As a new mom, I feel it's my responsibility to pass on the knowledge I've accquired. So, I've compiled this little list of 10 things anyone who is about to become a mom or is considering becoming a mom should know:
1. A ponytail is considered an up-do. See? You CAN have fancy hair while running around the house in blue jeans and a t-shirt that looks tye-dyed because of the poop and spit-up stains.
2. So you are one of those women who takes forever to get ready in the morning? No worries. You'll learn to cut that time to about a tenth of what it currently is and learn to get ready faster than a Nascar pit crew can change a flat tire.
3. If you go someplace where there's a long line and you just don't want to wait in it, just start bouncing your baby and saying things like "It's okay, sweetie, I know you haven't eaten in 4 hours, haven't had a nap, and just pooped your diaper, but we are going to be out of here very soon. If you need to cry it out, just go ahead, sugar. Mommy totally understands and is here for you." People will let you go ahead of them. I promise.
4. When you are in the hospital, you are going to feel like you are on top of the world and that nothing could ever go wrong in your life. NEWS FLASH: You feel that way because you are DOPED UP!!! And you have a staff of 800 nurses and doctors waiting on you hand & foot. When you get home, the drugs will wear off and your staff will be gone and your post-pregnancy hormones will punch you in the face. The best thing you can do is hold on to friends and family for dear life and wait for it to be over. It will end and you will have some war wounds to hold over your kid's head at a later date.
5. Ever said the words "Your baby's cry is just so *cute*!!" to a new mom? Well, you are about to get what you deserve for ever having said that. Trust me.
6. Don't EVER wake a sleeping baby!!! Especially if she will sleep 6 hours through the night when you first bring her home. Do. Not. Wake. Her. Even if some ya-hoo who went to school for 16 years and calls himself "doctor" tells you to.
7. You'll learn that you don't really need to watch a tv show or a movie all the way through to get the gist of what's going on. After all, isn't your life amusing and dramatic enough at this point??
8. You'll be amazed by what you learn to do one-handed since your baby wants to be held with the other. Cooking dinner? Check. Paying bills? Check. Peeing in a public restroom while squatting? Check. You'll discover talent you never knew you had!
9. Ever sat in a room with other parents and listened as they talked about their baby's poop and feeding schedule and wondered if they also remove a part of your personality when you have kids??? Welcome to our club. Your new member card is in the mail.
10. You are about to fall in love. BIG TIME. Get ready for it because it is going to rock your world and you will never be the same. And you won't want to be. Enjoy the ride!
cute, steph!! :) and so true!
ReplyDeleteI'd add:
#11
Go ahead and give up on any preconceived notions you had about sleep. You don't truly need 6-8 hrs to function. After those first few weeks at home, you'll be bragging and feeling like a whole new woman after your first night of 4 hours IN A ROW! Additionally, you won't get to "sleep in" again..well..until your kids move out I guess. Your new "sleeping in" is 6 am. Embrace it, and you'll save yourself a lot of frustration. This is your life now. The only person's sleep that's important wears diapers and sits in car seats.
:) Glad you're enjoying being a mom.
Hannah