? WTH??? Our entire friggin' evening had been spent in battle. *Sigh*
No matter though. Go ahead and put last night in the Win column for remaining calm...well, okay maybe one time I yelled for her to please be quiet...But really, we stayed the course and remained firm and it sucked majorly. And I have no idea if it was even effective except that tonight was infinitely better so maybe that's a sign. We have no idea. Hopefully being calm and loving but firm with her will help her learn boundaries and self control. Maybe I'll be washing more comforters. There's no telling, I guess.
All I know is I'm starting to rethink the movie The Exorcist. I used to think it was about a demon possession. Now, I'm pretty sure it was just a movie about a toddler.
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