One month and counting...

It seems that bedtime is officially our "horror time" in the Milligan household. Olivia HATES bedtime with a passion! The child could be sound asleep and the minute we swaddle her and put her in her bed, she starts thrashing around and screaming at the top of her lungs. Last night was no exception. And as I type this, she's sitting in my lap, all swaddled up, and screaming like a banshee.

At the end last night's ordeal, I told Mike that I wasn't sure I was really cutting it as a mom. He assured me that we are GREAT parents. "How would you know? We haven't done anything great," was my response. His reply: "Well, we've managed to keep her alive for a month. In my mind, that's pretty damn great." Good point, Mike.

Today marks one month since Olivia Anne took over our house, our sanity, and our hearts. While we wouldn't say that this past month has been "fun," we'd definitely say it's been a learning experience. We've had so many firsts with her this month: her first Cowboys game, her first time at church, her first meal out at a restaurant, and the first time we fell in love with someone we just met--someone who screams at us constantly, poops on us, throws up on us, and demands that everything be about her 100% of the time. It's the most challenging and amazing love Mike and I have ever experienced.

It's crazy how much can change in a month. Having a child has suddenly made the passage of time so much more real for me. I can actually SEE how much growth can take place in one short month. Her growth is exciting and sad all at the same time. Often, I hold her in my arms and just watch her sleep, knowing that someday she'll no longer fit in my arms or my lap or even want to be there anymore.

While this first month has felt a little like a major ass kicking, I'll take it for those few moments when I can hold my sweet baby in my arms and study all of her perfect features. I'll take it for those few moments when she looks up and studies me with those big blue eyes. And I'll take it to feel this overwhelming and awesome love in my heart.  

Today, I just wanted to share a few pictures of Oli's first month of life. She's an amazing and beautiful child and we hope you enjoy seeing her grow as much as we do! 

One Month Today!!

And some others...

Adventures in Breast Feeding

Let me just begin this post by saying that I LOVE that I am able to breast feed my child. BUT breast feeding has definitely been an adventure in and of itself and at times it's been a challenging one. Let me also say that I believe breastfeeding is the best possible food for a child BUT I also respect a mom's decision to breastfeed or not. It's definitely not easy.

I've known for a long time that I wanted to breast feed my child. Why wouldn't I, right? After all, there are so many wonderful health benefits for the baby and for me. And all of the photos I had seen of breast feeding moms and babies seemed so idyllic.

There sat the mom on a bench in a beautiful park. She has her shirt up but you can't even tell or see anything really. The baby is at the mom's breast eating peacefully as mom looks down lovingly at her sweet infant. There even seems to be this sort of angelic light surrounding both of them.

Yeah. Right.

Here's how a typical "meal" for Olivia goes:

First, The Boss Lady starts rooting around so we can usually tell when it's time for her to eat. She'll usually give us about 5 minutes of this before reaching what we like to call Nuclear Melt Down Mode. When The Boss Lady is ready to eat, her food better be ready to be served!

While she's screaming at me, I try to quickly pull up my shirt and unsnap my nursing bra. I try to do this gracefully, but it just does not happen. I mean these nursing bras are meant to be user friendly (I think) but I would swear the snaps are child proof. And when you have an infant screaming at you to get her damn dinner ready already, those snaps seem like steel bear traps. Meanwhile, my shirt is up around my chin and you can pretty much tell just how much baby weight I haven't lost yet.

Once my breast is out and ready to be served, she attacks it like a starving man at a Cici's buffet. Her head sort of bobs around on the nipple and she starts breathing heavily. When she finally latches on, she makes a sound akin to a seven year old slurping spaghetti as milk runs down the side of her cheek and onto my belly/arm/jeans/couch cushion/whatever happens to be directly below her mouth.

After she's done, she just sort of falls asleep and her head rolls back. She usually opens one glazed eye and stares up at me as she belches like a frat boy at a keg party. Then, she's out. I'm left trying to get the Bear Trap Nursing Bra to snap back and pull my shirt down one-handed.

Sounds like a bad one-night-stand, right???

And let's not get into the time I had to pump for like 20 minutes to get enough milk out of my breasts so they were no longer as hard or as big as basketballs. Or how my nipples feel so sore that the fabric from my shirt actually makes them hurt. Or how when I get ready in the morning, I'd better put a bra on stat or risk slipping on my own milk on the bathroom tile.

All this being said: breastfeeding REALLY IS worth it!!! For real!! I know there are so many of my mom friends out there trying to do this for their babies who are struggling at times and thinking "Why on earth am I doing this???"

However, like most things in this crazy world of parenthood, it really does get easier!! So, if you've just started or you are thinking about picking up a Costco/Sam's size supply of formula--hang in there!

Besides, the time I get to spend with The Boss Lady as she nurses is so wonderful--even if I do have to listen to a few slurping noises in the meantime.

A different kind of Saturday night...

Okay, so my Saturday evening didn't go quite the way I envisioned. The minute I finished my last post, my angel woke up wanting to be held. We did join Mike on the patio but only long enough to inform him that we needed to give Sweet Pea a bath and fix something for dinner for the 2 of us.

After falling asleep on the couch together (Yes, all 3 of us! It was bliss!), we woke around 11 and headed to bed. We got Oli ready and I laid down in bed to nurse her. There I sat with my sweet baby in one arm and a good book in the other. She was nursing peacefully and I stroked her back. That's when I felt it. That warm, wet, gooey feeling that can only be one thing: baby poop. I froze. I gagged. I tried to think clearly. Did I interrupt a peaceful eater to clean off my arm and her back? Did I just continue nursing her while holding one arm up in the air and pray that no other poop ended up on any other surface?

I did what any mother of a quietly nursing infant would do: I screamed "Oh my God!!! This is so gross! Mike, get me a towel!!!" And he did what any sweet, supportive husband and father would do: He laughed. A lot. At me. And SLOWLY went to get me a towel.

And so our Saturday night ended with us cleaning up poop both off of ourselves and our sweet baby. I went to sleep that night thinking, "How in the hell can a baby actually poop up her own back???"

After all of that, this morning I woke to find The Boss Lady curled up next to me sleeping soundly. She has this sweet and kind of weird way of sleeping where she clenches her fists up near her face and arches her back. During the early hours of the morning, she stretches and arches her back even more and make these crazy faces where she puckers her lips and furrows her brow. And I swear it is the cutest most amazing sight in the world. Mike and I just laid there watching her for a few moments.

Okay, so our Saturday night didn't end in the greatest way possible. But, our Sunday morning began in such an amazing way.

Here's hoping for a better night!

Just thought I'd share a conversation Mike and I had last night after Olivia screamed at us for about 2 hours:

Me: "Okay, I quit. Where do I turn in my notice??"

Mike: "Unfortunately, Steph, this is like the Mafia. There's no quitting."

Me: "Super."

Right now, our sweet angel is sleeping in her crib. Mike is on the back patio having a beer and I intend to join him right after I post this. Here's hoping for a better night tonight!

Let the good times begin!

Okay, so I've FINALLY started a blog! I've put it off for awhile now for several reasons; however, since I joined the Land of Mommyhood, I find I have so many things on my mind that I need to get them out of my head and out in to cyber-world.

On August 24, 2010 at 7:54 a.m., God blessed my husband Mike and I with a sweet little miracle we have named Olivia Anne. She was 9 lbs, 3 oz and is the most beautiful child either of us have ever seen! On that day began my adventures in this crazy world called Mommyhood.

And just so everyone's clear: I intend to be VERY realistic about my adventures in this crazy, crazy world. So, if you are looking for a blog that talks about how parenthood is a dreamland where you wake up every day feeling like a million bucks, you should find another web address to hang out at!

I'm not saying that mommyhood isn't wonderful. It totally is! But it has it's moments when I want to run screaming down the street--and I'm only 3 & 1/2 weeks in! And it seems that most moms (and dads!) have had that moment. You know, the one where the sweet and amazing miracle of life you and your husband created looks at you, opens her/his mouth and screams a scream so horrible that your head starts splitting, your boobs start leaking, and your bones start aching. You and your partner look at each other and ask "What in the hell did we get ourselves into???"

And the next day, your sweet angel baby is back. Giving you those sweet eyes and funny faces that make you wonder if you dreamt the whole screaming episode the night before. You start to wonder if that sleep deprivation really IS making you hallucinate (there's a reason it's a form of torture!).

With every day, you learn and grow and are stretched beyond what you thought possible. Life is supposed to be about the journey and this journey is definitely one worth taking!

So, welcome to my adventures! I hope you have as much fun as I do...