Hail Mary, full of grace

I LOVE Christmas music. Yes, I am that person who turns on the 24 hour Christmas music station and blasts it until they go back to playing Lite Rock. I love every single rendition of Frosty the Snowman and every year I wonder about that song that talks about telling scary ghost stories and how that's even relevant to Christmas. But I sing along in my car every time I hear it. Loudly.

I love that for one solid month, every song is cheery and bright. Even rap artists take a break from slappin' them hoes to sing their version of Silent Night.

This year, one particular song has really stuck out to me. In it, the artists ask Mary a few questions about her son. They ask if she knew that he would someday walk on water. They ask if she knew that the son she delivered would one day deliver her.

I feel a special kinship with Mary right now. Although our stories are pretty different, I feel like I can relate to her a little, mom to mom. I wish I could sit down with her over a cup of coffee and ask her a few questions of my own.

Like the artists of the song, I also wonder how much she knew about the amazing little boy she was raising. I wonder if she knew just how special he truly was. I wonder if, like every mom, she looked at him when he was just out of the womb and just KNEW he was the most beautiful and amazing baby that had ever been born.

I wonder if she and Joseph watched him sleep and wondered what he would do when he grew up. Did they sit over dinner and talk about how they would fund carpentry school or what on earth they would do if he one day announced he didn't want to go to carpentry school at all?

I wonder if she had moments of doubt when he was screeching at her at 3 in the morning and she couldn't figure out what was wrong. I wonder if she and Joseph ever looked at each other and said "What in the world did we get ourselves into?"

I wonder if she took afternoon naps with Jesus, him sleeping on her chest. When she woke up, did she stare at his tiny face and want to stay in that moment forever? Did she marvel at every single thing he did? Rolling over, smiling, cooing, laughing at the silly faces she and Joseph made at him.

Did she ever want to tuck him back inside of her belly to protect him from all of the craziness of the world? Was she scared when she fully realized why he had been born?

Without a doubt, Mary is a much stronger, more holy, and more patient mother than I am or ever will be. I can't imagine loving a child the way she must have loved Jesus and the way I love Oli, then realizing that he had something to do here that she could not protect him from.

When I look at Oli, I feel such a sense of pride and one-ness with her. She belongs to Mike and me. We belong to each other. But, the truth is, The Boss Lady doesn't really belong to us at all. She was a gift to us, from God, and she belongs to Him. Like Mary and Joseph, Mike and I don't really have any claim over our child at all.

We hope and pray every day though that we will not be asked to do what Jesus' parents had to. I cannot imagine the strength and trust they had to have to let him go.

How did you do it, Mary? How did you watch your son perform miracles and be persecuted for them? How did you trust God so fully?

I like to think I trust God fully with my life, my family, my daughter. But, the kind of trust Mary had is overwhelming and hard to fathom for me. I know that I will never be the woman she was.

Each night, when we put Olivia to bed, we pray over her. I thank God for the miracle she is. I ask Him to help me to deal with her with patience and love the way He always deals with me. I ask Him to keep her healthy and to keep her safe as she sleeps. I pray that she gets a good night of rest for a great day tomorrow. I thank God for trusting me with her. I ask Him to make me worthy of that trust. To make me the mom that she deserves.

God trusted Mary. He trusted her with His ONLY son. Perhaps that's why she was able to trust Him so completely. He had given her an amazing gift in Jesus. He had chosen a woman so holy and so pure to carry the Savior of the world and He trusted her to let him do what he was put here for.

I can only strive to be the mom that Mary was. I strive to trust God the way she trusted Him. And I often close my prayers each night with a devotion to her, my model of motherhood.

Hail Mary, full of grace,

The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women,

and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,

pray for us sinners,

now and at the hour of our death. 

Amen.