A Milligan Family Christmas

This Christmas has been full of miracles!! Now, don't get too excited. Keep in mind that in the land of parenthood, "miracles" is a relative term. But, I'll call the recent happenings in this house miracles none the less.

About 2 weeks ago, I had the bright idea to get family pictures done for Christmas. I have always loved those family pictures with the Christmas tree in the background and the kids in their pretty Christmas dresses and I wanted one of those pictures with my sweet hubby and The Boss Lady. But I KNEW going in to it not to expect too much. When I told Mike I wanted to do this, I told him that I had no expectations for these photos and that if every picture of Oli was of her screaming her head off then so be it. Our families would just have to have photos of our angel doing her Demon Scream on their walls for the next year!

We made our appointment for 7:50 a.m. since our baby is a morning person. She slept in that morning and when we showed up at the studio ON TIME, wait let me say that again,

ON TIME!!!

she was in great spirits. We took our pictures and got some great shots of our sweet girl. You'll see the awsesome shots below! I was so excited and felt like I was on top of the world. Afteward, we headed to church and we were on time again!!! The rest of our afternoon was spent relaxing around the house. Christmas Miracle Number 1.

My sister and I also took Oli to see Santa and she did great!! She didn't smile at him but she was, as Santa put it, "neutral." In the land of parenthood, "neutral" is ALWAYS good! Christmas Miracle Number 2.

The Christmas Miracles just kept coming this weekend as we embarked on a 3 Day Christmas Celebration Extravaganza! For 3 days, we celebrated the holiday with family and not one meltdown occurred. Olivia was a champ through all of our visits and getting out of her normal routine. She loved all of the attention and even showed some interest in her gifts. Well, maybe she was more interested in the wrapping paper and bows but she she still had a great time! And so did we!!

I am so very amazed by my sweet child. I was so looking forward to this first Christmas with her and it truly was wonderful. Actually, it would have been wonderful if she had had a meltdown or two. It was wonderful just because she is here. But it sure was nice that our Christmas was meltdown free!

This Christmas truly was one to remember. Last year, we were only imagining what it would be like to be celebrating with our sweet baby. This year, we got to watch her giggle and smile as we spent time with our incredible families.

As I was putting away our Christmas loot tonight, I couldn't believe it's already over. This season, I was rushed and it was hectice and I was buying gifts on Christmas Eve on the internet at 8 p.m. (for real). I didn't get my Christmas cards out until December 21 and I didn't have enough cute Christmas stationary to print our Christmas letter on. I was so pressed for time to get everything done this year that I even let Mike help me decorate the tree (this is a big deal, trust me!). But, despite all of the craziness, it was the the greatest Christmas on record here in the Milligan house.

I especially want to thank our families again for all that they have done for us. Our families were so generous with us and our angel and we are so blessed that we got to spend time with all of them. They truly made this holiday season so special by being a part of our circus!

And speaking of my little circus, I'll have to wrap this up now. Because, while The Boss Lady may have been great about breaking her bedtime routine these past 3 days, she is NOT okay about going back to it. She's currently in her bed letting me (and most of the neighborhood) know just how unhappy she is. I'll still go to bed tonight with a smile on my face though; thankful for the miracle of my sweet little girl and this awesomeness that was The Milligan Family Christmas.

In joyful hope

There's a part of the Mass that's been on my mind lately, when the priest says "...we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Lord, Jesus Christ." This month, that line has really been sticking out for me. I love that the church celebrates the coming of Christ with joyful hope. Or should I say JOYFUL!! HOPE!!! Because that's how I feel when I hear that line. The priest doesn't say "...we wait in fear and trepidation..." We are to be joyful and hopeful that Christ is coming.

Tomorrow is Christmas Day and more than 2,000 years ago, many waited in joyful hope for the birth of Christ. I can't imagine all of the buzz and excitement that must have been in the air. Isn't that how every season since feels? I was at the mall today and there is just an energy right now that you can almost touch. Things just feel different this season. Even though this may or may not be the actual time of year that Jesus was born, people still get so excited about celebrating his birth. Even those who don't attend church or practice their faith regularly, just feel the anticipation of such a grand event.

I remember waiting just 4 short months ago in joyful hope for the birth of my daughter. Okay, so she's not as big of a deal as Jesus Christ but she's still pretty cool and it was the grandest event in mine and Mike's life together. I can't believe we will celebrate our first Christmas with her tomorrow and we are so excited that she is here to be a part of our family traditions now!

Today our angel is 4 months old and as Mike would say, "Well, we've kept her alive for 4 whole months." But, I'd venture to say we've done better than that.

We have an amazing little girl who is growing and learning every single day. She's discovering the world around her and we are in awe of the new things she is doing--grabbing her toes, giggling, smiling, reaching out for things, trying to sit up. And, okay, so maybe she would have learned those things if she was being raised by a pack of wolves but we still like to think we have a little something to do with her awesomeness!

Watching her take in the world around her is just fascinating. I find that every morning, when I get up, I am so excited to start the day with her. I am joyful and hopeful for what that day will bring and what her future holds.

I love hearing her on the baby monitor as she coos and grunts, trying to get out of her swaddle or roll over. I love seeing her face light up when I come in the room and look over her crib. She sleeps through the night so often now that I don't see her from about 8 to almost 7 and I miss her. Mike will probably have me crowned Queen Wackadoo for saying this but sometimes I miss those 4 a.m. wake-up calls because it gave me some extra time with her. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be woken at 4 a.m. by a crying baby! But, I do get so excited to see her each morning. The other night, she did wake up at that time and I certainly didn't squeal in excitement. I think I said "Crap." Or some other version of that word. I don't remember exactly. I was tired. It was 4 in the flippin' morning.

Lately, I find that every day I feel joyful and hopeful about what that day will bring and I am thankful to my sweet Oli for that. I know that I was a joyful and hopeful person before her but there is something about having her here that makes me more aware of how much I have to be joyful and hopeful about. Every month, sometimes daily, things are changing and I'm so excited to see what Oli learns and does in month 5.

Tonight, we'll go to our first midnight Mass as a family of 3 and I am so excited to start  this tradition with The Boss Lady. I know I'm probably asking for a big butt kicking by taking a 4 month old out at midnight but I still want us to do this together. See, I am learning something here. Low expectations!

So now we celebrate the birth of the Savior of our world and the 4 month birthday of our very own angel. And we'll wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Lord and for whatever this next month brings.

This contraption is an eye-sore and takes up about 100 square feet of our house but Oli loves her bouncer!!!

Love, love, love this smile!

Oli loves her daddy!

She always has her hands in her mouth these days. Tried gto take a good 4 month photo of her this morning but she was more interested in her red shoes!  

The Giggle Monster!

I'll do anything to hear this sound! 

Finding Out

One year ago today, Mike and I got the best Christmas gift EVER when we found out we would be spending Christmas 2010 as a family of 3! Tonight as I rocked our sweet angel to sleep, I remembered that I imagined having nights like this with her that first night that I knew she was growing inside of me.

At some point in 2009, Mike and I started to get the Itch. You know, the one where you look at each, look at your friends' babies, look back at each other, and then one of you says, "Wouldn't it be cool if we had a baby of our own?"

Once we had the Itch, we decided to wait to scratch it until after my sister's wedding in late October. She had a destination wedding so we knew we'd want to go and fully enjoy the benefits of an all-inclusive resort.

At the end of October, I had my yearly appointment with my OBGYN and I proudly announced that Mike and I were ready to "start trying" to have a baby! I sort of gushed when I said it. It felt like I was getting this really cool secret out and I asked if there was anything we needed to start doing. She gave me 2 great pieces of advice:

1. Have sex. (Yea!!)

2. Be patient. (Wait...what? I am sooooooo not good at that.)

So, on November 1, we officially started trying to create a Miniature Milligan. And, taking my doctors advice to heart, we successfully completed step 1. Again, carefully considering what she told me, nearly 28 days later, I ran to the nearest Walgreens and picked up a double pack of pregnancy tests. And I was crushed when the little window on the test informed me that I was NOT pregnant already. Needless to say, patience is not a virtue I possess. I found out about my empty womb on Thanksgiving day and spent Thanksgiving evening enjoying one of the benefits of NOT being pregnant--wine.

The next day, as I got up to go to my 5:45 a.m. spin class, Mike commented that he was surprised I was getting up to go to the gym so early on a holiday weekend. "Well, if I can't be pregnant, I might as well be thin," was my retort. And I stormed out the front door. Patience is highly over rated in my opinion.

About a week later, we were at a party to celebrate our friend Wendy's graduation from nursing school. She and her husband Brad were pregnant with their first child. Brad's brother, Ryan, and wife, Maria, were there and they also were expecting their first child. I was talking with Maria that night and asking her how she was feeling. She commented that she was feeling pretty good. She had only experienced a little nausea and she was very thirsty. I remember thinking, "Hmmm...I've been feeling that way a little lately." But, because I didn't want to be disappointed again with another "not pregnant" test, I pushed the thought from my mind.

On December 19, my BFF, Darci, was in town and we had dinner over here with our friends, Jenny, Chris, and Karen. We spent the night talking by the fire pit and drinking wine. A lot of wine. Okay, maybe I was the only one who drank a lot of wine. The point is, by the end of the night there were a few empty wine bottles in my recycling bin.

The next day, Darci and I were getting ready to take a trip to San Antonio for a few days. We had plans to drink margaritas on the Riverwalk (I promise I have other hobbies other than drinking!!) and I wanted to make sure I wasn't pregnant so I could thoroughly enjoy my trip.

About 11 that night, I was getting ready for bed and took out my little pregnancy test. I opened it, I peed, I waited for the screen to tell me my uterus was still empty.

But, then, I saw this:

Yep, I took a picture of my pregnancy test! I was so worried that I read it wrong that, after the second one, I decided to take a picture so I wouldn't take any more!

I immediately stood up and ran to the bedroom, tripping over my pants that were still around my ankles. "MIKE, WAKE UP!!!" I yelled. He sat straight up and asked who needed to go to the hospital. I thrust the stick in his hands and said, "Look at THIS!" He looked, blinked, and tears came to both of our eyes. We sat there on the bed just staring at each other. I think I actually said something like "How did this happen?" I was so in awe that we had actually created another little person! And that little person was actually growing INSIDE OF MY BODY. And then I got a little weirded out because that's the kind of stuff that alien movies are about.

Of course, there was no way I was going to get any sleep that night. So, I headed to the computer to consult the foremost expert on all things medical available on the internet--Google. I Googled everything relating to pregnancy. I found out that the first few weeks of pregnancy, you aren't really pregnant at all. I found out that my Miniature Milligan would make his or her debut sometime around Labor Day (ha!). I found out that my sweet baby was the size of an apple seed.

And then I made the mistake that all expecting moms make. I Googled all of the bad stuff. And trust me, folks, the internet is full of it. By the end of my Googling I was convinced that my little Apple Seed was already in danger. That anything could happen at any moment. I read other womens' accounts of the loss of their babies and I sat at the computer with tears streaming down my face. Don't act like you didn't do it too!

Then I remembered the wine from the night before. What had I done to my poor baby!?!?! I found out the next day that the drinks I had would not affect my child but it didn't stop me from obsessing about it and also Googling "Fetal Alcohol Syndrome." Yes, I really did that.

When I went to bed that night, I tried to rid my mind of these thoughts by thinking about what it would be like when our baby arrived. I imagined the sleepless nights, the times when he or she would be screaming so loudly that Mike and I wouldn't be able to hear each other talk. I imagined how my body would be permanently destroyed, looking less like Barbie and more like Mrs. Potato Head. YEAH. RIGHT.

Since I was totally clueless, I imagined rocking a peaceful baby and gently putting him/her into the crib as Mike and I stared down at our peaceful, no-crying, happy-all-of-the-time creation. I imagined how our first Christmas would be and taking walks through the park together. I wondered who our Miniature Milligan would look like. I planned how we would tell family & friends and when we would make our big announcement.

As I drifted off to sleep, I prayed that God would protect my little Appleseed from harm and I thanked Him for such an amazing blessing. I rubbed my belly and talked to my baby and let him/her know that we were in this together and we were going to be just fine. And I knew that no Christmas could ever top this one.

Obviously, so much has changed in this past year and I no longer have to imagine what our angel baby is like. She's here and we are getting ready to celebrate our first Christmas with her. It probably won't be peaceful or serene but that's okay. The chaos this Christmas is better than I imagined this time last year.

I just have one little thing I'd like to tell the makers of those pregnancy tests. Instead of the words "Yes" or "Pregnant" on that little stick, I think the words that pop up in that screen should say,

"Get ready for the wildest, craziest, most incredible journey of your life."

Olivia plays peek-a-boo...sort of

Okay, so I feel like I've been on a big video kick lately but we are at that stage where Oli is doing so many cool, new things and I want to capture all of them!

AND, I wanted to post this because for all of the crazy, chaotic, not-so-fun times in parenthood, there are many more funny moments.

If you are watching this and you DON'T have kids, you might be thinking "Oh, that poor baby! They just stood there and laughed at her instead of helping." But, trust me, if you decide to embark on this journey, you, too, will someday stand and laugh at your child. It's kind of like payback for all of the times they make you feel like beating your head on a wall. Sometimes, God just gives us a moment to laugh.

For the record, we did NOT put this swaddle on her! Mike had put her in her crib so we could get ready for the day. When we went to get her, this is how we found her. She just couldn't figure out how to get the swaddle off. This kid is a trip!

The other sweet baby in the video is Tessa, the daughter of our friends Randi & Tim. You can tell she's a little confused as to how our silly baby managed to do this!

Quotes & Conversations from the Land of Parenthood

Even though we are only 3 & 1/2 months into this journey, Mike and I have already done a little reminiscing about how we felt and the things we said and did in those first few weeks when The Boss Lady moved in to our home. Most things, we are able to laugh about now and we wanted to share a few of our most memorable quotes and conversations.
***
Mike AND Me: "Olivia, you are pretty much guaranteeing you'll be an only child."

This was said almost daily in those first few weeks.
***
After several nights and hours of Olivia screaming at us around bedtime,

Mike: "Olivia, maybe you can scream some more and keep daddy up all night so he can't go to work tomorrow and he'll get fired and we'll all be homeless. Wouldn't that be great??"
***
The day after we brought Olivia home, my sister and brother-in-law came over to visit. My sister was holding Olivia while she was sleeping and she asked, "Is she always this lethargic?"

Not knowing that most newborns sleep so deeply that you can fold them into pretzels, I, of course, freaked out. "I don't know! I've only known her for 4 days! Mike, call the doctor!!! Olivia is lethargic!!" was my first-time parent response. We had also found out earlier that day that Olivia had a mild case of jaundice. I knew very little about jaundice but I was convinced it was going to be deadly to my child. Naturally. We were waiting for the doc to call us about that as well.

When the doctor called, I answered the phone. "Ms. Milligan, this is the doctor calling back."

Me:  (sobbing uncontrollably) "I can't talk to you right now, here's my husband."

Mike starts to talk to the doc about what is going on with the jaundice. I start screaming (like really screaming) in the background, "MAKE SURE YOU TELL THE DOCTOR SHE IS LETHARGIC!!!" And I repeated that about 97 times. Just in case he couldn't hear me. From 5 feet away.

Doc: "So, is this your first baby?"

Mike: "Yep."

Doc: "Yeah, I thought so."

So, it seems I'm officially on the Wackadoo List at the doc's office.
***
At Oli's one month birthday,

Me: "Mike, I suck at this motherhood thing."

Mike: "Well, I think we are great parents."

Me: "Yeah, right. What have we done that's so great?"

Mike: "We've kept her alive for one whole month. In my book, that's pretty great."

At Oli's two month birthday,

Me: "Mike, I still feel like I suck at parenthood."

Mike: "Well, we've kept her alive for 2 whole months. That's pretty great."

Me: "Yeah, you said that last month. Surely there's a better standard than that."

Mike: (seriously considering) "Nope. That's about as good as it gets right now."

Me: (seriously considering) "Okay. I'll take it."
***
Mike: "Do we have a 'For Sale' sign anywhere around here?"

Me: "No, why?"

Mike: "I'm going to add it next to our 'It's a Girl' sign."
***
At my 4 week post-partum visit with my OBGYN,

Doc: "So, what are y'all doing for contraception?"

Me: "Yes, please."

Mike: "That depends. Can you do a vasectomy in-house today or should I make an appointment?"
***
Me: "Okay, I quit. Where do I turn in my notice?"

Mike: " Unfortunately, Steph, this is like the Mafia. There's no quitting."
***
Mike: "You know, the thing about this parenthood thing is that you have to just have low expectations. That way, you are never disappointed."
***
Me: "Having a baby makes you bi-polar. I mean, here's this tiny person you created who you love more than life. You love them so much and would do anything for them and you want to run away from them all at the same time."
***
I took Olivia up to Mike's office to meet his coworkers,

Coworker: "Oh my goodness, she's so wonderful. I can't believe y'all talk about how much she cries! She hasn't cried at all here. She is such a good baby!!"

And that's the day I was arrested for assaulting someone at Mike's office.

Okay, not really, but I do think we said something like, "Yeah, we got one of those No Crying models. Neat, huh?"
***
Just a few weeks ago, Mike and I were going to bed and I said, "You know, I remember that this was really hard in the beginning but I can hardly remember why it was so hard."

And Mike proceeded to list every single reason it was so hard. Apparently hormones haven't yet erased his memory.
***
Mike AND Me: "Why in the world would anyone have more than one of these???!!!???"
***
And our most recent,

"Yeah, okay, maybe I could do this again."

I'll let you guess which one of us said that...

Bedtime at the Milligan house

I wonder who our bedtime routine works best for?

From The Boss Lady

Ladies & Gentlemen,

The Boss Lady would like to make a statement,

Hail Mary, full of grace

I LOVE Christmas music. Yes, I am that person who turns on the 24 hour Christmas music station and blasts it until they go back to playing Lite Rock. I love every single rendition of Frosty the Snowman and every year I wonder about that song that talks about telling scary ghost stories and how that's even relevant to Christmas. But I sing along in my car every time I hear it. Loudly.

I love that for one solid month, every song is cheery and bright. Even rap artists take a break from slappin' them hoes to sing their version of Silent Night.

This year, one particular song has really stuck out to me. In it, the artists ask Mary a few questions about her son. They ask if she knew that he would someday walk on water. They ask if she knew that the son she delivered would one day deliver her.

I feel a special kinship with Mary right now. Although our stories are pretty different, I feel like I can relate to her a little, mom to mom. I wish I could sit down with her over a cup of coffee and ask her a few questions of my own.

Like the artists of the song, I also wonder how much she knew about the amazing little boy she was raising. I wonder if she knew just how special he truly was. I wonder if, like every mom, she looked at him when he was just out of the womb and just KNEW he was the most beautiful and amazing baby that had ever been born.

I wonder if she and Joseph watched him sleep and wondered what he would do when he grew up. Did they sit over dinner and talk about how they would fund carpentry school or what on earth they would do if he one day announced he didn't want to go to carpentry school at all?

I wonder if she had moments of doubt when he was screeching at her at 3 in the morning and she couldn't figure out what was wrong. I wonder if she and Joseph ever looked at each other and said "What in the world did we get ourselves into?"

I wonder if she took afternoon naps with Jesus, him sleeping on her chest. When she woke up, did she stare at his tiny face and want to stay in that moment forever? Did she marvel at every single thing he did? Rolling over, smiling, cooing, laughing at the silly faces she and Joseph made at him.

Did she ever want to tuck him back inside of her belly to protect him from all of the craziness of the world? Was she scared when she fully realized why he had been born?

Without a doubt, Mary is a much stronger, more holy, and more patient mother than I am or ever will be. I can't imagine loving a child the way she must have loved Jesus and the way I love Oli, then realizing that he had something to do here that she could not protect him from.

When I look at Oli, I feel such a sense of pride and one-ness with her. She belongs to Mike and me. We belong to each other. But, the truth is, The Boss Lady doesn't really belong to us at all. She was a gift to us, from God, and she belongs to Him. Like Mary and Joseph, Mike and I don't really have any claim over our child at all.

We hope and pray every day though that we will not be asked to do what Jesus' parents had to. I cannot imagine the strength and trust they had to have to let him go.

How did you do it, Mary? How did you watch your son perform miracles and be persecuted for them? How did you trust God so fully?

I like to think I trust God fully with my life, my family, my daughter. But, the kind of trust Mary had is overwhelming and hard to fathom for me. I know that I will never be the woman she was.

Each night, when we put Olivia to bed, we pray over her. I thank God for the miracle she is. I ask Him to help me to deal with her with patience and love the way He always deals with me. I ask Him to keep her healthy and to keep her safe as she sleeps. I pray that she gets a good night of rest for a great day tomorrow. I thank God for trusting me with her. I ask Him to make me worthy of that trust. To make me the mom that she deserves.

God trusted Mary. He trusted her with His ONLY son. Perhaps that's why she was able to trust Him so completely. He had given her an amazing gift in Jesus. He had chosen a woman so holy and so pure to carry the Savior of the world and He trusted her to let him do what he was put here for.

I can only strive to be the mom that Mary was. I strive to trust God the way she trusted Him. And I often close my prayers each night with a devotion to her, my model of motherhood.

Hail Mary, full of grace,

The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women,

and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,

pray for us sinners,

now and at the hour of our death. 

Amen. 

Dating 101

Okay, I'll admit it: I love the After Thanksgiving Day Sales! I was happy not to be out in the craziness on Black Friday this year since I have a little person to tote around but I actually really do love those insane sales. I love the crowds and the excitement and the savings! One of my favorite memories is of my sister and I getting up one Black Friday at around 4 a.m. We headed to Starbucks and then we shopped till we dropped until about 8 or 9 that night. I even kinda loved the adrenaline rush I got when someone shoved me and I turned around all tough-girl like to see who had done it!

This year, though, I took it a little easier and joined some girl friends for a little shopping the Saturday after Thanksgiving. We met up for lunch first and then hit the stores to see what bargains were still going.

I ended up not buying a thing but I loved my girl time and enjoyed getting to engage in some girl talk over lunch. Jenny, Rachel, Heather, and I spent the majority of our time just gabbing over lunch and that was probably my favorite part. These 3 ladies are fantastic and our conversation eventually turned to the most popular topic during a girls' lunch: relationships. The three of them are not yet married so we talked a lot about dating and what's new in the dating world.

It's been almost 6 years since I met Mike and officially took myself off the market but I always enjoy hearing my single girlfriends' stories about their dating lives. I find that as I hear some of their stories now, I often look back at my own dating life and the things I've learned over the years. Of course, I made some goofy dating decisions but I hope I've learned enough to be able to pass on a few gems to my girls and to my daughter in the (hopefully) distant future.

After my lunch on Saturday, I got to thinking about what it would be like when Olivia starts dating. I can't even imagine what it will be like to see her go through that! So, just in case she wants to know what her dear old mom has to say on the subject, here are just a few dating tips for my daughter (and my girls!):

If it walks like a duck...
...and talks like a duck and 20 people tell you it's a duck, chances are, it's a duck. Not clear enough? Okay, if he walks like a World Class Butthole, and talks like a World Class Butthole, and 20 of your friends and family members are calling him a World Class Butthole, chances are, you've snagged yourself a World Class Butthole. Look, I know what they say about opinions but your friends' and family members' opinions should probably count for something. They love you and want to see you happy. So, if they are telling you that your newest love is a Loser, listen. At least a little.

That being said...
...follow your gut. You know when things are not going well in your relationship. This is YOUR relationship and you know better than anyone else how it's actually going. I've been fortunate enough to have family & friends who were willing to stand up and tell me that I was dating a World Class Butthole. But, the truth is, I already knew that. I didn't need someone to tell me that Joe Schmoe was a Super Schmuck. I knew it in my gut. But, I, like all women, have inherited the Curse of Eve. The more you tell me not to eat the apple, the more I want to take a bite. My older sister, Carly, gave me some great advice one time when I was going on and on about the latest goon I was dating. I knew that he was bad for me. I admitted he was bad for me. I told her that all of my friends told me he was bad for me. But, for some reason, I wasn't letting him go. And then she said, "When you get a belly full, you'll let go." I needed to figure out my relationship on my own. And I needed to learn when to let go. That's something that's hard to teach. So, listen to your gut. When you get a belly full, you'll know.

Two halves, don't make a whole.
While that may not be true for 3rd grade fractions, it's 100% true in relationships. Two half people cannot "complete" each other. No, you do not have to be fully grown when you enter into a relationship. Of course, two people can, and probably should, grow together at least a little bit. But, you cannot be a seriously deficient human being when you enter into a relationship with another person. If you do not already have some idea about who you are or what you want to be, take time to do that FIRST. When you are in a relationship where you are trying to figure out who you are or what you want, you are going to get frustrated and you will frustrate the other person. And if you happen to find someone who is seriously deficient, please don't trick yourself into thinking you can heal or fix him. You are not some kind of Girlfriend Messiah.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
If you walk into McDonald's and order a meal, the cashier isn't going to throw in an apple pie just for the heck of it. Why? Because you didn't ask for one. In the world of dating, you get what you ask for. So, if you want to be respected, you have to ask for it. Sometimes you even have to demand it. No, you don't have to be all rude and diva-like about it. You wouldn't tell the cashier at McDonald's to give you your damn apple pie right now, damn it! But, there would be an understanding that if you asked for an apple pie and didn't get it, you probably wouldn't come back to that McDonald's again. Not everyone is going to sell you short, but, it's been my experience that what I didn't ask for in dating, I didn't get. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. You deserve to be respected so don't let anyone get away with not giving you that. Ask for the apple pie.

Know your worth
In order to get the above-mentioned Respect, you have to first know that you are worth it. AND YOU ARE. You are worth a lot more, too. Not sure what you're worth? Ask those who already love you. They know how amazing and special you are. There's a reason that the people in your life stick around to remain your friend. They think you are pretty awesome and for good reason. Because you are. And if anyone ever makes you feel like you are less than that, show them the door. Nobody should ever make you feel bad about yourself. That goes for dating and every other relationship as well. If the other person does or says things that make you feel bad, this is NOT  a healthy relationship. Relationships should build you up and help you grow, not tear you down.

Be in the moment.
I have seen so many women get so caught up in getting the ring or the commitment or the whatever, that they can't enjoy where they are in their relationship. I was one of those women for a short time. After Mike and I had been together for a little over a year, everyone started asking me if I thought he would pop The Question soon. How in the hell would I have known that??? Shouldn't they have been asking HIM?? But, like most women, I kept waiting for a sign that The Question was coming. Every nice dinner we sat down to, I was ready and waiting for it. I practiced my answer, my surprise face, and the way I would announce to family and friends. And when dinner would end and the evening would be over and my left ring finger would be very empty, I would feel a little let down. I realized this had gotten a little out of control during my birthday weekend. Mike planned this amazing weekend and I was just SURE that he was going to ask me to be Mrs. Milligan. But he didn't. And I cried. ON MY BIRTHDAY. Ridiculous. I was so caught up in whether he was going to ask me to marry him that I almost missed out on the fact that this wonderful man had planned a fantastic weekend just for me. That's the weekend I just let it go and decided to just enjoy where we were in our relationship. Three weeks later he asked me to be his wife. And I was GENIUNELY surprised. The phases of a relationship change quickly so try to enjoy them. The minute Mike asked me to marry him, I was no longer a Girlfriend. And I will never again be a Girlfriend. And the minute I said "I do," I was no longer a Fiance. And I will never again be a Fiance. I'm not saying I want to be, but those are phases of my life I can't repeat. So, be in the moment and enjoy where you are.

Have fun!!!
Dating should be fun. If you aren't having fun, stop doing it. There are a lot of interesting people out there. Dating is one fun way to get to know some of those people. I know that you think that marriage is the ultimate goal of dating but have fun and enjoy the journey! Try not to take every single date so seriously that you aren't enjoying the fun of getting ready before a date, talking about it with your girlfriends non-stop before and after, and those butterflies you get when you first sit down to dinner and aren't totally sure where the conversation should start. Seriously, take a deep breath and HAVE FUN!

And most importantly, date only good Catholic boys that your mother approves of. Okay, so that one's for The Boss Lady specifically! ;)

Unfortunately, I'm sure she'll date her share of World Class Buttholes that I do not approve of. I know I dated my fair share before I met Mike. And that's okay. I hope she has fun learning about herself through those experiences. I hope a few nice guys get mixed in so she doesn't start to believe that there are no good men out there. I hope she goes to lunch with her girlfriends on a Saturday afternoon and talks about her date the night before. And most of all, I hope she has FUN!

Because when she does meet Mr. Right, she won't want any reason to ever doubt or look back. When she begins that new journey into the world of marriage, she can leave the dating world behind with fun memories but without a second glance.

Oh so thankful!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

That's how the story of this year's Milligan Thanksgiving begins. The best of times because we got to celebrate The Boss Lady's first Thanksgiving and we got to spend the day surrounded by family. The worst of times because, as usual, I forgot how chaotic and difficult hosting Thanksgiving dinner would be with a new little person in the house!

As usual, we hosted Thanksgiving this year and we got up bright and early Thanksgiving morning to do the Turkey Trot in Ft. Worth. And, as usual, I took several shortcuts to get to the finish line early! Afterward, we headed back to the Milligan casa for mimosas and breakfast casserole and the turkey frying began! So far, so good.

Well, either we forgot to ask The Boss Lady if our plans worked for her or she just didn't understand that her role was to play sweetly on her playmat as we got everything ready for our 1 o'clock lunch. Either way, the day started to get challenging pretty much immediately after we got home from the Turkey Trot. She did pretty good for a while but my sister and I spent most of our prep time juggling her. Needless to say, we were running more than a little late getting things ready.

And then, just as the turkey came out of the fryer, my sweet angel erupted into Nuclear Melt Down Mode.

So there I sat, alone in her room, being screeched at for well over an hour. Nothing would calm her down. She had had enough of our chaos and she was letting me know all about it. I rocked, nursed, sang softly, and swaddled and still the Devil Scream went on. My poor baby was so overwhelmed and just did not know how to find her happy place again.

Oh, and did I mention I hadn't yet showered? Oh, and did I mention that all of our guests had arrived?

I finally got her calmed down and rushed to the shower as Mike began carving the turkey. I went into Warp Speed Mode and spent the time worrying about all of the other things that needed to get done. The stuffing needed to be warmed, cranberry sauce needed to be put out, water glasses needed to be filled, and, well, you get the picture.

When I emerged, to my amazement, all of the preparations had been completed! My family had worked to get everything ready!! The cranberry sauce was out, the turkey was carved, all of our dishes were out and ready to be served.

And that's when I took a deep breath and remembered how very blessed I am. My family is a truly amazing group of people and I needed to have that moment to be reminded that they are here to step in and help out when I need it. That they are here to love me and be a part of my life, not to just show up as "guests" at dinner. They pitch in every year and this is the first year that I TRULY realized just how much they do and how much I need them in my life. I have so very much to be thankful for and I'd like to recognize everyone who was here this Thanksgiving to make it so amazing.

Thank you...

to God who gave me this amazing and crazy life. Who gave me family and friends with whom I am close enough that they can come to my house on Thanksgiving day, see me un-showered and patiently wait while I get showered as they finish the prep for our lunch. To God who gave us all His ONLY child so that we might have everlasting life with Him. Who through that sacrifice allows us to enjoy this life to its fullest. Without His grace, I wouldn't have even been here, amidst all of this chaos, this Thanksgiving Day.

to my incredible husband who deals with all of my craziness in the days before Thanksgiving as I clean the house (and make him help!) and get all of the preparations ready. To the man who sits in the cold every year to fry our turkey and has NEVER complained about it. Who at the end of the day, tells me how great the mac n' cheese was even though it really wasn't.

to my Sweet Pea for teaching me that the best laid plans can be immediately deposited in the trash. My sweet Oli reminds me that life is not about having every single thing in order but about riding the wave and enjoying every precious moment. Thank you, my sweet girl, for being a part of our craziness and for being such a strong little person. I am so VERY happy you are here.

to my sister, Michelle, without whom Thanksgiving, and many other events at this house, would never take place. We jokingly refer to her as my "staff" and she really ought to get paid for all of the work she does. She and my brother-in-law stay the night before Thanksgiving every year and they help tremendously. She is a trooper putting up with me giving orders and I honestly don't know how I would do this without her. I am blessed to call her my sister and best friend.

to my brother-in-law Michael, who sits in the cold with Mike to fry our turkey. I get so much joy out of seeing the two of them sitting in the yard, cold beer in hand, umbrella over the turkey fryer to keep the rain/sleet out, frying the turkey and talking about whatever guys talk about.  He has a huge heart and I am so happy he is a part of my family.

to my mom, Jannette, who got here and got to work immediately when she saw that so much still needed to be done. She brought such a silly and happy presence and I so appreciate her bright attitude when so much chaos is going on! She is a wonderful grandmother to my sweet Oli.

to Aunt Becky and Hannah for driving all the way to The Prairie to join us this year! Thank you so much for entertaining Olivia as Michelle, my mom, and I got everything ready and thank you for embracing the circus that is our life. We loved having you here and hope we get to do it again someday.

to my mother-in-law, Margaret, for making the trip from Albuquerque to be here for Olivia's first Turkey Day, for "baby sitting" her as Mike and I put out Christmas decor this weekend, and for sitting in the backseat with my angel as she Devil Screamed during a 30 minute car ride. For 30 minutes, she tirelessly attempted to settle Oli down with silly faces and sounds. It didn't have much effect on Sweet Pea but it provided some comic relief for Mike and me!

to my sister-in-law, Emily, who rolls up her sleeves every time she is here and knocks out the dishes like a champ! If it were not for her, I wouldn't be able to write this because I'd still be up to my elbows in dishwater. She also left at the beginning of the Cowboys game to drive Mike's grandma back home. She is a total sweetheart and I'm so happy to be able to call her a friend.

to my brother-in-law, Matt, who always shows up with a smile on his face and a happy spirit. He is such a bright spot in our lives. And he is a great uncle to Olivia and had a great time encouraging her to cheer on the Cowboys during the game--even though Olivia is a born Saints fan. I know Mike appreciates him trying to convert her!

to Nana, Mike's paternal grandmother, for being such a classy and amazing lady. She is a kind, strong woman and we admire her so much. Making the trip to our house is difficult for her but she did it with a smile on her face. We are so happy we got to spend this holiday with her.

to all of our family and friends who couldn't be here with us that day but who took the time out of their days to wish us a happy FIRST Thanksgiving with Olivia. It means so much that you all remembered us at such a special time in our lives. We are blessed to have all of you in our lives.

So, as it turns out, it was the BEST of times...

And that's how the story of this year's Milligan Thanksgiving ends.

Olivia's first Turkey Trot

My little turkey!

My brother-in-law, Michael. This is how you'll usually find the guys after the eating is done!

My brother-in-law, Matt

My sweet hubby. Yes, he's sleeping sitting up!

The Boss Lady is following in her uncles' and daddy's footsteps!

Falling in love again

I never thought it would be possible to be in love with two people at the same time. In fact, before I met Mike, I wasn't even sure I believed in falling love at all. But then I did. Mike was strong, kind, and somehow able to absorb so much of my craziness! I fell in love with him, heart and soul, and I was convinced he was the only person I'd ever be in love with.

Then it happened again. Yes, I fell in love with another. Dark hair, blue eyes, chubby cheeks. Who knew that the second time I fell in love it would be with someone so demanding, so needy, and with a scream so piercing I was sure my ear drums were bleeding those first few weeks. Someone whose smile would melt my heart and brighten my world despite how crazy things got. But it happened.

The first second I laid eyes on Olivia Anne, I fell hard. As Mike held her in his arms to show her to me, I looked at the two of them, these keepers of my heart, and I knew that, yes, it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. I knew in that instant that my heart will forever be in the hands of these two amazing people.

And as a huge bonus, when I fell in love with Olivia, I got to fall in love with my husband all over again.  

When I fell in love with Mike, that loved changed me and my love for Oli has changed me too, I think. My mom recently told me that she thinks I'm less OCD and a little more laid back than I was before having a baby. I certainly hope that's true. Isn't that what love is supposed to do for you? Isn't it supposed to change you, make you better, stronger, more YOU than you ever knew possible?

In the 3 months that she's been in my life, I have learned so much about The Boss Lady and even more about myself. Every day I fall more in love with her and I am pushed to grow more than I knew was possible. Some days I'm not sure I have a clue what I'm doing but I embrace the new, the crazy, and the unknown, every day!

Today, on this 3 month birthday of my sweet angel, I want to take a moment to celebrate falling in love all over again...

Hey mom, how about you quit flashing that bright light at me and get this goofy flower off of my head?

She gave up on tummy time and just fell asleep instead.

First Halloween

Happy happy girl!

Surprise!

Hey look, it's Mike's mini-me!

Good morning!

Sweet, snuggly baby

3 months old today!





Curve-a-licious!

During the last tri-mester of my pregnancy, I remember thinking and saying how much I was looking forward to getting my body back. I longed to slip on a pair of my favorite jeans and wear my pre-pregnancy wardrobe again.

For nearly 3 months I have waited for my pre-pregnant body to return but it seems that it is nowhere to be found. It seems that the pregnancy books neglected to mention that just because I wasn't pregnant anymore, doesn't mean that I'll get my body back right away!

On Saturday afternoon, Mike and I had plans to meet up with some people and I so badly wanted to wear something normal for a change. I've been making great use of my maternity pants but I'd love to be back in regular jeans. The truth is, maternity pants just don't look as cute without the big pregnant belly to go with them. I tried on every pair of pants I owned and several different shirts.

The problem is, I can barely get my regular jeans up over my hips! And my old shirts make me look like a Hooters girl gone wrong. These child-birthing hips and milk-filled breasts just aren't loving being squeezed into the Old Stephanie's wardrobe. 

And to top it all off, my hair has started falling out! I hear that's common but, seriously?!?! I can just hear the conversations now: "You know, Olivia's mom, that fat, bald lady." To think I always envisioned myself as being the "hot mom" someday!

During the first few weeks and months of being pregnant, I wanted a belly to show off! I longed to see proof that I was carrying a little miracle. I loved when my belly finally stuck out enough that I could fill out a pair of maternity jeans!

Now, I just wish my body would get the message that my sweet angel has vacated the womb and everyone can go back to where they were.

But, alas, it does not seem that will be happening any time soon. I guess I just have to be okay with that for now. The fact is, I'm not the Old Stephanie any more. And in more ways than one.

A lot about me has changed and my body is just one of the most visible things. Hopefully, some day I'll be Olivia's hot mom, but for now, my body is adjusting to motherhood. Right now, one of my body's major functions is to provide food for my child so I guess I'll give myself a little grace period. I'm trying to think of my new body as Curve-a-licious instead of just Chubby!

I am definitely working towards reclaiming my pre-pregnancy size but I'm taking baby steps. Saturday evening, I went to Chick-fil-a, and I am proud to report that I did NOT order a shake to go with my sandwich and nuggets! Yep, I said sandwich AND nuggets. I'm technically still eating for two!! Baby steps, people.

In the world of parenthood, time moves fast so I have no doubt that, sooner than I realize, I'll be able to retire these maternity pants. In the meantime, I'll enjoy having a little stretch in my pants. A friend recently reminded me on Facebook of the Friends episode where Joey wears Phoebe's maternity pants and calls them his "Thanksgiving pants!" I'm going to stretch that and call them my "Holiday Pants." Makes 'em sound fancier. So, I'm hanging on to them for now. After all, the holidays ARE just right around the corner!

The view of my closet floor after trying on several pre-pregnancy outfits!

Back to "Normal?"

Ever wonder what your life theme song would be if you had one? Last weekend, mine was definitely the circus theme! It seemed that everything that could go wrong did go wrong!

Friday started out with me taking Mike's car to have the oil change and get inspected. I sat in the Jiffy Lube with a very active and fussy 2 & 1/2 month old trying to eat my Chick-fil-a nuggets (which she kicked on the floor) only to be told that the car did not pass inspection and needed a new thing-a-ma-jig to get it up to code. Mike and I made plans to drop his car off at the mechanic's that night.

As we drove his car to the shop, mine started overheating and we had to turn around and go home. We made plans to take my car in to the shop the next morning.

After spilling cat litter all over the dining room floor, breaking 2 wine glasses, and setting off the smoke detector twice thereby waking up The Boss Lady, we FINALLY settled down on the patio by the firepit and tried to unwind with a little help from our good friends Red and White Wine. That's the same night Oli decided not to sleep through the night after a week of having done so. Ever had to get up at 3 a.m. after a few glasses of wine (NO JUDGING!!!) to take care of a small baby?? Good times.

The next morning, we tried to drive my car to the shop and it broke down on the side of the road.

That night we had a date-night planned--dinner and a movie. We got to the restaurant only to discover that we left our movie tickets at home. We went home after dinner and were sound asleep by 10!

On Sunday, our garbage disposal broke. Neat.

We've never looked forward to a Monday so much in our lives!

And amidst all of the chaos, we still had to be parents and take care of our Angel Baby. I had no idea how much more chaotic things can be when you add in taking care of a child!

As I was getting ready for church Sunday morning, I was rocking Olivia with my foot as I blow dried my hair with one hand and brushed my teeth with the other. When Olivia would get settled down, I would run to the laundry room trying to get a few loads done. Then, I'd have to run back to her before she errupted into Nuclear Melt Down Mode. Don't worry, Mike was there helping and doing his own morning chores too!

That's when the thought hit me: "Jeez, I'll be glad when my life gets back to normal."

Normal?? What the heck is that?? This just in for Stephanie:

WELCOME TO YOUR NEW "NORMAL"!!!

Okay, so I know that not every weekend will involve everything in my house breaking. But, my life is a juggling act now. Things are going to happen and I don't get to take a break from The Boss Lady's needs to get things back in order. While she seemed to handle the weekend's insanity pretty well, it was so much harder to get through all of those things with her than it was when it was just Mike and me.

When my brother-in-law made the comment on Sunday that he had been bored that weekend, Mike and I just looked at him with envy in our eyes. Ahhhhhhh, Boredom!! How we miss that feeling!!!!

Unfortunately, Boredom doesn't exist in Crazy Town. And you know what? That's okay. Because for all of the bad chaos, there's a ton of good chaos too. Like getting to see our sweet baby smile and roll over and all of the other amazing milestones. Like getting to put her to bed together and see her sweet face in the mornings. Like getting to have each other to laugh with and drink wine with and hug each other when everything just seems out of control.

The good news here is that the cat litter got vacuumed up, the wine glasses got swept up, the garbage disposal got fixed, and both cars are running very well. And we made it through the chaos together.

The circus theme music might just be following me around for a while after all. This weekend, if we end up on the patio by the firepit with a glass (or 3!) of wine, we'll toast to Crazy Town, our new Normal!

Ten Things You Should Know

As a new mom, I feel it's my responsibility to pass on the knowledge I've accquired. So, I've compiled this little list of 10 things anyone who is about to become a mom or is considering becoming a mom should know:

1. A ponytail is considered an up-do. See? You CAN have fancy hair while running around the house in blue jeans and a t-shirt that looks tye-dyed because of the poop and spit-up stains.

2. So you are one of those women who takes forever to get ready in the morning? No worries. You'll learn to cut that time to about a tenth of what it currently is and learn to get ready faster than a Nascar pit crew can change a flat tire.

3. If you go someplace where there's a long line and you just don't want to wait in it, just start bouncing your baby and saying things like "It's okay, sweetie, I know you haven't eaten in 4 hours, haven't had a nap, and just pooped your diaper, but we are going to be out of here very soon. If you need to cry it out, just go ahead, sugar. Mommy totally understands and is here for you." People will let you go ahead of them. I promise.

4. When you are in the hospital, you are going to feel like you are on top of the world and that nothing could ever go wrong in your life. NEWS FLASH: You feel that way because you are DOPED UP!!! And you have a staff of 800 nurses and doctors waiting on you hand & foot. When you get home, the drugs will wear off and your staff will be gone and your post-pregnancy hormones will punch you in the face. The best thing you can do is hold on to friends and family for dear life and wait for it to be over. It will end and you will have some war wounds to hold over your kid's head at a later date.

5. Ever said the words "Your baby's cry is just so *cute*!!" to a new mom? Well, you are about to get what you deserve for ever having said that. Trust me.

6. Don't EVER wake a sleeping baby!!! Especially if she will sleep 6 hours through the night when you first bring her home. Do. Not. Wake. Her. Even if some ya-hoo who went to school for 16 years and calls himself "doctor" tells you to.

7. You'll learn that you don't really need to watch a tv show or a movie all the way through to get the gist of what's going on. After all, isn't your life amusing and dramatic enough at this point??

8. You'll be amazed by what you learn to do one-handed since your baby wants to be held with the other. Cooking dinner? Check. Paying bills? Check. Peeing in a public restroom while squatting? Check. You'll discover talent you never knew you had!

9. Ever sat in a room with other parents and listened as they talked about their baby's poop and feeding schedule and wondered if they also remove a part of your personality when you have kids??? Welcome to our club. Your new member card is in the mail.

10.  You are about to fall in love. BIG TIME. Get ready for it because it is going to rock your world and you will never be the same. And you won't want to be. Enjoy the ride!

Let's Talk About Sex!

Just a few short weeks ago, I was having lunch with some friends (one of them also a new mom) and the conversation turned to the topic of sex after having a baby. Never did I ever think sex would be such a big deal until I, myself, was facing Post Partum Sex. And, for those of you who don't already know, this is sort of a big deal because after having a baby, you aren't "allowed" to have sex for about 6 weeks.

I have to admit that I was a little nervous about getting back in the game again! At my 4 week post-partum visit with my doctor, she informed Mike and me that we could start again in 2 weeks. I could tell from the look in Mike's eyes that he saw this as Christmas coming early this year. For me, it felt a little like a warning!

Don't get me wrong--I was looking forward to some intimacy with my husband again, but, like I said, I was nervous! After all, I don't exactly have the same body I had pre-baby. My stomach, which has never been washboard-esque, now looks a little like a map of rivers in a country with A LOT of rivers. And my boobs are just humongous. If you are a guy and reading that, you probably think that's hot. But, trust me, it's not. Just last week, I was driving past a small farm and I saw a cow with big swollen udders standing in the field as her calf nursed from her and I had this sudden urge to walk up to her, pat her on the head, and say "I feel ya, sister!" See? Not hot.

The whole lunch conversation got me thinking about sex. And not just in a hot, steamy way. I mean, I have a kid now. A sweet little girl. What would I teach her about sex when the time came?? And, like most parents, I don't want my child to make the same mistakes I made. And I certainly don't want her to learn about such a hot topic from television or some creepy guy.

What would I tell her about doing the deed?? Would I tell her to come to me first and try to be "cool" about the whole thing? Would I tell her to wait to get married? How would she know what to do when the time came for her to make that decision?

It hit me that we have such a crazy view of sex in this country. Most of what young people learn (and most of what I learned) comes from television shows where the portrayal of sex is just outrageous.

Think about it. On tv shows, married sex is just laughable. Most married couples look a little ridiculous. There's the cute, but naggy wife and the buffoon of a husband who's always trying to initiate sex while she swats him away because she's too tired from chasing after the kids all day. Or someone is stressed, or gassy, or just name the excuse for never getting any.

Single sex is portrayed as this exciting, hot, amazing thing. Men and women alike can have lots of it and never get hurt. They have their night of passion and then head back to their apartment to dish about it with their friends. When one of them does get knocked up, they all pitch in to raise the baby and everyone lives happily ever after.

Get real. Look, I'm not judging AT ALL. Because the truth is, I bought into this lie and I had sex before I was married (sorry you had to hear about it this way, Mom.). And guess what? I regret it. And not just for the usual reasons. For a second, let's put aside the moral issues and the risk of disease or unplanned pregnancy. I regret it because it was just a big waste of my time, energy, and heart.

When I could have been spending time with my awesome girlfriends, there I was with Joe Schmoe, feeling uncomfortable and not confident enough to say what felt good or didn't. Then, I'd worry if he would call again or respect me the next day. It just wasn't good. I shared a part of myself that Joe Schmoe didn't have an appreciation for. 

The real truth is that, since I've been married, I've had the greatest sex of my life!! Don't worry, I won't go into detail, but, it's true. The fact is, it's amazing because it has a few things you just can't get outside of a marriage: trust, respect, and total commitment. And, yeah, sometimes we are tired or gassy or whatever but that doesn't mean we don't do it well or often!

I'm not saying we should have tv shows that are all about married sex, but I do think we should stop feeding the lie.

Now, let me get down from my soapbox so I can answer the question you are probably dying to hear the answer to. Did we get back in the game?? Oh yeah, we did!

And when we did, it was just as awesome as it was before having a child. It turns out, I didn't have to feel self-conscious at all about my new "flaws" since having Oli. Mike didn't see all of the imperfections that I do. He saw his wife, the woman whose body carried and fed his child and whose heart belongs completely to him. 

The next morning, I didn't have to worry about whether he would respect me because I already know he does. When he got up to get The Boss Lady and change her diaper, it didn't make the night before any less passionate or meaningful. When he brought her to our room, she laid there between us and we stared at her beautiful face, in awe of this amazing person we made together, and I knew that, yeah, I'll ask her to wait for her husband. Because THIS is worth the wait.

Let the good times ROLL!!!

I cannot believe I am already posting this at just 10 weeks, but my sweet baby just ROLLED OVER!!!! I am so totally stunned by this and a little scared that she is developing so fast! Mike's convinced she'll be crawling soon!

I had no idea this milestone would have me feeling so excited AND a little freaked out! My baby really IS growing so fast!!!

Our Big Night Out!

One of the great things about having a child is getting to experience so many "firsts" in their life. It's like getting to relive all of your favorite experiences! This weekend was, of course, The Boss Lady's first Haloween! We had a great time taking her trick or treating with her cousins and seeing her in her cute ladybug costume!

But, this past weekend was also a HUGE first for Mike and me!!! As you know, Wednesday was our anniversary and we wanted to do something fun to celebrate. The past 2 years, we've taken a trip and that was definitely out of the question this year. So, we decided on a local stay-cation of sorts.

We booked a wine tour in Grapevine for their annual Hallo-Wine tour AND we booked a room at the Gaylord for Saturday night! That's right, it was our FIRST night away from our Sweet Pea!!! My sister and her husband stayed with Oli and I'm happy to report that everyone did GREAT!!!

I have to admit that I was a little nervous going into the weekend. All I had heard from other mom-friends was that the first time away from their child was very tough. And I have to admit that I probably stalled a little leaving the house. I was torn. On one hand, I was so excited to have a day and night with just Mike. On the other, I would miss my sweet girl while I was gone.

After several last minute instructions for my sister and brother-in-law and much prodding from Mike we finally headed out the door!

When we left the house, I was determined not to worry myself sick all day about how Olivia was getting on. I was determined not to cry on the way to the wineries and not to call every half hour to check in. And I didn't do either of those things!!!

BUT, since my sister sometimes knows me better than I know myself, she texted pictures of my angel periodically throughout the day to let me know that things were going well. And for that, I could not be more grateful.

The wine tour was fantastic and I was excited to learn that I'm an extremely cheap drunk now! After nearly a year of not drinking, I was nice and fuzzy after about my 5th tasting. We ate and drank our way through the wineries of Grapevine and then headed to Bob's Chophouse for dinner.

I was so excited to have a real grown-up dinner that I may have over done it just a bit there! One skill I've learned since having a baby is how to inhale my food. Most nights, dinner is like a WWF wrestling match where Mike and I are tagging each other in to make the food, handle the baby, and eat. I was so excited to have more than 5 minutes to eat my dinner and talk to my husband without interruption!

Wine, good food, and a nice, quiet hotel room--this was definitely an amazing anniversary celebration!

As I laid in bed that night, enjoying the lack of the sound of the baby monitor next to my bed, I thought about the great day Mike and I had had. We had even talked about doing this again in February for Valentine's Day!

And then I wondered what it said about me as a mom that I hadn't been upset about leaving Olivia and that I was actually ENJOYING my time away from her?? I was actually planning future get-aways! Hadn't I heard how hard it is to leave your child? What was wrong with me, as a mom, that I didn't feel that way?

I woke at 4 a.m. the next morning with achey boobs (ah, the joys of breastfeeding!) and I knew why I was at peace about being away from my baby.

I am a mom--all of the time. Whether Olivia is 28 steps from me or 28 miles, I will always be her mom. It's not a costume that I put on when it's convenient or fun. Being a mom is who I am. But, I don't need to be with her 24/7 to have that identity. My achey boobs were proof of that! Even my body knew that just 28.4 miles away, a little girl needed her mom for her 4 a.m. feeding. I will always, ALWAYS be connected to her.

When Oli is 40 years old with a child of her own, I know that I will wake in the middle of the night and miss her or wonder what she's doing or what she's thinking. Our nine months of cohabitating my body will keep us connected forever. She is a part of who I am and I am a part of her. Being away from her doesn't change that.

My enjoyment that day and night didn't have anything to do with the ABSENCE of my child. It had everything to do with the PRESENCE of my husband and our time together. Because my other identity is as a wife. And that comes first.

Even when it's hard to leave our daughter, we have to (and want to!) make time for each other so that our marriage can flourish and thrive in this crazy, chaotic world of parenthood. One of the greatest gifts we can give our child is a marriage that lasts and is happy. And we can't be great parents if we don't take time out for ourselves to refuel each other.

We want Olivia to see that being a parent and being a family is about balance. So we are planning lots of nights out in the future and Oli will get to have lots of slumber parties with her aunts & uncles and grandparents.

And when we come home, we'll do just what we did on Sunday. We'll run into the house and scoop our little girl up into our arms and snuggle with her for the rest of the day.



On our wine tour!




We got to come home to our sweet Ladybug!