A Milligan Family Christmas

This Christmas has been full of miracles!! Now, don't get too excited. Keep in mind that in the land of parenthood, "miracles" is a relative term. But, I'll call the recent happenings in this house miracles none the less.

About 2 weeks ago, I had the bright idea to get family pictures done for Christmas. I have always loved those family pictures with the Christmas tree in the background and the kids in their pretty Christmas dresses and I wanted one of those pictures with my sweet hubby and The Boss Lady. But I KNEW going in to it not to expect too much. When I told Mike I wanted to do this, I told him that I had no expectations for these photos and that if every picture of Oli was of her screaming her head off then so be it. Our families would just have to have photos of our angel doing her Demon Scream on their walls for the next year!

We made our appointment for 7:50 a.m. since our baby is a morning person. She slept in that morning and when we showed up at the studio ON TIME, wait let me say that again,

ON TIME!!!

she was in great spirits. We took our pictures and got some great shots of our sweet girl. You'll see the awsesome shots below! I was so excited and felt like I was on top of the world. Afteward, we headed to church and we were on time again!!! The rest of our afternoon was spent relaxing around the house. Christmas Miracle Number 1.

My sister and I also took Oli to see Santa and she did great!! She didn't smile at him but she was, as Santa put it, "neutral." In the land of parenthood, "neutral" is ALWAYS good! Christmas Miracle Number 2.

The Christmas Miracles just kept coming this weekend as we embarked on a 3 Day Christmas Celebration Extravaganza! For 3 days, we celebrated the holiday with family and not one meltdown occurred. Olivia was a champ through all of our visits and getting out of her normal routine. She loved all of the attention and even showed some interest in her gifts. Well, maybe she was more interested in the wrapping paper and bows but she she still had a great time! And so did we!!

I am so very amazed by my sweet child. I was so looking forward to this first Christmas with her and it truly was wonderful. Actually, it would have been wonderful if she had had a meltdown or two. It was wonderful just because she is here. But it sure was nice that our Christmas was meltdown free!

This Christmas truly was one to remember. Last year, we were only imagining what it would be like to be celebrating with our sweet baby. This year, we got to watch her giggle and smile as we spent time with our incredible families.

As I was putting away our Christmas loot tonight, I couldn't believe it's already over. This season, I was rushed and it was hectice and I was buying gifts on Christmas Eve on the internet at 8 p.m. (for real). I didn't get my Christmas cards out until December 21 and I didn't have enough cute Christmas stationary to print our Christmas letter on. I was so pressed for time to get everything done this year that I even let Mike help me decorate the tree (this is a big deal, trust me!). But, despite all of the craziness, it was the the greatest Christmas on record here in the Milligan house.

I especially want to thank our families again for all that they have done for us. Our families were so generous with us and our angel and we are so blessed that we got to spend time with all of them. They truly made this holiday season so special by being a part of our circus!

And speaking of my little circus, I'll have to wrap this up now. Because, while The Boss Lady may have been great about breaking her bedtime routine these past 3 days, she is NOT okay about going back to it. She's currently in her bed letting me (and most of the neighborhood) know just how unhappy she is. I'll still go to bed tonight with a smile on my face though; thankful for the miracle of my sweet little girl and this awesomeness that was The Milligan Family Christmas.

In joyful hope

There's a part of the Mass that's been on my mind lately, when the priest says "...we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Lord, Jesus Christ." This month, that line has really been sticking out for me. I love that the church celebrates the coming of Christ with joyful hope. Or should I say JOYFUL!! HOPE!!! Because that's how I feel when I hear that line. The priest doesn't say "...we wait in fear and trepidation..." We are to be joyful and hopeful that Christ is coming.

Tomorrow is Christmas Day and more than 2,000 years ago, many waited in joyful hope for the birth of Christ. I can't imagine all of the buzz and excitement that must have been in the air. Isn't that how every season since feels? I was at the mall today and there is just an energy right now that you can almost touch. Things just feel different this season. Even though this may or may not be the actual time of year that Jesus was born, people still get so excited about celebrating his birth. Even those who don't attend church or practice their faith regularly, just feel the anticipation of such a grand event.

I remember waiting just 4 short months ago in joyful hope for the birth of my daughter. Okay, so she's not as big of a deal as Jesus Christ but she's still pretty cool and it was the grandest event in mine and Mike's life together. I can't believe we will celebrate our first Christmas with her tomorrow and we are so excited that she is here to be a part of our family traditions now!

Today our angel is 4 months old and as Mike would say, "Well, we've kept her alive for 4 whole months." But, I'd venture to say we've done better than that.

We have an amazing little girl who is growing and learning every single day. She's discovering the world around her and we are in awe of the new things she is doing--grabbing her toes, giggling, smiling, reaching out for things, trying to sit up. And, okay, so maybe she would have learned those things if she was being raised by a pack of wolves but we still like to think we have a little something to do with her awesomeness!

Watching her take in the world around her is just fascinating. I find that every morning, when I get up, I am so excited to start the day with her. I am joyful and hopeful for what that day will bring and what her future holds.

I love hearing her on the baby monitor as she coos and grunts, trying to get out of her swaddle or roll over. I love seeing her face light up when I come in the room and look over her crib. She sleeps through the night so often now that I don't see her from about 8 to almost 7 and I miss her. Mike will probably have me crowned Queen Wackadoo for saying this but sometimes I miss those 4 a.m. wake-up calls because it gave me some extra time with her. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be woken at 4 a.m. by a crying baby! But, I do get so excited to see her each morning. The other night, she did wake up at that time and I certainly didn't squeal in excitement. I think I said "Crap." Or some other version of that word. I don't remember exactly. I was tired. It was 4 in the flippin' morning.

Lately, I find that every day I feel joyful and hopeful about what that day will bring and I am thankful to my sweet Oli for that. I know that I was a joyful and hopeful person before her but there is something about having her here that makes me more aware of how much I have to be joyful and hopeful about. Every month, sometimes daily, things are changing and I'm so excited to see what Oli learns and does in month 5.

Tonight, we'll go to our first midnight Mass as a family of 3 and I am so excited to start  this tradition with The Boss Lady. I know I'm probably asking for a big butt kicking by taking a 4 month old out at midnight but I still want us to do this together. See, I am learning something here. Low expectations!

So now we celebrate the birth of the Savior of our world and the 4 month birthday of our very own angel. And we'll wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Lord and for whatever this next month brings.

This contraption is an eye-sore and takes up about 100 square feet of our house but Oli loves her bouncer!!!

Love, love, love this smile!

Oli loves her daddy!

She always has her hands in her mouth these days. Tried gto take a good 4 month photo of her this morning but she was more interested in her red shoes!  

The Giggle Monster!

I'll do anything to hear this sound! 

Finding Out

One year ago today, Mike and I got the best Christmas gift EVER when we found out we would be spending Christmas 2010 as a family of 3! Tonight as I rocked our sweet angel to sleep, I remembered that I imagined having nights like this with her that first night that I knew she was growing inside of me.

At some point in 2009, Mike and I started to get the Itch. You know, the one where you look at each, look at your friends' babies, look back at each other, and then one of you says, "Wouldn't it be cool if we had a baby of our own?"

Once we had the Itch, we decided to wait to scratch it until after my sister's wedding in late October. She had a destination wedding so we knew we'd want to go and fully enjoy the benefits of an all-inclusive resort.

At the end of October, I had my yearly appointment with my OBGYN and I proudly announced that Mike and I were ready to "start trying" to have a baby! I sort of gushed when I said it. It felt like I was getting this really cool secret out and I asked if there was anything we needed to start doing. She gave me 2 great pieces of advice:

1. Have sex. (Yea!!)

2. Be patient. (Wait...what? I am sooooooo not good at that.)

So, on November 1, we officially started trying to create a Miniature Milligan. And, taking my doctors advice to heart, we successfully completed step 1. Again, carefully considering what she told me, nearly 28 days later, I ran to the nearest Walgreens and picked up a double pack of pregnancy tests. And I was crushed when the little window on the test informed me that I was NOT pregnant already. Needless to say, patience is not a virtue I possess. I found out about my empty womb on Thanksgiving day and spent Thanksgiving evening enjoying one of the benefits of NOT being pregnant--wine.

The next day, as I got up to go to my 5:45 a.m. spin class, Mike commented that he was surprised I was getting up to go to the gym so early on a holiday weekend. "Well, if I can't be pregnant, I might as well be thin," was my retort. And I stormed out the front door. Patience is highly over rated in my opinion.

About a week later, we were at a party to celebrate our friend Wendy's graduation from nursing school. She and her husband Brad were pregnant with their first child. Brad's brother, Ryan, and wife, Maria, were there and they also were expecting their first child. I was talking with Maria that night and asking her how she was feeling. She commented that she was feeling pretty good. She had only experienced a little nausea and she was very thirsty. I remember thinking, "Hmmm...I've been feeling that way a little lately." But, because I didn't want to be disappointed again with another "not pregnant" test, I pushed the thought from my mind.

On December 19, my BFF, Darci, was in town and we had dinner over here with our friends, Jenny, Chris, and Karen. We spent the night talking by the fire pit and drinking wine. A lot of wine. Okay, maybe I was the only one who drank a lot of wine. The point is, by the end of the night there were a few empty wine bottles in my recycling bin.

The next day, Darci and I were getting ready to take a trip to San Antonio for a few days. We had plans to drink margaritas on the Riverwalk (I promise I have other hobbies other than drinking!!) and I wanted to make sure I wasn't pregnant so I could thoroughly enjoy my trip.

About 11 that night, I was getting ready for bed and took out my little pregnancy test. I opened it, I peed, I waited for the screen to tell me my uterus was still empty.

But, then, I saw this:

Yep, I took a picture of my pregnancy test! I was so worried that I read it wrong that, after the second one, I decided to take a picture so I wouldn't take any more!

I immediately stood up and ran to the bedroom, tripping over my pants that were still around my ankles. "MIKE, WAKE UP!!!" I yelled. He sat straight up and asked who needed to go to the hospital. I thrust the stick in his hands and said, "Look at THIS!" He looked, blinked, and tears came to both of our eyes. We sat there on the bed just staring at each other. I think I actually said something like "How did this happen?" I was so in awe that we had actually created another little person! And that little person was actually growing INSIDE OF MY BODY. And then I got a little weirded out because that's the kind of stuff that alien movies are about.

Of course, there was no way I was going to get any sleep that night. So, I headed to the computer to consult the foremost expert on all things medical available on the internet--Google. I Googled everything relating to pregnancy. I found out that the first few weeks of pregnancy, you aren't really pregnant at all. I found out that my Miniature Milligan would make his or her debut sometime around Labor Day (ha!). I found out that my sweet baby was the size of an apple seed.

And then I made the mistake that all expecting moms make. I Googled all of the bad stuff. And trust me, folks, the internet is full of it. By the end of my Googling I was convinced that my little Apple Seed was already in danger. That anything could happen at any moment. I read other womens' accounts of the loss of their babies and I sat at the computer with tears streaming down my face. Don't act like you didn't do it too!

Then I remembered the wine from the night before. What had I done to my poor baby!?!?! I found out the next day that the drinks I had would not affect my child but it didn't stop me from obsessing about it and also Googling "Fetal Alcohol Syndrome." Yes, I really did that.

When I went to bed that night, I tried to rid my mind of these thoughts by thinking about what it would be like when our baby arrived. I imagined the sleepless nights, the times when he or she would be screaming so loudly that Mike and I wouldn't be able to hear each other talk. I imagined how my body would be permanently destroyed, looking less like Barbie and more like Mrs. Potato Head. YEAH. RIGHT.

Since I was totally clueless, I imagined rocking a peaceful baby and gently putting him/her into the crib as Mike and I stared down at our peaceful, no-crying, happy-all-of-the-time creation. I imagined how our first Christmas would be and taking walks through the park together. I wondered who our Miniature Milligan would look like. I planned how we would tell family & friends and when we would make our big announcement.

As I drifted off to sleep, I prayed that God would protect my little Appleseed from harm and I thanked Him for such an amazing blessing. I rubbed my belly and talked to my baby and let him/her know that we were in this together and we were going to be just fine. And I knew that no Christmas could ever top this one.

Obviously, so much has changed in this past year and I no longer have to imagine what our angel baby is like. She's here and we are getting ready to celebrate our first Christmas with her. It probably won't be peaceful or serene but that's okay. The chaos this Christmas is better than I imagined this time last year.

I just have one little thing I'd like to tell the makers of those pregnancy tests. Instead of the words "Yes" or "Pregnant" on that little stick, I think the words that pop up in that screen should say,

"Get ready for the wildest, craziest, most incredible journey of your life."

Olivia plays peek-a-boo...sort of

Okay, so I feel like I've been on a big video kick lately but we are at that stage where Oli is doing so many cool, new things and I want to capture all of them!

AND, I wanted to post this because for all of the crazy, chaotic, not-so-fun times in parenthood, there are many more funny moments.

If you are watching this and you DON'T have kids, you might be thinking "Oh, that poor baby! They just stood there and laughed at her instead of helping." But, trust me, if you decide to embark on this journey, you, too, will someday stand and laugh at your child. It's kind of like payback for all of the times they make you feel like beating your head on a wall. Sometimes, God just gives us a moment to laugh.

For the record, we did NOT put this swaddle on her! Mike had put her in her crib so we could get ready for the day. When we went to get her, this is how we found her. She just couldn't figure out how to get the swaddle off. This kid is a trip!

The other sweet baby in the video is Tessa, the daughter of our friends Randi & Tim. You can tell she's a little confused as to how our silly baby managed to do this!

Quotes & Conversations from the Land of Parenthood

Even though we are only 3 & 1/2 months into this journey, Mike and I have already done a little reminiscing about how we felt and the things we said and did in those first few weeks when The Boss Lady moved in to our home. Most things, we are able to laugh about now and we wanted to share a few of our most memorable quotes and conversations.
***
Mike AND Me: "Olivia, you are pretty much guaranteeing you'll be an only child."

This was said almost daily in those first few weeks.
***
After several nights and hours of Olivia screaming at us around bedtime,

Mike: "Olivia, maybe you can scream some more and keep daddy up all night so he can't go to work tomorrow and he'll get fired and we'll all be homeless. Wouldn't that be great??"
***
The day after we brought Olivia home, my sister and brother-in-law came over to visit. My sister was holding Olivia while she was sleeping and she asked, "Is she always this lethargic?"

Not knowing that most newborns sleep so deeply that you can fold them into pretzels, I, of course, freaked out. "I don't know! I've only known her for 4 days! Mike, call the doctor!!! Olivia is lethargic!!" was my first-time parent response. We had also found out earlier that day that Olivia had a mild case of jaundice. I knew very little about jaundice but I was convinced it was going to be deadly to my child. Naturally. We were waiting for the doc to call us about that as well.

When the doctor called, I answered the phone. "Ms. Milligan, this is the doctor calling back."

Me:  (sobbing uncontrollably) "I can't talk to you right now, here's my husband."

Mike starts to talk to the doc about what is going on with the jaundice. I start screaming (like really screaming) in the background, "MAKE SURE YOU TELL THE DOCTOR SHE IS LETHARGIC!!!" And I repeated that about 97 times. Just in case he couldn't hear me. From 5 feet away.

Doc: "So, is this your first baby?"

Mike: "Yep."

Doc: "Yeah, I thought so."

So, it seems I'm officially on the Wackadoo List at the doc's office.
***
At Oli's one month birthday,

Me: "Mike, I suck at this motherhood thing."

Mike: "Well, I think we are great parents."

Me: "Yeah, right. What have we done that's so great?"

Mike: "We've kept her alive for one whole month. In my book, that's pretty great."

At Oli's two month birthday,

Me: "Mike, I still feel like I suck at parenthood."

Mike: "Well, we've kept her alive for 2 whole months. That's pretty great."

Me: "Yeah, you said that last month. Surely there's a better standard than that."

Mike: (seriously considering) "Nope. That's about as good as it gets right now."

Me: (seriously considering) "Okay. I'll take it."
***
Mike: "Do we have a 'For Sale' sign anywhere around here?"

Me: "No, why?"

Mike: "I'm going to add it next to our 'It's a Girl' sign."
***
At my 4 week post-partum visit with my OBGYN,

Doc: "So, what are y'all doing for contraception?"

Me: "Yes, please."

Mike: "That depends. Can you do a vasectomy in-house today or should I make an appointment?"
***
Me: "Okay, I quit. Where do I turn in my notice?"

Mike: " Unfortunately, Steph, this is like the Mafia. There's no quitting."
***
Mike: "You know, the thing about this parenthood thing is that you have to just have low expectations. That way, you are never disappointed."
***
Me: "Having a baby makes you bi-polar. I mean, here's this tiny person you created who you love more than life. You love them so much and would do anything for them and you want to run away from them all at the same time."
***
I took Olivia up to Mike's office to meet his coworkers,

Coworker: "Oh my goodness, she's so wonderful. I can't believe y'all talk about how much she cries! She hasn't cried at all here. She is such a good baby!!"

And that's the day I was arrested for assaulting someone at Mike's office.

Okay, not really, but I do think we said something like, "Yeah, we got one of those No Crying models. Neat, huh?"
***
Just a few weeks ago, Mike and I were going to bed and I said, "You know, I remember that this was really hard in the beginning but I can hardly remember why it was so hard."

And Mike proceeded to list every single reason it was so hard. Apparently hormones haven't yet erased his memory.
***
Mike AND Me: "Why in the world would anyone have more than one of these???!!!???"
***
And our most recent,

"Yeah, okay, maybe I could do this again."

I'll let you guess which one of us said that...

Bedtime at the Milligan house

I wonder who our bedtime routine works best for?

From The Boss Lady

Ladies & Gentlemen,

The Boss Lady would like to make a statement,

Hail Mary, full of grace

I LOVE Christmas music. Yes, I am that person who turns on the 24 hour Christmas music station and blasts it until they go back to playing Lite Rock. I love every single rendition of Frosty the Snowman and every year I wonder about that song that talks about telling scary ghost stories and how that's even relevant to Christmas. But I sing along in my car every time I hear it. Loudly.

I love that for one solid month, every song is cheery and bright. Even rap artists take a break from slappin' them hoes to sing their version of Silent Night.

This year, one particular song has really stuck out to me. In it, the artists ask Mary a few questions about her son. They ask if she knew that he would someday walk on water. They ask if she knew that the son she delivered would one day deliver her.

I feel a special kinship with Mary right now. Although our stories are pretty different, I feel like I can relate to her a little, mom to mom. I wish I could sit down with her over a cup of coffee and ask her a few questions of my own.

Like the artists of the song, I also wonder how much she knew about the amazing little boy she was raising. I wonder if she knew just how special he truly was. I wonder if, like every mom, she looked at him when he was just out of the womb and just KNEW he was the most beautiful and amazing baby that had ever been born.

I wonder if she and Joseph watched him sleep and wondered what he would do when he grew up. Did they sit over dinner and talk about how they would fund carpentry school or what on earth they would do if he one day announced he didn't want to go to carpentry school at all?

I wonder if she had moments of doubt when he was screeching at her at 3 in the morning and she couldn't figure out what was wrong. I wonder if she and Joseph ever looked at each other and said "What in the world did we get ourselves into?"

I wonder if she took afternoon naps with Jesus, him sleeping on her chest. When she woke up, did she stare at his tiny face and want to stay in that moment forever? Did she marvel at every single thing he did? Rolling over, smiling, cooing, laughing at the silly faces she and Joseph made at him.

Did she ever want to tuck him back inside of her belly to protect him from all of the craziness of the world? Was she scared when she fully realized why he had been born?

Without a doubt, Mary is a much stronger, more holy, and more patient mother than I am or ever will be. I can't imagine loving a child the way she must have loved Jesus and the way I love Oli, then realizing that he had something to do here that she could not protect him from.

When I look at Oli, I feel such a sense of pride and one-ness with her. She belongs to Mike and me. We belong to each other. But, the truth is, The Boss Lady doesn't really belong to us at all. She was a gift to us, from God, and she belongs to Him. Like Mary and Joseph, Mike and I don't really have any claim over our child at all.

We hope and pray every day though that we will not be asked to do what Jesus' parents had to. I cannot imagine the strength and trust they had to have to let him go.

How did you do it, Mary? How did you watch your son perform miracles and be persecuted for them? How did you trust God so fully?

I like to think I trust God fully with my life, my family, my daughter. But, the kind of trust Mary had is overwhelming and hard to fathom for me. I know that I will never be the woman she was.

Each night, when we put Olivia to bed, we pray over her. I thank God for the miracle she is. I ask Him to help me to deal with her with patience and love the way He always deals with me. I ask Him to keep her healthy and to keep her safe as she sleeps. I pray that she gets a good night of rest for a great day tomorrow. I thank God for trusting me with her. I ask Him to make me worthy of that trust. To make me the mom that she deserves.

God trusted Mary. He trusted her with His ONLY son. Perhaps that's why she was able to trust Him so completely. He had given her an amazing gift in Jesus. He had chosen a woman so holy and so pure to carry the Savior of the world and He trusted her to let him do what he was put here for.

I can only strive to be the mom that Mary was. I strive to trust God the way she trusted Him. And I often close my prayers each night with a devotion to her, my model of motherhood.

Hail Mary, full of grace,

The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women,

and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,

pray for us sinners,

now and at the hour of our death. 

Amen. 

Dating 101

Okay, I'll admit it: I love the After Thanksgiving Day Sales! I was happy not to be out in the craziness on Black Friday this year since I have a little person to tote around but I actually really do love those insane sales. I love the crowds and the excitement and the savings! One of my favorite memories is of my sister and I getting up one Black Friday at around 4 a.m. We headed to Starbucks and then we shopped till we dropped until about 8 or 9 that night. I even kinda loved the adrenaline rush I got when someone shoved me and I turned around all tough-girl like to see who had done it!

This year, though, I took it a little easier and joined some girl friends for a little shopping the Saturday after Thanksgiving. We met up for lunch first and then hit the stores to see what bargains were still going.

I ended up not buying a thing but I loved my girl time and enjoyed getting to engage in some girl talk over lunch. Jenny, Rachel, Heather, and I spent the majority of our time just gabbing over lunch and that was probably my favorite part. These 3 ladies are fantastic and our conversation eventually turned to the most popular topic during a girls' lunch: relationships. The three of them are not yet married so we talked a lot about dating and what's new in the dating world.

It's been almost 6 years since I met Mike and officially took myself off the market but I always enjoy hearing my single girlfriends' stories about their dating lives. I find that as I hear some of their stories now, I often look back at my own dating life and the things I've learned over the years. Of course, I made some goofy dating decisions but I hope I've learned enough to be able to pass on a few gems to my girls and to my daughter in the (hopefully) distant future.

After my lunch on Saturday, I got to thinking about what it would be like when Olivia starts dating. I can't even imagine what it will be like to see her go through that! So, just in case she wants to know what her dear old mom has to say on the subject, here are just a few dating tips for my daughter (and my girls!):

If it walks like a duck...
...and talks like a duck and 20 people tell you it's a duck, chances are, it's a duck. Not clear enough? Okay, if he walks like a World Class Butthole, and talks like a World Class Butthole, and 20 of your friends and family members are calling him a World Class Butthole, chances are, you've snagged yourself a World Class Butthole. Look, I know what they say about opinions but your friends' and family members' opinions should probably count for something. They love you and want to see you happy. So, if they are telling you that your newest love is a Loser, listen. At least a little.

That being said...
...follow your gut. You know when things are not going well in your relationship. This is YOUR relationship and you know better than anyone else how it's actually going. I've been fortunate enough to have family & friends who were willing to stand up and tell me that I was dating a World Class Butthole. But, the truth is, I already knew that. I didn't need someone to tell me that Joe Schmoe was a Super Schmuck. I knew it in my gut. But, I, like all women, have inherited the Curse of Eve. The more you tell me not to eat the apple, the more I want to take a bite. My older sister, Carly, gave me some great advice one time when I was going on and on about the latest goon I was dating. I knew that he was bad for me. I admitted he was bad for me. I told her that all of my friends told me he was bad for me. But, for some reason, I wasn't letting him go. And then she said, "When you get a belly full, you'll let go." I needed to figure out my relationship on my own. And I needed to learn when to let go. That's something that's hard to teach. So, listen to your gut. When you get a belly full, you'll know.

Two halves, don't make a whole.
While that may not be true for 3rd grade fractions, it's 100% true in relationships. Two half people cannot "complete" each other. No, you do not have to be fully grown when you enter into a relationship. Of course, two people can, and probably should, grow together at least a little bit. But, you cannot be a seriously deficient human being when you enter into a relationship with another person. If you do not already have some idea about who you are or what you want to be, take time to do that FIRST. When you are in a relationship where you are trying to figure out who you are or what you want, you are going to get frustrated and you will frustrate the other person. And if you happen to find someone who is seriously deficient, please don't trick yourself into thinking you can heal or fix him. You are not some kind of Girlfriend Messiah.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
If you walk into McDonald's and order a meal, the cashier isn't going to throw in an apple pie just for the heck of it. Why? Because you didn't ask for one. In the world of dating, you get what you ask for. So, if you want to be respected, you have to ask for it. Sometimes you even have to demand it. No, you don't have to be all rude and diva-like about it. You wouldn't tell the cashier at McDonald's to give you your damn apple pie right now, damn it! But, there would be an understanding that if you asked for an apple pie and didn't get it, you probably wouldn't come back to that McDonald's again. Not everyone is going to sell you short, but, it's been my experience that what I didn't ask for in dating, I didn't get. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. You deserve to be respected so don't let anyone get away with not giving you that. Ask for the apple pie.

Know your worth
In order to get the above-mentioned Respect, you have to first know that you are worth it. AND YOU ARE. You are worth a lot more, too. Not sure what you're worth? Ask those who already love you. They know how amazing and special you are. There's a reason that the people in your life stick around to remain your friend. They think you are pretty awesome and for good reason. Because you are. And if anyone ever makes you feel like you are less than that, show them the door. Nobody should ever make you feel bad about yourself. That goes for dating and every other relationship as well. If the other person does or says things that make you feel bad, this is NOT  a healthy relationship. Relationships should build you up and help you grow, not tear you down.

Be in the moment.
I have seen so many women get so caught up in getting the ring or the commitment or the whatever, that they can't enjoy where they are in their relationship. I was one of those women for a short time. After Mike and I had been together for a little over a year, everyone started asking me if I thought he would pop The Question soon. How in the hell would I have known that??? Shouldn't they have been asking HIM?? But, like most women, I kept waiting for a sign that The Question was coming. Every nice dinner we sat down to, I was ready and waiting for it. I practiced my answer, my surprise face, and the way I would announce to family and friends. And when dinner would end and the evening would be over and my left ring finger would be very empty, I would feel a little let down. I realized this had gotten a little out of control during my birthday weekend. Mike planned this amazing weekend and I was just SURE that he was going to ask me to be Mrs. Milligan. But he didn't. And I cried. ON MY BIRTHDAY. Ridiculous. I was so caught up in whether he was going to ask me to marry him that I almost missed out on the fact that this wonderful man had planned a fantastic weekend just for me. That's the weekend I just let it go and decided to just enjoy where we were in our relationship. Three weeks later he asked me to be his wife. And I was GENIUNELY surprised. The phases of a relationship change quickly so try to enjoy them. The minute Mike asked me to marry him, I was no longer a Girlfriend. And I will never again be a Girlfriend. And the minute I said "I do," I was no longer a Fiance. And I will never again be a Fiance. I'm not saying I want to be, but those are phases of my life I can't repeat. So, be in the moment and enjoy where you are.

Have fun!!!
Dating should be fun. If you aren't having fun, stop doing it. There are a lot of interesting people out there. Dating is one fun way to get to know some of those people. I know that you think that marriage is the ultimate goal of dating but have fun and enjoy the journey! Try not to take every single date so seriously that you aren't enjoying the fun of getting ready before a date, talking about it with your girlfriends non-stop before and after, and those butterflies you get when you first sit down to dinner and aren't totally sure where the conversation should start. Seriously, take a deep breath and HAVE FUN!

And most importantly, date only good Catholic boys that your mother approves of. Okay, so that one's for The Boss Lady specifically! ;)

Unfortunately, I'm sure she'll date her share of World Class Buttholes that I do not approve of. I know I dated my fair share before I met Mike. And that's okay. I hope she has fun learning about herself through those experiences. I hope a few nice guys get mixed in so she doesn't start to believe that there are no good men out there. I hope she goes to lunch with her girlfriends on a Saturday afternoon and talks about her date the night before. And most of all, I hope she has FUN!

Because when she does meet Mr. Right, she won't want any reason to ever doubt or look back. When she begins that new journey into the world of marriage, she can leave the dating world behind with fun memories but without a second glance.