Party On!

How can I ever begin to describe Olivia's birthday party this past Saturday? In a word, it was

AWESOME!!!

I really don't know any other way to sum it up better than that. We had a house full of kids, friends, and family and I loved every minute of it! We did a "splash party" with water activities for the kids outside, we had a margarita machine for the grown-ups, and, of course, way more food than we could eat. The cake and decorations were so beautiful and though our house is not huge, it was comfortably crowded on Saturday. The Boss Lady got some very generous and fun clothes, toys, and gift cards. She also did a great job tearing into her smash cake! The kid definitely takes after me! All of the kids got along and seemed to have a blast. Not ONE of them had a meltdown the whole evening!

But most of all, our house with filled with the love and support of our family and friends. Cheesy but true.

The next morning, I surveyed the mess that was now my house. There was cupcake crumbled in the dining room carpet, little foot prints on the kitchen tile, and my backyard looked like someone had done figure 8's in it in their monster truck. And I loved every bit of it. Seriously. I love knowing that our life is filled with an enormous amount of excitement and fun and a little bit of mess. The mess in my house Sunday morning was the aftermath of an incredible outpouring of love and excitement for the celebration of Olivia's birthday.

I am still on a high from the awesomeness that it was. This might be silly but I kind of needed that party to have some closure on the fact that I actually, really do have a 1 year old. I didn't talk about this too much, but the days leading up to Olivia's first birthday were so surreal, sad, and a little challenging for me. I felt so excited about this milestone but also a little sad that my "baby" is really, truly a toddler. It's hard for me to let go of the tiny little person she once was. I needed a big celebration to ease the transition into this new chapter.

To say thank you to everyone that was here would not be sufficient to truly express the gratitude in our hearts and souls. We are more blessed than we ever thought possible. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who came to celebrate. There are many who were unable to attend and we appreciate your well wishes that day. I had a flood of texts on Saturday that just made that day even better. Thank you for thinking of us and for being a part of our celebration!

We hope all of you know how much we love and appreciate you. I hope we are as good to you as you are to us. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again and again and again!

The scrapbook table featuring the beast of a scrapbook I finished of Oli's first year! People left messages for her to be included later.

The fireplace mantel featuring all of her 1 month birthday pics and the book where her birth story was published.

The cake and cupcakes

So cute, right?!?!?

It was so gorgeous AND delicious!

The Boss Lady splashes with some friends.

"Um, what am I supposed to do with this and why is everyone staring at and singing to me?"

"Seriously, what the heck is going on?"

"OH!! Now I get it!! YUM!!!"

"IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!"

Oli and her loot.

Happy Birthday, Doug!

Today is The Boss Lady's big birthday extravaganza! Okay, well, if you call hamburgers, hot dogs, and an assortment of chips an "extravaganza" anyway. I'm up early to finish getting prepped for the party and I feel like a kid at Christmas. I've had so much fun planning this shindig. I actually FINISHED the scrapbook for her first year! I'm friggin' superwoman over here!

Today has some other significance as well. It was exactly this day last year that we brought our sweet girl home. Boy, were we clueless! I was so excited to get out of that hospital. That morning, I woke up and starting packing our bags. The nursery got Olivia all dressed in her going-home outfit. We held her, stared at her beautiful face, and marveled at how we made the most incredible little person. Slowly and carefully, we lifted her into her carseat carrier. And then she started screeching. For 2 hours. I refused to leave. I refused to be the woman walking down the hallway with a screeching baby! But eventually she settled down and we headed home only to find out that that screeching fit was only a preview of what was to come!

Unfortunately, this significance of this day is tinged with a little sadness too. Today is my father-in-law, Doug's birthday. I haven't mentioned Doug very often here but it's not because he hasn't played an important role in my life. The fact is, I never got to meet Doug Milligan. When I met Mike, Doug had been dead for about 6 months. At that time, Mike was just in the beginning stages of grief over losing the man who was his best friend. In fact, watching Mike go through that convinced me that I would love him forever. Each time he revealed his pain to me, I literally felt that pain. How could I not spend forever with someone whose pain had become my own?

Doug was killed in a tragic car accident on July 24, 2004. He and my mother-in-law, Margaret, had just been here visiting Mike and his brother, Matt, and they were driving back home to Albuquerque. Just outside of town, a man who was intoxicated and on other drugs swerved into their lane, hitting them head on. Margaret was the only survivor of this accident.

I don't share these details to make this post even more sad. I share them because they are the circumstances which robbed my husband, mother-in-law, brother- and sister-in-law, and countless others of a man they loved and had plans of a future with. They are the circumstances which robbed me and my daughter of ever getting to know a man whom I have never heard a bad word about.

Though I did not get to know Doug in person, I feel I do know who he was. He was kind and patient. He was easy going but was known to have quite the meltdown when his fuse finally burned down! He had a big booming voice and a wonderful laugh. He worked hard everyday of his life. He served in the Vietnam war and saved countless lives in doing so. He was warm and funny and loving. He was an amazing husband to Margaret. He was an incredible dad to Mike and his brother, Matt.

I've been able to know Doug through his family. I've gotten to know him in getting to know my husband and Matt. As far as I can tell, they each inherited parts of his personality. Mike is easy going but has a sensitive heart. And he's Doug's mini-me much as Oli is Mike's. Matt is the practical joker, always smiling and willing to do whatever.

In the past year, I've gotten to know Doug even more by watching his son be a dad himself. Doug set the bar high for fatherhood and Mike has taken everything he received from Doug and he gives it to Olivia.

My daugher won't know the amazing Doug Milligan in person. But she'll know him through Mike, through Matt, through Margaret, and through the countless friends and family members who keep his memory alive. She'll get to know that he would have loved spending time with her and getting to know her and that he will always be with her in spirit.

I wish I could have known this amazing man who touched so many lives. I wish I could thank him for teaching Mike what it means to be a husband and a dad. I know he would be so proud of his son for giving his whole heart to both. I am indebted to Doug for the amazing man I get to spend my life with.

I know that Doug believed in really living life and being in the moment. Today, we won't sit around and mourn that he isn't here to blow out the candles on his birthday cake. We'll celebrate Oli's first birthday and know that Doug is watching and cheering us on.

Happy Happy Birthday, Doug.

The Village People and the Birthday

"It takes a village to raise a child."

These are the words of wisdom told to me by my friend Christina just after I had Olivia. "Oh, yes," I agreed, nodding my head vigorously. Of course it takes a village. I indicated I knew exactly what she meant. I didn't really have a clue though. How could I have understood that expression since I hadn't ever seen myself as a villager. I always thought of myself as more of a Deserted Islander type. My moto in life was "If you don't take care of yourself, no one else will." I didn't need a village to help raise my child. I just needed to pull it together.

Yet something in me knew there was a reason that the saying wasn't "Babies are best kept on deserted islands." Yes, some part of me knew that Christina was right,

"It takes a village to raise a child."

But there I was, at 3 a.m., nursing my baby, trying with everything in me to meet her needs. Trying to stop her cries, trying to stop my own. There I was, not calling those friends who had told me that I could call anytime if I needed something or just wanted to talk. If I could not help myself, how could they possibly help? And what if they saw, finally, that I was not strong? What if they found me weak, needy, incapable of being a mother? What if they saw that I did not have it all together as I so wanted them to think? What if they knew how scared, frustrated, and exhausted I was?

I was afraid of the village. I was afraid of what its people would think of me once they realized I wasn't keeping it all together. I did everything in my power those first few weeks to prove that I could go this alone.

My step-mom, Lisa, got to witness this first hand. She came and stayed with us just after Olivia was born. She was the first of the "moms" to come help out and in my quest to prove that I could do it all, I refused to let her help. My inability to let go, caused a small divide in our once close relationship. Though we have made amends, I wish I could have let go enough to let her in. The truest testament to her awesomeness is that she stuck by me even when I tried to push her away.

After she left, my mom and MIL came to help and I let them...well at least a little. Slowly, I started letting others in. I called those friends who said I could call anytime with questions or just venting. I started asking for help when I needed it. Suddenly, it was as if something inside of me just woke up and I had the realization that I could not do everything all by myself. If I was going to be successful at motherhood, I needed a village.

Then I started writing these zany blogs and letting all of you in on my secret that I'm not so together after all. It feels GREAT to ask for help. It feels incredible to reach out to all of you, to family and friends, to random strangers in the grocery store who help me out to my car with my groceries because my child is having a nuclear melt down. It feels incredible to just let go sometimes and let you all, my villagers, step in to help.

The really sad thing is that all of these years I've considered myself a Deserted Islander, I've really been surrounded by all of you the entire time. I wasn't on a deserted island. I just had my head in my butt. I have been blind for nearly 30 years as to how much I have relied on this village. In learning this reliance, I have been shown just how much I can depend on others. I've been shown just how much I never really did it all myself to begin with. I've also learned to lean on my husband a lot more. I have come to appreciate the fact that,

"It takes a village to raise a child." 

Today, we celebrate Olivia's first birthday and as I've been reflecting on the past year, this phrase has been the thought that has been bouncing around in my head.

Mike and I have been joking that we are celebrating today because we've managed to keep our kid alive for an entire year! The first year party, we said, is really just a survival party for us! But we did not survive this alone. If we are successful at this parenting gig, if we have been able to raise Oli well this first year, if we still have even a shred of sanity, it is due in large part to all of YOU, our village.

I wish I could name all of you individually for all you have done. There are so many that I fear I would leave someone out. We have been seriously blessed this year to have had all of you in our lives. I am completely overwhelmed when I think of the numerous times that all of you were here to support us.

Today, on this incredible day that we celebrate the birth of The Boss Lady, I want to say THANK YOU to all of you for being here for us this first year. Thank you for laughing with us, crying with us, and keeping us together. Thank you for the times you listened, gave advice, or just a hug. Thank you for not judging when we failed and for celebrating our successes.

Thank you for being with us through the most incredible year of our lives. And it's only just getting started...

Happy Happy Birthday to the one and only Olivia Anne!

Sunday Funday

We have a new tradition here at Casa Milligan. We call it Sunday Funday and it goes a little something like this: Every Sunday at around 3 or 4 in the afternoon, we turn on Jimmy Buffett radio (courtesy of Pandora), start mixing up margaritas, and we dance around the house as we make dinner and close out the weekend. We blast the music and sing along to Brown Eyed Girl (except we change the words to Blue Eyed Girl since we are usually singing to The Boss Lady) and It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere (has there ever been a song with more truer words spoken??). Sometimes we hold Oli in our arms and whisk her all over the kitchen and living room. Sometimes she stands between us bouncing up and down to the beat. Sunday Fundays are extremely casual too. You'll usually find Mike and me in shorts and t-shirts and Oli in just a diaper.

Sunday Fundays came about a few weeks ago when Mike said "We need more margaritas in this house!" Well, you don't have to tell me twice! Ha! We just realized that sometimes Sundays can be a little 'blah' because they are the signal of the impending work week. We just wanted a way to make them more fun and celebratory. So we do!

About two Sundays ago, as we sat down to eat dinner, No Woman, No Cry, playing softly in the background, Mike asked if I thought we have more fun than most other people. I don't really know. But, I do know that we have A LOT of fun in our house.

Sure, we have our bad days. For instance, a couple of weeks ago on both Saturday and Sunday I had mini-meltdowns because Olivia was being so clingy that I literally could do NOTHING without being fussed at. It was pretty unpleasant. She really perfected her Clingy Spider Monkey act. And some days I'm so worn out that I have to drink 4 cups of coffee to keep from falling asleep standing up.

For the most part though, we have a really good time with our life. Even on the bad days, we seem to rally and push the re-set button. Having fun with this life has become a way of life for us.

A couple of months ago, a friend told me that it seemed that motherhood had been easy for me. I can't remember the exact wording but basically, by reading this blog and probably some of my Facebook statuses, she had come to the conclusion that my journey in this crazy Land of Parenthood had been easy. When I told Mike this, I was shocked. Easy? Where on earth was she getting that idea?

Mike pointed out that, when I write, I almost always have something humorous to say and I try to find the bright spot and that's probably how she got that idea. Furthermore, he said, motherhood had been fairly easy for me. But not because the chips had somehow miraculously fallen right into place. Mike reminded me of the fun in our life. He reminded me that we always find the silver lining, the thing that makes life fun and interesting and sometimes hilarious. That's what has made motherhood "easy" for me.

Here's the thing though: mine and Mike's life hasn't always been easy. We both lost our dads before their time. Mine lost his battle with cancer and Mike's dad was killed tragically in a car accident at the hands of drunk driver. These two men didn't leave this earth without leaving us with an invaluable way of looking at life though. They never knew each other, but Doug Milligan and Bill Grady, probably would have been great friends. They LOVED life.

No matter what situation you put them in, no matter who they were with, or how much money they had, they made the best of everything. There was not a situation they could not find a way to be happy in. We strive to embrace that part of our dads. The way we look at it is this: We have a choice every single day when we wake up. We can either mourn the lives of those we've lost or let the upsets from the past get us down, OR we can live THIS life. This one life. This one chance we get to make it count. And we make it count big time.

We embrace the crazy. There are a lot of things in this life we can't control. We've mostly stopped trying. When Oli was born, I thought I could keep everything exactly like it was before she got here. I thought I could control every outcome, every emotion, every event that happened in our lives. I got the wake up call of a lifetime when I realized I wasn't really in control at all. And I really hadn't ever been.

I had a choice when that realization struck. I could fight it, still trying to maintain my illusion of control. Or I could let go, get messy, and have a lot more fun. I let motherhood change me. I opened my heart, my mind, and I let go. I made a choice to just be in the moment. Because that's all you get. I CHOOSE this circus life of mine.

As I often am along this journey, I'm struck by the correlation of my experiences in motherhood and my experience in my faith life. When I became a Christian, when I really embraced my faith, I had two choices then too. I could choose to keep living life as I had been before I let God into my life. But then what would have been the point? The choice I made, made me nervous. It meant giving up control. I chose to let my relationship with God change me. I chose to let it make me better. I still choose it everyday.

In the same way that I'll some day teach Oli about making good choices, I remember that same lesson for my life now.

So, instead of worrying about the laundry that needs to be done or the fact that The Boss Lady has scattered toys and Tupperware around every room of my house, I'll toast with my sweet husband on Sunday afternoon, turn up the volume, grab Oli, and dance.

*I could NOT figure out a way to flip this video but it was too cute not to share!

Happy Birthday, Mikey!

Today is my sweet Miguel's 36th birthday! The first birthday I ever celebrated with him was his 30th and at that time he was dreading his 30's. To help him overcome that dread, I threw a huge surprise party for him and, I think he would agree here, it definitely helped ease him into this decade! Though he doesn't like to make a big deal about his birthday, I love it and am always asking him weeks in advance what he wants or what he wants to do.

The reason I love Mike's birthday so much is because it is a day that is all about HIM. He rarely takes time out for himself and I tend to be the loud mouth of our team so he doesn't request a lot of attention be paid to him. But I think he deserves it. Mike is an incredible man and I love getting to celebrate his awesomeness!

So, in honor of his 36th year on this earth, here are 36 things I love about my amazing husband:

1. His smile that is seriously ear to ear. That grin gets me every time.
2. His shoulders. They're sexy.
3. The fact that he gets up every single morning at 5 a.m. without saying a single curse word. How does he do that??
4. The way he walks in the door with a huge smile on his face and excitement written all over it at the prospect of seeing Olivia.
5. He never calls in sick to work. Though I often encourage him to play hooky, he has the best work ethic that I have ever come across.
6. His collection of tri-athlon shirts.
7. His collection of tri-athlon metals.
8. The fact that he competes in tri-athlons. Seriously, I'm in awe of this and so very, very proud.
9. His love of rum.
10. The fact that he looks in a different drawer every morning for the silverware even though it's been in the same place for the past several years. I give him a hard time about this but I secretly think it's cute and if he didn't do it, I'm not sure what I would do.
11. His old-man-Milligan habit of walking out on the front porch to see what all the commotion is about every time something is going on in our neighborhood.
12. The fact that he HATES scary movies.
13. The way that he describes food kind of erotically. Like after he describes a hamburger he had for lunch, I feel a little sweaty and drool-ey.
14. How he works out almost every single night. At 9 o'clock!
15. He has the most wonderful and sensitive heart.
16. His beautiful eyes and eyelashes.
17. Watching him play with Oli and the way he lights up when he looks at her.
18. Listening to him give Oli her bath at night and the way his voice hits this high pitch that I've never heard before. The man will do anything to make that kid smile.
19. His attachment to sentimental items.
20. How he has a love for bar-b-que but he never makes me go eat it except once a year. On his birthday.
21. His willingness to do anything I ask of him.
22. The way he loves and respects his mom and grandma. Ladies, that is a sure-fire way to know how your man is going to treat YOU!
23. How he always gives me updates on what is going on around town. Example: "Hey, Steph, did you see that they are building a new oil change place off of Hwy 360 and Abram?"
24. His love of conspiracy theory.
25. His future goals for our family and how passionate he is about them.
26. The fact that he puts up with my crazy a$$!
27. The way he is supportive but honest with me at all times.
28. The fact that he decorated the garage in an attempt to claim some spot in this house as his "Man Room."
29. The way he whips up a mean breakfast burrito! Seriously, we should open a breakfast burrito stand.
30. How he has this silly, playful, smart-alecky side.
31. His laugh. It's so pure.
32. The way he drives like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. I often wonder how he makes it home everyday.
33. How his brain works. Thank goodness he understands the stock market because I sure as heck don't! It's like another language and he speaks it well. He is so very smart.
34. He always finds the positive in everything.
35. His easy-going, laid-back personality.
36. The way he pushes me to be better, without pushing at all. The way he is so incredible that he makes me want to be deserving of that incredible-ness.

Happy Birthday to my best friend, my partner, my sweet Mike. I love you more than all of the stars in the sky...

Buy the Book!!!!

Okay, so remember when I said that Olivia's birth story had been selected to be published in a book about birth? Well, the book is out AND you can order it!

Just click on the link on this blog page--look to the right of this post. The book is called The Birth Next Door and I am so excited about it! My copy is on the way!!

There are all different kinds of birth stories in this book so it will be a great read!

Enjoy!