At some point in 2009, Mike and I started to get the Itch. You know, the one where you look at each, look at your friends' babies, look back at each other, and then one of you says, "Wouldn't it be cool if we had a baby of our own?"
Once we had the Itch, we decided to wait to scratch it until after my sister's wedding in late October. She had a destination wedding so we knew we'd want to go and fully enjoy the benefits of an all-inclusive resort.
At the end of October, I had my yearly appointment with my OBGYN and I proudly announced that Mike and I were ready to "start trying" to have a baby! I sort of gushed when I said it. It felt like I was getting this really cool secret out and I asked if there was anything we needed to start doing. She gave me 2 great pieces of advice:
1. Have sex. (Yea!!)
2. Be patient. (Wait...what? I am sooooooo not good at that.)
So, on November 1, we officially started trying to create a Miniature Milligan. And, taking my doctors advice to heart, we successfully completed step 1. Again, carefully considering what she told me, nearly 28 days later, I ran to the nearest Walgreens and picked up a double pack of pregnancy tests. And I was crushed when the little window on the test informed me that I was NOT pregnant already. Needless to say, patience is not a virtue I possess. I found out about my empty womb on Thanksgiving day and spent Thanksgiving evening enjoying one of the benefits of NOT being pregnant--wine.
The next day, as I got up to go to my 5:45 a.m. spin class, Mike commented that he was surprised I was getting up to go to the gym so early on a holiday weekend. "Well, if I can't be pregnant, I might as well be thin," was my retort. And I stormed out the front door. Patience is highly over rated in my opinion.
About a week later, we were at a party to celebrate our friend Wendy's graduation from nursing school. She and her husband Brad were pregnant with their first child. Brad's brother, Ryan, and wife, Maria, were there and they also were expecting their first child. I was talking with Maria that night and asking her how she was feeling. She commented that she was feeling pretty good. She had only experienced a little nausea and she was very thirsty. I remember thinking, "Hmmm...I've been feeling that way a little lately." But, because I didn't want to be disappointed again with another "not pregnant" test, I pushed the thought from my mind.
On December 19, my BFF, Darci, was in town and we had dinner over here with our friends, Jenny, Chris, and Karen. We spent the night talking by the fire pit and drinking wine. A lot of wine. Okay, maybe I was the only one who drank a lot of wine. The point is, by the end of the night there were a few empty wine bottles in my recycling bin.
The next day, Darci and I were getting ready to take a trip to San Antonio for a few days. We had plans to drink margaritas on the Riverwalk (I promise I have other hobbies other than drinking!!) and I wanted to make sure I wasn't pregnant so I could thoroughly enjoy my trip.
About 11 that night, I was getting ready for bed and took out my little pregnancy test. I opened it, I peed, I waited for the screen to tell me my uterus was still empty.
But, then, I saw this:
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| Yep, I took a picture of my pregnancy test! I was so worried that I read it wrong that, after the second one, I decided to take a picture so I wouldn't take any more! |
I immediately stood up and ran to the bedroom, tripping over my pants that were still around my ankles. "MIKE, WAKE UP!!!" I yelled. He sat straight up and asked who needed to go to the hospital. I thrust the stick in his hands and said, "Look at THIS!" He looked, blinked, and tears came to both of our eyes. We sat there on the bed just staring at each other. I think I actually said something like "How did this happen?" I was so in awe that we had actually created another little person! And that little person was actually growing INSIDE OF MY BODY. And then I got a little weirded out because that's the kind of stuff that alien movies are about.
Of course, there was no way I was going to get any sleep that night. So, I headed to the computer to consult the foremost expert on all things medical available on the internet--Google. I Googled everything relating to pregnancy. I found out that the first few weeks of pregnancy, you aren't really pregnant at all. I found out that my Miniature Milligan would make his or her debut sometime around Labor Day (ha!). I found out that my sweet baby was the size of an apple seed.
And then I made the mistake that all expecting moms make. I Googled all of the bad stuff. And trust me, folks, the internet is full of it. By the end of my Googling I was convinced that my little Apple Seed was already in danger. That anything could happen at any moment. I read other womens' accounts of the loss of their babies and I sat at the computer with tears streaming down my face. Don't act like you didn't do it too!
Then I remembered the wine from the night before. What had I done to my poor baby!?!?! I found out the next day that the drinks I had would not affect my child but it didn't stop me from obsessing about it and also Googling "Fetal Alcohol Syndrome." Yes, I really did that.
When I went to bed that night, I tried to rid my mind of these thoughts by thinking about what it would be like when our baby arrived. I imagined the sleepless nights, the times when he or she would be screaming so loudly that Mike and I wouldn't be able to hear each other talk. I imagined how my body would be permanently destroyed, looking less like Barbie and more like Mrs. Potato Head. YEAH. RIGHT.
Since I was totally clueless, I imagined rocking a peaceful baby and gently putting him/her into the crib as Mike and I stared down at our peaceful, no-crying, happy-all-of-the-time creation. I imagined how our first Christmas would be and taking walks through the park together. I wondered who our Miniature Milligan would look like. I planned how we would tell family & friends and when we would make our big announcement.
As I drifted off to sleep, I prayed that God would protect my little Appleseed from harm and I thanked Him for such an amazing blessing. I rubbed my belly and talked to my baby and let him/her know that we were in this together and we were going to be just fine. And I knew that no Christmas could ever top this one.
Obviously, so much has changed in this past year and I no longer have to imagine what our angel baby is like. She's here and we are getting ready to celebrate our first Christmas with her. It probably won't be peaceful or serene but that's okay. The chaos this Christmas is better than I imagined this time last year.
I just have one little thing I'd like to tell the makers of those pregnancy tests. Instead of the words "Yes" or "Pregnant" on that little stick, I think the words that pop up in that screen should say,
"Get ready for the wildest, craziest, most incredible journey of your life."
I will never forget that night either as Kris was preg with twins and she as you didn't know that she was preg and we all drank and talked about having kids in the future etc...!!
ReplyDeleteWe are at the about to "start trying" stage!! Shh!!