Resolution Update: Week 21 The Big Finale

Weight: 135!!!!! I seriously thought I was going to have to end these updates without having met my goal! I won't be weighing myself again for the next couple of days though because after this holiday weekend, there's no telling what the scale will read!

FINAL thoughts/reflections: This weekend, we officially broke in my sister & bro-in-law's pool and for the first time in my entire life, I put on my bikini without a single worry as to how I look. The entire day, I didn't worry about my belly sticking out or positioning myself just right so I could hide my fat rolls. The funny thing about this is that my belly and thighs are covered in stretch marks and I didn't think about that the whole day! I just enjoyed being healthy and feeling good about myself. My body is NOT PERFECT and I am totally okay with that. My thighs still touch and my belly is still soft and I will probably never look like a super model. But I am healthy and happy and comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my adult life.

As promised, my bikini finale pic is below! I think I was more self conscious about how white I am! Ha! Mike and a friend of mine made the suggestion that maybe a spray tan was in order. I seriously considered it but decided against it because that's just not me. I'm super glow-in-the-dark white and I wear SPF 100 to keep it that way! So, fair warning to you: you may need sunglasses to see through the glare from my legs! ;)

Also, before I officially end my Resolution Update posts, I wanted to leave everyone with a few tips/tricks since a lot of people ask what I'm doing differently. Here are just a few of my big ones:

1. I ALWAYS have a water bottle with me. I've found that a lot of the times I feel hungry, I'm actually just dehydrated. And if I have water and am well hydrated, I'm less tempted to fill up on the empty calories that are in sodas or juice. Water is just really good for you. Period.

2. I read labels. Our grocery store excursions take a little longer because I read every label before I buy. I've been shocked to find that foods that claim to be low in sugar or fat aren't really much better than their "regular" counterparts. Not to mention that the low sugar or low fat options are usually stocked with "other" ingredients that make them edible. Just because it's low sugar or fat doesn't make it good for you. Eating low fat ice cream every single day isn't healthy.

3. I work out 5 (or more) days a week. I know this sounds daunting but I really feel like that has been a key piece of this. Not only do my workouts help with calorie burn, they also help me mentally feel good about myself and then I'm motivated to keep making good decisions. My doctor asked me how often I was working out when she saw me and I told her this and she said she has patients all of the time who are trying to lose weight and are working out 3 days a week. She said she really believes that working out 4 or more days a week really makes a difference.

4. I was patient. I had GREAT results but this has taken time and patience. I didn't lose 10 pounds in one week, ever. I had to keep at it, day after day, week after week. This will continue to be a day-to-day process for the rest of my life. Being healthy is a life long journey, not a sprint.

5. I gave myself a little grace. Even though I know that working out 5 days a week is best and eating healthy every day is the way to staying healthy, there were days that I couldn't or just didn't. I didn't let that de-rail me though. I just recognized that there are going to be "bad" days and that I can start over immediately. I used to say things like "Oh, well, I ate a cookie today (Tuesday), so I guess I'll just start being healthy next week." WHAT?!?! That's just silly. Now, if I eat a cookie on Tuesday, I re-start ON TUESDAY. There's no reason I can't regroup immediately.

Okay, so that's that! And this is the end! Or at least the end of this series of posts. And here is the New Me!

9 months today!

At 18 pounds, 6 oz and 28 & 1/4 inches, Olivia Anne is growing fast! And no wonder, with all of the toilet paper and Sports Illustrated she's been eating lately! Her love for paper products perplexes us but life with our Sweet Pea is never dull and we are loving it! In celebration of our sweet girl's 9 month birthday, here are 9 things (though there are MANY more!) I love about The Boss Lady:

1. Her laugh. Both of them, actually. She has her real laugh, the sweet little giggle that gives her hiccups. This laugh sounds like music and she sometimes giggles so hard, especially if she's being tickled, that she can hardly breathe. Then she has this other laugh. It's more of her "I'm up to something and trying to distract you with my cuteness" laugh. Luckily, I get to hear the sound of her laughter many times a day. Our kiddo is a silly girl and loves to laugh!

2. Her sweet baby babble. My kid is a chatterbox! Imagine that...Ha! She talks a lot and I think she's often telling me or Mike how it is! I'm a little nervous to hear what she has to say when she learns a few words! She usually talks all the way to daycare and on the way home and often when I'm trying to put her to bed and she's ready to play. She'll look up at me as I'm rocking her, point her finger at my face or poke me in the mouth, and tell me very seriously "Da da, ba ba, eeehhhh!" I think that means, "Suck it, mom, I am NOT tired!"

3. Our new bedtime routine. Our new routine is to give her a bath, let her play until she's trying to climb out, get her in her pj's, and then she and I will lay down on the living room floor and watch tv while she nurses. She usually fall asleep next to me, then I fall asleep, then we just sleep there together for a little while until Mike wakes me to go to bed. Then he carries her into her bed. I just love cuddling up with her every night and feeling her sweet breath on my skin, smelling her baby shampoo scented hair, and the feel of her tiny body curled against me. It's the best part of my day.

4. Her smile. She's got these 2 little bottom teeth and that's it and they make her grin that much cuter! Whenever she sees Mike or me, her whole little face lights up and we get this big 2-teeth grin that could melt your heart. Her little eyes just light up and she has this amazing dimple in her left cheek. I will do anything to see that kiddo smile!

5. The way she eats. I cannot explain why this is so fascinating to me. I could watch this kid eat all day long. We've pretty much given up on the pureed baby food so we just give her a little of what we are eating. We usually just cut it up into bite sized pieces and put it on her tray. She picks up each piece individually, slowly guides it toward her mouth, then she crams the food and her fist into her mouth in one not-so-swift move. About 80% of the time, the food makes it in her mouth. The other 20% of the time, we find it in her chair, on the floor, and, on more than one occasion, in her diaper when we get her ready for her bath. It's just so fun to watch her "operate" her own hands. Seriously, she stares at them in total concentration like she is operating a delicate crane. It is so neat to watch her discovering her own abilities.

6. The way she meets me at the door. Whenever I come in, Mike will say "Who is that??" Olivia will race toward the door to meet me! She does this at daycare too. When I go to pick her up, I peek over the door and say, "Hey boog!" She looks up and starts crawling like a mad-woman! It's so incredible to see that tiny person crawling toward me like we haven't seen each other in years. She gives me a huge grin and she sort of grunts and pants as she books it toward me!

7. The way she giggles when I tell her no. I think this says something about whether or not I'll be the disciplinarian around here! Seriously, whenever I tell her "No, Olivia Anne!" she looks at me, gives me a little giggle, then goes right back to what she's not supposed to be doing. Then I start laughing and have to look away as I pry her off of whatever she's getting into.

8. Her determination. When Olivia sets her mind to something, she does it! And she does it usually with her tongue clamped between her gums, sticking out just a little bit. That sounds weird but it's super cute. Now that she can pull up, she is determined that everything that is up, must come down. So if there is something on the coffee table, it doesn't stay there long. If she decides that is going to unroll the toilet paper, there is nothing that can stop her! When she is done eating and no longer wants me to help her, she will push my hand away with authority! She definitely has a mind of her own.

9.  She's a socialite. This kid has never met a stranger and she LOVES being around other babies. I love that she is so social and we have really had a blast having her around our friends and their kiddos. She's already had fun at 2 friends' birthday parties and she's kind of a celebrity at church. Most of the time, we don't really get to see her when we are out and about with her! The gym daycare girls get so excited when they see her and she's always flirting with people at the grocery store. I'm pretty sure she's more popular than we are at this point!

A couple of months ago, a friend told me that her favorite baby phase is this 9 month stage. I have to agree with her. This is pretty amazing. Olivia is growing and learning so fast and it is incredible to see her exploring her world. I can't wait to see what she learns in the next month!

In her pj's but NOT ready for bed

She's on the move!

Yum, prunes!

Her favorite new toy box

9 months today!

Resolution Update: Week 20

Weight: 138. GRRRRR!!!! These last few pounds are just so elusive!

Diet/Exercise: Nothing new here!

Thoughts/Reflections for the week: So, now that I'm thin, I find that the first thing people want to know when they see the "new me" is "What are you doing????" I think that most people are a little bummed to find out that all I'm doing is eating well and exercising. I understand that. The way I've lost this weight is not the easy way. There was no magic potion or super secret exercise boot camp or something that I am doing. I just take care of myself EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I'm not going to lie and say things like "Oh, it was sooooooo easy!" or "I get to eat whatever I want!" The truth is, it wasn't easy. This took a lot of long talks with myself, prayer, talking with Mike or my sister when I felt like I was about to cave, and finding my own motivation. It wasn't easy but I have gotten used to this new lifestyle. I found that once I stopped eating a bunch of junk, it just gets easier to say "no" when I feel tempted. And I feel tempted A LOT. Last week, I drove past a Panda Express and I nearly wrecked my car because I was too busy staring with longing at the sign instead of paying attention to the cars in front of me. What can I say? I love some fried rice and orange chicken (extra fried, please).

There were days that I had to be hungry. Once I realized I was eating way too many calories, I had to do the math and give my body enough to function. But that meant that I felt hungry a lot in the beginning. And I HATE feeling hungry. I mean, I get all dramatic and start crying and talking nonsense. It's not pretty. Just ask Mike. I got through that by reminding myself that my body had everything it needed to do its job. The hunger I was feeling wasn't because I needed more fuel. It was because my stomach was all stretched out from my prior bad eating habits.

So, with all of this unpleasantness that comes with making such a big lifestyle change, why did I do it? And why do I continue and plan to continue to do this EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. FOR. THE. REST. OF. MY. LIFE?

Because I love the way I feel right now. I love knowing that I have a shot at not developing a bunch of conditions later in life because of my weight. I love how it feels when I put on clothes and look in the mirror and, for the first time in YEARS, think "Yeah, I look nice." I love that I just feel better overall because I'm not bogging my body down with an extra 30 pounds. I love knowing I'm setting a good example for The Boss Lady. Kids learn behavior from their parents and I want her to be a healthy and confident little girl. And all of those things are worth saying "no" to a piece of cake when it's not my cheat day.

So, next week, I'm wrapping this all up with a bikini photo shoot! Look out world!

Olivia the Clown

This kid of ours is seriously a crack up! She always has us laughing these days--sometimes with her and sometimes at her. Either way, there's no shortage of laughter at Casa Milligan! Most meal times end up with us giggling at each other and Olivia is often crawling and standing all over the living room making us laugh as she explores her world!

How long do I have to work here before I get vacation time???

Why is it that the time in your life that you need a vacation the most you can’t afford it and it’s just not the right time? I mean, can you really think of anyone more in need or deserving of a vacation than new parents??? I dare you to challenge me on that one! ;)

Before The Boss Lady became the star of Team Milligan, Mike and I used to take some great vacations. We’ve been to Jamaica, Mexico, Vegas, New Orleans, a cruise, and a few other awesome places. And we’ve always enjoyed ourselves to the fullest. We get the all inclusive package when we can and we make good friends with the bartenders (No, really, I promise we REALLY DO have other hobbies that don’t involve booze!). Our vacations range from an extended weekend to a full week away from the chaos that is our lives.

Many years ago, before Mike and I were even married, I was a manager at an insurance company and I remember what a pain in the butt it was for my team members to take vacation. I was a young manager and most of my team members were married and had children. While they were gone, I was responsible for making sure that none of their work slipped through the cracks and that week was usually insanely busy. When the team member would return, I would excitedly ask, “What did you do on your vacation!?!?” I mean, if I had to be there all week doing their work, the least they could do was share a little of their excitement from vacation with me. And each time, I would be sorely disappointed. “Oh, we just stayed home and did things around the house,” they would say.

WHAT?!?!? Are you flippin’ kidding me?? That used to be all the proof I needed that having kids made you boring. Seriously, I actually thought that.

But like most things since I began my own journey into parenthood, I was wrong. I swear I’ve eaten enough crow since becoming a mom to feed every starving person in the world.

I’m a little surprised to find that I really crave just spending time at home. I used to be all about running around all weekend but now I just want to spend a few days just doing nothing around the house.  

During Easter I get a few extra days off of work. I get Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter weekend, and Easter Monday. I was so excited to have these days off of work and I could think of nothing I would rather do than sit at home! Yes, I was looking forward to a few days of total nothingness. Olivia’s school was only closed on Friday but she stayed with me Thursday as we went shopping with my sister, Michelle, and on Friday we just hung out around the house. Seriously, we did NOTHING that day!

That Monday, Mike took off of work and he and I woke up, took Olivia to daycare (Yep, we are THOSE parents. Suck it. ), and then just hung out together. We went to the grocery store, dropped my car off for an oil change, ate lunch (at home), watched a movie (also at home), then went to pick up our Sweet Pea. All in all, it was a fabulous day. Since August 24, 2010, Mike and I have not spent an entire day alone in our home. I had no idea I would miss that.

Hopefully, you know by now how much we adore The Boss Lady. So, it’s not that we don’t want her around. It’s just rare that Mike and I get to be alone for more than a couple of hours. We both feel that it is so important to spend some one-on-one time alone, just the 2 of us. Sometimes we just need that time to reconnect and focus on each other. That’s a priority in our relationship and we try to plan times to be able to do that.

Luckily, we also had an opportunity for bonus mini-vacation courtesy of our friends, Rich & Alex. They got married the last weekend in April in Austin so Mike and I took that opportunity to get away for a night and spend some much needed one-on-one time together. Uncle Michael and Aunt Michelle took on The Boss Lady and Mike and I took of to Austin on Saturday morning. We didn’t really even turn on the radio the entire car trip, we just talked (okay, so maybe a few of our conversations were about our angel baby…). We went to a well-known restaurant off of Lake Travis called The Oasis and we sat and drank margaritas until it was time to check in to our hotel. The wedding was wonderful and we danced our feet off and stayed until the couple made their grand exit. It was so great to have a night out where we could freely enjoy ourselves without having to worry about possibly being woken up in the middle of the night.

And, okay, so maybe I still woke up at 6:30 the next morning out of habit, but it was still nice to wake up NATURALLY and not because of an alarm clock (electronic OR human). And, yeah, so maybe I’m not used to drinking so much anymore and maybe I threw up my wine that night, but Mike and I still had a blast just hanging out together (even if he did have to hold my hair back for me)!

The funny thing is that, when I got sick, I felt so embarassed saying “I’m somebody’s MOTHER! I should not be puking up my wine!” While it’s true that I am someone’s mother, I’m also still just ME. And, while I will pass on the getting sick part, it’s okay to kick back and have some fun with my husband without our Sweet Pea.

After that story, and all of my past references to my love for wine, I think it’s pretty pointless to try to convince you all that I’m not a lush…

In the past few days, Mike and I have had a few Milligan Family Budget Meetings to plan for some upcoming expenses. It sure seems like we have a lot these days! Last week, I was telling Mike that I was upset about some of these expenses because I knew that we couldn’t pay for all of the things coming up AND take a vacation any time soon. That really made me sad. I mean REALLY. It seems that as the days go by, I need a break more and more. And not even a break from Olivia. I’d love for the 3 of us to go somewhere and just hang out for a week. Somewhere with sand, and pina coladas (my mandatory beach drink), and plush suites with big comfy beds.

Mike reminded me though that it’s really the small things that make our family amazing. I remember after we got married, we were trying to pay off our wedding (before we went all Dave Ramsey), and we really buckled down on our spending. Most of our weekends were spent taking walks together or watching a movie on Netflix. Then we’d get a six pack of beer and play Rock Band all night. I loved those weekends because we were just spending time together. For 2 days, we would just be US. He’s right, it is the little things that make our family wonderful.  

We have to start thinking smaller scale when it comes to vacations. At least for right now. Hopefully, there will be a day where we can go to some swanky resort where they treat you like Hollywood movie stars even though they know you saved for an entire year to afford to be there. But, for now, we’re just going to take advantage of the little things. Like taking a day off from work and just hanging around the house, doing nothing together. Or taking a short (and inexpensive), overnight trip.

Ultimately, what I want out of this whole vacation thing anyway is time with my 2 favorite people. Time where we don’t have to wake up to a screaming alarm clock and jet off somewhere. Time where we can kick back and just hang out.

However, I’ve still got my eye on this great little all inclusive beach resort! So, if reading this made you feel really sad for us and you’d like to send a donation to The Milligan Family Very Much Needed Vacation Fund, we wouldn’t turn it down!

Resolution Update: Week 19

Weight: 136.5! I am *so* close! However, I'm a little skeptical of this since it's a pretty big jump from last week so we'll see what happens...

Diet/Excercise: Nothing new to report here!

Thoughts/Reflections for the week: Well, it's looking like I am at my ideal weight. I keep hovering around the same 3-4 pounds and I think that's because I've reached a point where losing any more is going to be pushing it. When I met with my endocrynologist on Tuesday of last week, she told me I should probably not lose much (if any) more. She was VERY happy with what I've done and said that if I lost any more, I'd probably start looking too thin. I'm still headed for 135 but it was great to know that I'm at a point where I can relax about losing weight and just enjoy being the *new* me!

And the new me, gets to go clothes shopping soon since everything I own is officially too big!

My Mother's Day Gift

My sweet Oli,

Yesterday we celebrated my FIRST Mother's Day since you came into this world! Last year, I was still pregnant with you and imagining celebrating this year in person. I had no idea that I would feel so emotional about this day. I still maintain that it's mostly a Hallmark Holiday but I felt so happy going to bed Saturday night knowing that I would get to celebrate being your mom the next day. I woke up Sunday feeling overwhelmed with the blessings in our lives and I couldn't wait to see you.

When we first brought you home, I was so excited to start my journey into motherhood. But then it got HARD and after a few weeks of little sleep, I started to have my doubts about motherhood. I knew that I loved you more than I had ever loved anyone (besides your dad) and that I would stick it out no matter what. But I did have times where I just wasn't sure I was cut out for it. I wasn't sure that I would ever be able to meet your needs or survive the sleep deprivation. But in the past 8 & 1/2 months, we've gotten to know each other pretty well and I'd venture to say we are pretty much rocking at this whole mother/daughter thing! We have really grown so much. As I put you to bed Saturday night, I was amazed at just how many memories we already have together.

Our time together has changed me in awesome ways and I absolutely cannot imagine life without you. The strange thing to me is that you won't remember any of these past few months. You won't remember these past months that have changed and shaped me like no other event in my life has.

You won't remember all of the nights we rocked in the glider in your room or how you sometimes throw you arms around my neck and bury your face there. You won't remember the awe I felt the first time you rolled over, crawled, stood up or smiled. You won't remember how the first time you laughed, I cried. You won't remember all of the nights I stood over your crib, praying for you and that God would make me deserving of you as my daughter. You won't remember our first Mother's Day together, sitting at brunch, making faces at each other, throwing your peas on the ground, and making your dad and me laugh. You won't remember that we spent the day playing together and going to church together. And you won't remember that at the end of the day, we fell asleep together on the floor, you curled against my body, asleep in the exact same position.

But I will. I will remember all of these moments. I will remember these moments as if they happened just moments before. I will remember them for the rest of my life.

This is the gift of motherhood, these moments that belong only to me. This is the awesomeness of being a mom. I have these moments for myself. I have these moments to take out, one by one, experiencing them all over again whenever I need. They are mine. And each of these moments is a gift. These moments are my gifts and will continue to be each Mother's Day. Our memories together will grow and each year, I'll have more and more of these gifts to reflect on.

There will be a day when you will likely make or buy me a gift and I will cherish those gifts too. But these moments will always be my favorite gift. I cannot thank you enough for them. I cannot thank you enough for being such an incredible little girl and for the gift of such an incredible kind of love. I feel so honored and blessed to celebrate Mother's Day as YOUR mother.

Resolution Update: Week 18

Weight: 139. Again. Looks like I was right about my weight gain being mostly bloating from my wine binge last week!

Diet/Exercise: Same 'ole, same 'ole. Oh, except that I ate more during the Mother's Day brunch at the Gaylord that Mike and Oli treated me to than I've eaten in the past 3 months! It'll be amazing if I can actually LOSE any weight this week!

Thoughts/Reflections for the week: I have just been feeling really great in my own skin lately! My clothes are fitting great and I've reached a point where most of them are actually too big! My doc says I'm at a good weight and probably shouldn't lose much more. I am just amazed that I've actually reached this point! I'd still like to get to 135 so I've got a few more to go but I am feeling awesome!

I also started physical therapy for my back last week so hopefully I'll be able to get into some exercises other than walking. Funny thing here: the physical therapist said that being overweight was probably helping my back! Ha! I guess the extra weight was providing a kind of counter balance for my spine and when I didn't have that weight anymore, things just shifted! So strange. He assured me I wouldn't have to gain it back to get rid of this pain though. ;)

4 more pounds until goal weight!

Resolution Update: Week 17

Weight: 142. BOOOO!!! I am not at all shocked by this little "rebound" though because I went a little hog-wild this weekend. Mike and I took a little trip out of town for a friend's wedding and I took full advantage of our mini-vacation. It's okay though. At this point, a 3 pound rebound isn't a terrible thing. I'm not thrilled about it but I'm still really happy with my weight. I suspect a lot of this was leftover bloating from the alcohol consumed at the wedding though because when I weighed myself today, I was 140.5. Weird, but still okay.

Diet/Exercise: As mentioned above, I took full advantage of being out of town for a weekend! And I don't regret it one bit!!! I think I deserve a little break every now and then and I've easily gotten back on track this week.

Thoughts/Reflections for the week: Twice this weekend, people who haven't seen me in a while didn't recognize me because of this weight loss! This was a really cool feeling. I feel transformed and it's nice to know that I look it too.

Also, I saw my doc today and asked her about my weight and where I need to finally end up. She said my BMI is a 22 right now (which is like mid-normal range) so at this point it's kind of up to me and where I feel comfortable. I could lose a few more pounds without going into the below average range of BMI but she said that if I'm happy where I am then I'm at a good weight! I NEVER thought I would hear this from a doctor!

After some thought about this in the past week or so and much of today, I've decided that I'd like to be at 135. So, there you have it: my FINAL goal weight!

It's so strange to be at this weight and know that I am in a good weight range. The only other time I've been at this weight was on my way UP to a bigger weight.

So, aside from the 3 pound rebound, so far so good!