Mommy Haiku

On NPR yesterday, they were talking about this Haiku poetry contest from a few weeks ago and the recitation of some of the poems brought me back to late elementary/early junior high when I first learned about Haiku. In case you don't remember, Haiku is written in 5/7/5 format. 5 syllables for the first line, 7 for the second, and 5 for the third. It's been a long time since I wrote anything in Haiku format and I couldn't imagine a situation where I would ever write that way again.

Then, this morning in the shower, I started thinking of all of these "mommy" related Haikus! So weird, I know. But, I'm going to share them with all of you anyway! 

Mommy Haiku

So many diapers

Everywhere I see them

Filling up the trash

***

Clothing stained with poop

No stain remover will work

Disposable clothes?

***

Milk shooting all out

Nipples forever erect

Baby is happy

***

The Boss Lady rules

Whenever she cries I jump

Up to serve again

***

No more sleep for me

Why has my sleep gone away?

A baby lives here!

***

Giggles sound so sweet

The Boss Lady's smile is light

So lucky am I

Happy Easter!

On Sunday, we celebrated 8 months with our sweet girl AND her very first Easter! We had a pretty new dress for the occasion and we spent the afternoon at my cousin Trey's house. It was such a wonderful way to celebrate my 2nd favorite holiday (Thanksgiving is my first favorite. I think you can probably figure out why.). Trey and his wife Monica have a little girl who is 21 months old and she and Olivia had fun squawking at each other. We even got some cute pictures of them sharing a hug and kiss.

This past month with our sweet girl has been incredible. I think this month has probably been the most action packed in terms of her growth and development. On Tuesday she officially started crawling! For a few weeks leading up to that, she had been doing this crazy bear crawl maneuver to get where she wanted to be. Now, she just takes off. I'm still amazed that we have all of these baby toys but she is so drawn to all of the things she's NOT supposed to be playing with! I was hoping that we wouldn't have to do much baby proofing but it's looking like we'll be spending this week doing just that!

On Wednesday, Olivia pulled herself up into a standing position for the first time! She was in the bathtub and she gripped the edge of the tub and up she went! She's been doing it ever since on every piece of furniture she can reach. After she pulls herself up, she gets this great, goofy grin on her face like she's so proud of herself. Today, she tried to take a few steps (cruising) but then she'd fall on her butt and start clapping for herself. Needless to say, with all of the grinning and clapping, it's easy to see our kiddo does not have a self-confidence issue!

She's also so chatty right now and we are excited (and a little nervous!) to hear what she has to say when she learns to form those random syllables into words.

And teething: Yes, we are knee-deep in it right now. It's not *terrible* but it's not fun either. Mostly, I just feel so sad for her when she's hurting. She's been a champ about it though!

I love that we got to celebrate 8 months and Easter on the same day. As I mentioned, Easter is one of my very favorite holidays. It's not because of the chocolate peanut butter eggs...well, that's not the only reason anyway! I love this holiday because it is the commemoration/celebration of the VERY REASON we are able to call ourselves Christians.

It seems so strange to celebrate death, but on this day, that's exactly what we do. And we celebrate for good reason. Because by the death of Christ, we are able to celebrate an eternity in Heaven with our awesome, awesome God. When I think of how incredible just 8 months has been with Oli, I am overwhelmed at the prospect of an eternity of joy with God. It is something wonderful to look forward to.

I am blessed that my life here on earth is also extremely joyous. As I spent Easter with my amazing husband and child, I knew that my joy would not be possible but for Christ's ultimate sacrifice.

In the Catholic church, from Ash Wednesday until Easter Sunday, we do not sing or say Alleluia in our church services. We do this because Lent is supposed to be a more somber time. On Easter Sunday, we are able to say "Alleluia!" again. I love, love, love this about Easter services. I love being able to shout and sing from the top of my lungs, "ALLELUIA!!!" in celebration of Christ's rising from the dead! It is a liberating and joyous time. It reminds me of all I have to celebrate in this life and the one waiting for me when I die.

I am so thankful to God that I am able to celebrate this Easter season because of His ultimate sacrifice. I know that it is only through God that I have the gift of my family and the gift of eternity with Him. Each month with my sweet girl, I am reminded of how blessed Mike and I are to have this amazing, amazing life. Thanks be to God!

Happy FIRST Easter and 8 month birthday to my sweet girl!

She's on the move!

Oli's first trip to a wine bar!

Love this grin!

The Boss Lady's first Easter basket! Thank you, Aunt Michelle!

Our first Ranger's game

Happy 8 month birthday, Sweet Pea!

Resolution Update: Week 16

Weight: 139! Did not expect this but I am pleasantly surprised!

Diet/Exercise: I'm going to skip these this week since there really wasn't anything new to report. Although, I THOROUGHLY took advantage of my cheat day this week!! It's taking every ounce of willpower in me right now not to run to the fridge and finish off the red velvet cake we had on Easter!

Thoughts/Reflections for the week: I bought a swimsuit this week! AND I had fun doing it! That's right--FUN! Yes, I am a woman and I actually had fun buying a swimsuit! My sister, Michelle, and bro-in-law, Michael, got me a gift card to a swimsuit store for my birthday. Michelle and I had been talking about this weight loss thing and she knew I'd be excited to buy a swimsuit this year because I've lost so much weight. The Boss Lady, Michelle, and I set off on Thursday to find a nice one this year and we did and I am so excited to wear it!

To really show my excitement, I'll be revealing the suit on this blog! Yep, I, Stephanie Milligan, will post a picture of myself in a swimsuit on the internet. I've thoroughly lost it, I know! I'll post it Memorial Day weekend so stay tuned. I think I'm actually more nervous about how paste-y white I am!

Also, it looks like I'll be getting an extra workout these days since Oli is officially on the move! I've been chasing her around the living room for the past 2 days and it is awesome! More on that soon!

The Chronicles of Larnia: Battle in Fairy Forest

For Princess Warrior Lauren Skillman. We are here battling with you and for you every single day.

For more adventures in the Chronicles of Larnia, check out www.dhwilson2.blogspot.com

The Chronicles of Larnia: Battle in Fairy Forest

In a land not far from Larnia, there is another land called the Fairy Forest. The Fairy Forest is a beautiful, peaceful place where love abounds and all are happy. In the forest reigns a beautiful queen, Queen Olivia Anne (also known as The Boss Lady to many of her servants). She is a radiant and happy queen. She is loving and kind and is never short of hugs or kisses to any who cross her path. She rules the Forest with grace, peace, and most importantly, LOVE.

One day Queen Olivia Anne was hosting some very Distinguished Guests at her daily tea. These ladies and gentlemen were visiting from other lands and Queen Olivia Anne wanted them to see what a wonderful and happy place the Fairy Forest truly was.

She arrived to the tea and began passing out the yummy treats from the Forest's own Fairy bakery and everyone began to relax and enjoy the company of this most gracious queen.

But then, dark clouds loomed over the Fairy Forest as Queen Olivia Anne received an urgent memo.

The queen was very upset but her guests did not understand why. Why was this peaceful and loving queen suddenly so upset with worry?

"Princess Lauren has been attacked by the Evil Serpent!" Queen Olivia Anne exclaimed. "She is very sick and she needs Warriors to help her battle this evil snake. We have to sound the Battle Cry immediately!"

The guests were in shock. Surely, not Princess Lauren! Surely this awful tragedy had not befallen the beautiful Princess Lauren. But when they saw the memo the queen had received, they fell over in complete dismay. "What shall we do?" they wondered. They were feeling helpless as they lay on the ground, immobilized with fear.

"Do not dismay!!" proclaimed Queen Olivia Anne. "The Fairy Forest has the most effective weapon of all! It is stronger than any poison, faster than a speeding bullet, and more explosive than any hand grenade!"

The Distinguished Guests looked around in confusion. Where was this secret weapon? The Fairy Forest was so peaceful and delightful that they could not imagine a weapon of this caliber being kept there. What was the queen speaking of?

Then they saw that Queen Olivia Anne had adorned herself with battle gear. Gone was her dainty bow, replaced now with a Crown of Love. And in her hand, she held the Secret Weapon. It glinted in the forest light and shone brighter than any star. In Queen Olivia Anne's hand was the Staff of Never Ending Love.

"This is how we will defeat this serpent! This is what we will use to battle for Princess Lauren! This is the Staff of Never Ending Love and its powers are beyond any that have ever existed. LOVE is what makes this staff unstoppable and LOVE is how we will win this battle."

Then the queen sounded the Battle Cry

And they were off to Larnia with the Staff of Never Ending Love in hand, and the power of LOVE to fuel them for the journey and battle ahead.

Someone Else's Daughter

I remember being 20. I mean, it wasn't really that long ago. I remember waking up on Saturday mornings, feet aching from all of the dancing I did the night before at some frat party, head pounding from too much fun with my good buds Jose, Jim, & Jack. I remember walking to class with my friends while talking about our latest love interests. I remember stressing about the fact that I had no idea what I was going to do with a Political Science degree after I graduated.

I do NOT remember ever worrying about my health. I do not remember ever wondering if my cancer would come back. I do not remember spending the last part of the spring semester in the ICU because cancer was attacking my body so badly that the doctors weren't sure how much longer I had to live. I don't remember those things because I was fortunate enough not to have to go through them.

Yet, just across town, a young lady I am acquainted with is doing those things. She is literally fighting for her life. Just last week, she was laying in a hospital bed, tubes hooked up to her young body, fighting with all of her might against a very aggressive cancer. Her name is Lauren and she is a Warrior.

I know Lauren through her mom, Melanie. Mel was my former boss, just 3 years ago and while we had our struggles in our employee/employer relationship, I could not help but love Mel. She is funny, warm, outgoing, bubbly, always positive. Her energy is contagious and you want to please her, to see that 1,000-watt smile beamed on you. I've not ever met Lauren, but I can tell from the smile in pictures that she inherited her mom's outlook on life. She's got that same "I can melt the Devil's heart with this smile" look on her face and I can't help but love her too!

Melanie is married to Dana and they have 3 daughters, Lauren, Ashley, & Kayte. Though Dana inherited the girls through his marriage to Mel, he is an amazing dad to them and loves them as if he had been there for each of their births.

Many years before I met Melanie, she had her own battle with cancer (breast cancer, I believe) and she beat it. For some reason, when she told me she'd had cancer, I was shocked. THIS woman had battled cancer? This woman who radiated so much postivism??? It shocked me to find someone who had been through so much but who still had one of the most positive outlooks on life I had ever seen.

Toward the end of 2008, Melanie would have to battle cancer again. Only this time, it would be her daughter's cancer. A very aggressive and very, very bad nerve sheath tumor. Lauren was about 17 at the time.

I remember how deeply this news affected our small office. We all loved Mel and were heartbroken for her family that they were having to battle cancer in their teenage daughter. We all prayed for healing for Lauren. We prayed that the doctors would be wrong when they told this family that the mortality rate for this type of cancer was very high. We prayed that they would have the strength and courage to fight through this. And we all celebrated together when Lauren's cancer went into remission.

Right around that time, Dana was diagnosed with his own cancer (Crazy, I know. You cannot make a story like this up!). He started his battle and though I was no longer working with Mel, I joined her family & friends in prayer once again that Dana would beat his cancer too. He did and we rejoiced and thanked and praised God once again for His miracles.

Then all was quiet for a while. Lauren went off to college, Melanie and Dana got new jobs, and things were good. One day the quiet was broken by a cough. Lauren's cough. A cough she couldn't shake. And when she went to the doctor to find out what she needed to do to shake this annoying little cough, she was told her lungs had spots on them. Spots that were cancer. Spots that indicated that her cancer was back with a vengance.  

Last Tuesday, Lauren's doctors believed she was on her death bed. They encouraged her family to prepare for the worst. Her parents refused to accept this. Lauren refused to accept this. And as a family they declared war on this invader of their lives. They declared war on this cancer and they asked every single person they could to join in.

The response has been, in a word, AMAZING. Dana started a blog chronicling Lauren's battle in a saga called The Chronicles of Larnia. They started a Facebook group called Lala's Soldiers and membership reached over 2,000 in just a week. She got phone calls from Tim Halperin of American Idol and Lyle Lovett telling her that they are supporting her. Her dad, Steve, started a fund so that donations can be made to help Lauren pay for the medical bills that are already starting to pile up.

This family is truly incredible. Not only are their spirits so uplifting to everyone else, but they are also asking for prayers and support for the other families who they shared the ICU with last week. They believe in helping others even when they are in need themselves. Incredible.

This Tuesday, the same girl who was thought to be dying just a week ago, was sent home. She was sent home because her tumors are shrinking!!! Yep, that's right: SHRINKING! The doctors are in awe and telling the family that they have no medical explanation for what is happening. There is still a long and hard fight ahead but amazing and miraculous things are happening in this young lady's life.

After my dad died, I quit believing in miracles. I didn't quit believing out of bitterness or defiance to God. I quit believing because I've tried to be accepting of God's will regardless of the outcome and I've tried to see His work in everything, even the things that I see as bad. Up until now, when I've prayed for others, I pray for their healing but I also pray for peace for them to accept God's will. And maybe part of me has been afraid to believe in miracles. Afraid because I don't want to be disappointed again. Afraid because that little kid inside doesn't want to be let down.

But, folks, I'm here to tell you that if you don't believe in miracles, you better start believing NOW. Because what is happening in Lauren's life is nothing short of that. This is a true, live miracle happening in her life. I have decided I want to be a part of that miracle. Every single day, Mike and I have prayed for healing for her. For a miraculous and full recovery from this cancer. We BELIEVE in this in. We BELIEVE that God can and will heal this amazing woman. And, I, Stephanie Milligan, BELIEVE in miracles.

For anyone who's ever doubted that our God is alive and thriving in our world today, take a look and join in with Lala's Soldiers on Facebook. You will see more prayer happening here than you would believe possible. We have an awesome, AWESOME God and He is doing some wonderful work right now through Lauren and those who have joined in this battle.

When I signed on to this battle, I wasn't sure I believed in miracles again. I wasn't sure I could. I initially signed on because I can now identify with Mel as a mom. There are days that Oli just drives me bonkers but she is here and she is healthy and I'll take bonkers any day over watching her fight disease. I can identify with Lauren as a once-upon-a-time 20-something. I wish for Lauren that same care-free 20-something decade that I had (minus the morning-after happenings with Jim, Jack, & Jose).

This is not my daughter or yours. This is someone else's daughter. This is someone else's daughter who needs me and you to believe. Someone who needs me and you to help in this battle. And I have signed up for duty and I will continue to pray every single day. Because if this was MY daughter, I would hope and pray that an army of prayer warriors would be armed and battling for The Boss Lady. I would do everything in my power to make sure that happened.

So, I will fight for this family, for Lauren. I will fight beside them and I will ask all of you to join in too.

Join by keeping up with Dana's blog: http://www.dhwilson2.blogspot.com/
Join by signing up as a soldier at Lala's Soldiers on Facebook 
Join by making a donation at any Chase Bank. Just tell them you want to donate to Lala's Soldiers. Or mail your donation to 2301 N. Edgewood Terrace, Ft. Worth, TX 76103 and make all checks payable to Lala's Soldiers.
Join by putting aside your own fears, your own struggles with believing in miracles, and BELIEVE.
Join by lifting up your prayers to God and asking Him to do what He does best: MAKE MIRACLES.

Resolution Update: Week 15

Weight: 142!! Holy moly, I CANNOT BELIEVE I already got to the 30 pound milestone!!! I weighed myself 3 times in 3 different places yesterday because I could barely believe it! Pictures below!!!

Diet: I actually wasn't very strict with myself this week. I ate well but I let myself have a few treats last week. For instance, on Wednesday, I ate an Oreo and on Friday I ate another one. Now, the logical side of me knows that ONE Oreo isn't a sign of going back to my formerly bad habits. But, the stricter, more by-the-book side of me was disappointed in myself for cheating a little. The bottom line is that I need to learn that part of being balanced is being okay with eating ONE Oreo every now and then.

Exercise: Walking is going great! I'm not loving not being able to do anything else but I get on the treadmill and read a book and I'm starting to enjoy that hour of reading. It's actually nice since I don't really get time to read at any other point in the day.

Thougths/Reflections for the week: You know those pants you hang onto *just in case* you lose some weight and can finally fit into them?? Well, I fit in those jeans!!!! Yes, I am officially in a new jeans size and it feels amazing! One of the pics below is of me at my 30 pound milestone. The other though is just a fun pic. This weekend, Mike and I cleaned out the closet and I pulled out the jeans I bought in November when I realized I didn't want to wear maternity jeans anymore but  couldn't fit into my pre-baby jeans. They are a size 14. Just for kicks, I put them on and they were so big on me that I could take them off without un-buttoning or un-zipping them! I am now wearing a size 8. WOW, how things can change in just 3 & 1/2 months.

It feels so crazy to be at this weight and to be comfortable here. The only other time in my life that I've weighed 142 pounds was when I was on my way up to a higher weight. This seriously feels awesome!!!!



A whole other person can fit in my old jeans!! A small person, but still! Ha!



An Ode to Nursing

Will you nurse your baby, dear?
Will you nurse or do you fear?

Do you fear those cries in the night,
The ones that make your breasts feel tight?

Do you fear the pain that comes
From nursing a little one all day long?

Do you fear tater tot nipples and shirts soaked with milk?
Do you fear milk stains on your new sheets made of silk?

Do you fear nursing in public or at the park?
Do you fear nursing alone in the dark?

Do you fear milk shooting out
Out of your nipple like a water spout?

How far will you go to nurse your little one
Will you nurse if it's not any fun?

Will you nurse day and night?
Will you nurse if it causes a fight?

Will you nurse near and far?
Will you nurse in a car (in a bar??)?

Do not be afraid I say to you ladies!!!
Do not be afraid to nurse your babies!

Do not be afraid to keep your baby fed
With the best food for their belly and brain in their head.

Do not be afraid of the cries at night.
They don't last forever and there is a light!

Do not fear the pain, for it fades fast
But the benefits of nursing will continue to last.

Worries of tater tot nipples will flee from your mind
As you nurse your sweet baby, to your heart they will bind.

The shirts they will wash, you'll replace silk sheets with cotton
All of your fears will soon be forgotten.

You'll find it's easy to nurse anywhere
You'll not even notice if people stop and stare (and you won't care!).

You'll nurse your baby near and far
You'll nurse them even if you are in a bar (Wine bar that is! True story.).

You'll know that you are giving your baby the very best
The best of you, and you can rest.

Rest knowing your little one is healthy and happy
And your feelings about nursing get kind of sappy.

As you think of your sweet baby, snuggled up and with a happy sigh,
You'll wave all of your nursing fears goodbye.

Egg Wash

On Saturday morning, I threw my bowl of un-cooked scrambled eggs against the wall. I'd like to say I had a spasm or something or just completely went out of my head but I'll be honest here and just let you know that it was entirely intentional. There I was, whisking away, the pan already heating on the stove, as I started on my Super Mom Rant* and I just felt that I needed to get all of this pent up frustration out. I looked down at my bowl of raw eggs and I just threw the bowl. Even as egg was starting to run down the wall, I was already on my way to the bedroom to grab an old towel for clean up.

Lest you think I'm a total maniac, there really is a good reason behind this crazy flinging of the eggs and the bowl they were in! The story of how my walls got a good egg washing Saturday morning actually started Friday night. And there are a few background pieces you need to know first:

1. Sometimes, my job requires that I work evenings and right now, I've been working a couple of evenings each week. Mike and I have come up with a little routine that helps with this so that I don't have The Boss Lady in the middle of my work all of the time. After he gets off of work, he heads to my workplace to pick her up and they go home for a little daddy-daughter time. I do have Olivia with me at work for about 2 hours a day. While I love that I get to spend a little extra time with her, getting a lot of work done with her is...challenging. Yes, let's use that word.

2. Oli is at an amazing and frustrating phase right now. She's not yet crawling but she's trying REALLY hard. She knows she wants to get somewhere but can't quite figure out just how to get there. She's also extremely interactive. The frustrating part of that is that she gets really upset when she can't get where she wants to be AND she likes for me (or whoever) to be within reaching distance of her AT. ALL. TIMES. If I step out of the room for more than 2.5 seconds, she sounds the Siren of Abandonment.

3. Teething. For anyone who's had kids, you can just skip to the next part of this story because you don't really need any other explanation than that. For those of you who don't yet have a little Teething Monster of your own, allow me to enlighten you. To be fair, my kiddo hasn't been a complete maniac with teething but she definitely is different. She just has a few periods during the day where she just can't get settled. Her main source of comfort is me. Or, rather, my boobs. When I have nothing else to do (like pee, shower, or work), nursing her to comfort her is calming and kind of nice actually. However, Olivia doesn't always understand why I can't drop every single thing and nurse her until she falls asleep. Oh, and don't even think about trying to put her down after she falls asleep. The second the nipple slips out of her mouth, she's up again and you get to start the fun all over.

Okay, so now that you have the background, here's the rest of the story:

It all started Friday evening as I was trying to get everything ready for work. We were having a dinner and I was responsible for cooking spaghetti noodles and garlic bread. I left work, picked Olivia up, and headed home to get things ready. For the first 20-30 minutes of being home, Olivia was happy and played on the kitchen floor while I boiled noodles. Then she decided she wanted Mommy Time. I tried to hold her in between boiling pots of water and straining noodles but I was trying to be a good mom and not let her get near the hot water and stove so I would set her down while I strained noodles. Needless to say, this did not go over well for Olivia.

Every single time I put her down, she screamed her head off. Not fussing. Screaming. Screeching actually. At one point, I had no choice but to put her down so I could load up the car so that I wouldn't be late. She screamed the entire 4.5 minutes. She screamed so hard and so loud that she was hiccuping. When I picked her up, she made these huge sobbing noises that nearly broke my heart.

It's times like those that I just feel so beaten down as a mom. I love my kiddo so much and I HATE to see her so upset. And I feel torn because I have to work. I get so frustrated because I want to pick her up and spend lots of time with her but there are some times that I HAVE to do other things. Usually, after one of those situations, I just feel completely, emotionally drained. It literally affects me physically.

After the Nuclear Meltdown and a night of working, I was exhausted. Luckily, The Boss Lady was too so when we got home (around 10), she went right to bed. I went to sleep that night dreaming of a lazy Saturday morning with my 2 favorite people.

Saturday morning dawned and I was surprised to look at the clock and see that it was 8 and Oli was just waking up. Mike got her out of bed, and brought her to our bed. She and I laid there for a while as she nursed. When she was done, we laid there making silly faces at each other. And then she threw up all over me and the bed. So much for a peaceful morning.

After clean-up, we moved to the living room floor with all of her toys. Mike needed to do some work so she and I played for a while, then she started getting tired and I attempted to put her down for a nap. Of course, she refused to sleep without my boob. She would fall asleep nursing but the second I put her down, she would wake up and look at me with those big blue eyes. I tried to just walk out of the room to see if she'd fall back asleep but she wouldn't. She would lay there fussing and crying until I went back in to get her.

I got her back up and put her in the living room to play some more. I needed to make breakfast and just couldn't take all of the crying and the feeling of my empty stomach at the same time. It had been a couple of hours since I woke up and I was STARVING. If you are a regular follower of this blog, you know that I like to eat. And when I don't eat, I turn into a maniac.

Olivia was playing happily with her toys until I dared to go into the kitchen to make some breakfast for myself. Nevermind that Mike was sitting 6 feet away from her and she could hear my voice. Nevermind that she was surrounded by 800 million toys that she was playing happily with mere seconds ago.

To quiet some of the fussing, I moved her into the kitchen and put her on the floor so she could see me making my breakfast. Meanwhile, Mike was trying to work in the dining room and kept asking "Do you need me to watch her?" Now, my sweet husband didn't mean anything insulting by that question but at this point, I was so crazed with hunger that I took that question as an inference that I wasn't handling Olivia very well that morning. Yep, sometimes I'm Captain Crazy.

So there I stood, that fine Saturday morning, whisking my eggs in a little plastic blue bowl thinking "If I hear one more fussing noise, I'm going to put this fork through my eardrums..." or something equally dramatic. And then she started fussing again. And then I threw the bowl, raw eggs and all, into the wall (Olivia was not in any danger, I assure you. She was sitting at the opposite end of the kitchen). Then I stormed out of the kitchen to get a towel to clean up my temper tantrum.

When I came back, Mike was holding Olivia and shaking his head at my crazy display. I started on my Super Mom Rant again as Mike and Oli just stared at me wiping egg off of the wall. Then Mike said "Shhhh!!!" What the...???? Was he "shushing" me in the middle of my Super Mom Rant? Did he have a death wish? Every man knows you don't interrupt a Super Mom Rant with a "Shhhhh!!" But when I turned around, I saw our sweet girl asleep in his arms. I guess we know what she thinks of the Super Mom Rant.

Mike laid her down in her crib for a nap and when she woke up, we were both different, happier people. And our weekend turned out to be great, actually.

There are a few thoughts I've had about this little episode though:

1. I hate that I threw a bowl of eggs into the wall. I hate that I threw anything at all. I grew up in a house with lots of yelling and throwing things (a story for another day) and I do NOT want Olivia to grow up like that. I have a temper and I have to find better ways to channel it BEFORE I get to my breaking point. It's just so hard for me to ask for help. When I finally do, it's because I need help cleaning egg off of the flippin' wall. Luckily, I have a husband who supports me and offers his help all of the time. And I have a daughter who can sleep through my crazy rants. I am learning when to reach out for help or take a break. But, as you can see from Saturday, this is still a work in progress.

2. When Olivia really starts to get to me, the first thing people say is, "Well, do you want me to take her for a little while?" That question has always bothered me but I wasn't able to put my finger on it until now. No, I don't want anyone to take my kid from me. I love this child with my whole heart and I miss her when she's not with me. Heck, I miss her when we all go to bed at night and I don't get to see her until she wakes up the next morning. Granted, there are times when I do need and want a break from her but, oddly enough, it's not during times like this one. During the Throwing Eggs Against The Wall instances, I just want it to be easy. Yeah, I know, go ahead and laugh. Motherhood ISN'T easy. But there are those moments that all moms live for when things just seem to go smoothly. Hair is fixed, you get wherever you need to be on time, baby is completely happy playing by herself on the floor while you go pee, etc. That's what I really want during the crazy times.

3. To achieve my wish of things being "easy," I have to stay a few steps ahead of the game. My friend, Christina, and I were talking about this on Monday morning as I told her about my Saturday morning. I just felt fried on Monday because of that incident and I was telling her that I just feel like I can't get it together sometimes. What does staying ahead mean? For me, it means getting up at 5 so I can have a little quiet time (like now) to myself to do what I want/need to do. It means unplugging from Facebook/computer/cell phone after dinner so I can spend some quality time with The Boss Lady. It means asking for help BEFORE I need it.

and the last thing I learned through all of this...

4. Turns out a little egg wash makes for a very clean wall. Don't try it yourself, just take it from me.

*Super Mom Rant: A canned speech that includes phrases like "Do you have any idea how much I do around here?", "I never get any time to do anything I want to do!", "Do you know what it's like to be covered in snot/spit up/poop every single day?", etc. The Super Mom Rant is usually directed towards The Baby Daddy. Baby Daddy is not to speak during The Super Mom Rant. He is to listen attentively. At the conclusion of The Super Mom Rant, Baby Daddy is allowed to respond with phrases like "What can I do to help, honey?" and "I am so grateful for all that you do around here." Also at the conclusion of The Super Mom Rant, Super Mom is allowed an uninterrupted shower or hot bath so that she can recharge her Super Powers.

Resolution Update: Week 14

Weight: 147. Only 1/2 pound weight loss but I pretty much expected that since I slowed down on my work outs. At this point, I'll probably also start to reach a point where weight loss will be slower because I won't have as much to lose.

Diet: Pretty good. Not great. Just pretty good. At my workplace, we have a lunch every Wednesday and up until last week, I had been bringing my own lunch. Since I'm learning more about when to stop eating, how much to put on my plate, and what to put on my plate, I think I'm ready to start eating what's being served at things like work lunches. This was definitely a little trickier though since I didn't have any control over the ingredients. I did pretty good though I think.

Exercise: I started walking on the treadmill this week but I was only able to go 3 times. Since I have to go in the evening after work, that's a little challenging because I work a few evenings a week. This week, I'm off to a good start though and I think I've got a good schedule going. And Olivia has become a favorite at the gym daycare!

Thoughts/Reflections for the week: This weekend, I was asked if I was going to stop losing weight at this point. And I guess I could if I wanted to. I'm at a normal BMI now and my jeans (pre-pregnancy jeans!) are one size too big! I know this because I bought a new pair of pants last week and I bought a size smaller!!! This was an AMAZING feeling! But I'm not going to stop losing weight just yet. I'm not trying to disappear or anything but I'd like to get down to 140 at least. By that time, I'll have my follow up doctor's appointment and we'll see what my "final" weight should be.

So, this week, I'm focusing on a good walk since that's still all I'm able to do. I'm hoping to have good results this week!

Silly Girl!

This baby is so silly!

Resolution Update: Week 13

Weight: 147.5! I have to admit that I'm surprised that I'm still losing weight even though I haven't been able to work out (more on that in a moment). It's definitely a nice surprise though!

Diet: I'm having to go easy on my cheat day but I still enjoyed a few treats this week! The no-working-out thing is starting to affect my motivation to eat well. That may sound weird but when I was working out I was so much more motivated to watch my diet during the week. I have no idea why that is. BUT, I'm still doing well and eating well!

Exercise: So, I went to the doctor on Friday and she thinks I may have a herniated disc. Super. So, I start a steriod pack tomorrow to get this pain under control then possibly (probably) physical therapy. Then we'll have to see. In the meantime, I am allowed to walk. On Friday I was incredibly upset about this news but I'm trying to keep a good attitude about it. Walking is still good exercise and if I go to the gym and do it on the treadmill, I can read a good book while I'm doing it! That'll be some good "me" time so I'm kind of looking forward to it. I bought an ab video to help with my core strength and I plan on doing that in the mornings.

I'm bummed I can't do any weight training right now. I was really loving feeling my body changing, not just because of the weight loss, but because I was gaining some muscle tone.

Also, my workouts were super easy because I could do them in the morning before Oli woke up and I didn't have to miss out on any time with her in the evenings. Now, I'll have to take her to the gym daycare while I do my walk. That's okay I guess. It'll probably be fun for her and I'll definitely be in a better frame of mind if I can get a workout in.

The biggest problem right now is that my evenings are super busy so I definitely won't be going as often as I'd like.

Hopefully next week I'll be writing about how great I'm doing with my walking and making it to the gym!

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Today would have been my dad's 55th birthday. He's no longer here to celebrate with his annual crawfish boil but that doesn't mean we can't still celebrate a man who lived life with his whole heart.

I miss him even more now that I am a parent myself and I see more and more just how great a parent he truly was. He's taught me a lot about being a parent just through some of my memories and I can't tell you how many times a week I wish I could call him to tell him the crazy things his granddaughter is doing. I'd love to be able to call and let him know that I fully understand the line he wrote in my baby book about how I was "...a good baby, now if only she would stop crying..."

A few years after he died, I was talking with my cousin and she told me that in the last year of my dad's life, he was really sick. She said there were days he could barely get out of bed and that everyone saw him deteriorating. This was shocking to me. Every time I had seen my dad during that last year, he seemed to be doing so great. He had high spirits, a smile on his face, and his famous happy-go-lucky attitude. I told her that I was surprised to hear about such a different personality. That's when she told me that whenever my sister and I would come visit, he would suddenly transform. He would go from being bed-ridden to up and happy and in good spirits. Knowing that nearly broke my heart and made me even more in awe of him all at the same time.

That's the kind of parent my daddy was. He didn't let anything get in the way of loving Michelle and me. Though I certainly never would have expected him to put his own pain and suffering aside for us, I am so thankful that the last few years we had with him are filled with only happy memories. I understand now, as a parent, what a sacrifice that was.

I've mentioned that I've had some bad back pain lately. While that doesn't even compare to dying of cancer, I can imagine how my dad was able to put aside his own pain for us. Everytime I see Olivia, I know that I can keep pushing through. I still get on the floor with her and play with her even though I can feel the ache in my back. I won't miss these times with her for anything in the world. Her smile helps me to forget some of the discomfort of this back pain.

Today, I want to celebrate the man who taught me so much about being a parent. I want to celebrate the man who taught me so many things about how to live life with a smile on your face, even when you get thrown a curveball.

And I want to say thank you...

For building tents with us in the living room. For taking every mop, broom, rake, shovel, and sheet in the house and making us the coolest Gypsy tent village in the living room. I always felt like I was on an adventure every time I was with you.

For watching the same cartoons with us one million billion trillion times and never acting like you were bored. For quoting the lines along with the characters and acting surprised when you already knew the plot.

For taking us fishing even though we squealed every time we thought a spider was on us. For taking us hunting even though we were really loud and scared away all of the animals. For warning us BEFORE we put it on that the "cologne" we thought was so interesting was actually deer pee.

For all of the times that you drove a 16 hour round trip just to pick us up to spend just one week with you. For the times that you started your drive at 2 a.m. so you could be at our house when we woke up. For always greeting us with a huge smile and hug even though you must have been exhausted.

For never actually spanking us after pulling the car over because we were fighting/yelling/complaining/acting like maniacs. For the times that you saw our wide eyes and trembling chins looking at you from the backseat and letting us off the hook...again.

For eating all of those gross pb&j lunches I used to make you. For always being so appreciative of anything we did or made for you. For always making us feel like we were helpful and worthwhile.

For teaching me that you should always do the right thing, even when it's hard. For telling me once that the way you knew you had done the right thing that day was if you could go to sleep without any problems that night. For not just telling me, but for being an amazing example.

For teaching me that life isn't about how much you have but about how much you give, how much you smile and laugh, and how much you love. For leaving this world incredibly wealthy by those standards.

For touching so many lives that people I had never met and who had only met you once or twice came to your funeral and told me what an impact you had had on them. For touching the hearts of nurses who swore they would never be at a patient's funeral but came to yours. 

For remembering us in your last moments on this earth. For "making pizza" with us on your way home to God. For being a phenomenal parent until your very last moment.

Thank you for all of this and so much more, Daddy. Happy Birthday! I love you and miss you.