A Night of R&R

Today, as I was leaving work, I told a coworker, “I’m so tired I don’t even want to drive home.” But drive home I did, counting down the minutes until I could get home, put my sweat pants and t-shirt on, kick up my feet, have a glass of wine, and do nothing for the rest of the night.

Psssssshhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Yeah. Right.

Sure, I’ll kick my feet up, relax a little. Right after putting away all of the lunch and school things. Oh, and right after checking and sorting the mail. Oh, but not until sorting through Olivia’s Valentine’s party stuff from yesterday that I didn’t get to last night.  And then of course, there’s those sheets that have been sitting in the dryer all week. Aaaaaaannnnnnndddd, I *guess* we have to eat dinner soooooo, I’ll kick my feet up right after that. Oh, well, you know, I mean after the dishes are done. And the counters wiped down. And—wait—should I sweep the floor tonight to get up all of the rice from dinner? Well, I definitely should pick up that crayon that's been hiding under the counter for the past 6 months. I'll just straighten up these coloring books and markers while I'm putting away the crayon. And since it’s Friday and I don't have to get up so early tomorrow, I can maybe spend some time checking and responding the 46 e-mails that have been sitting in my inbox for the past month. Yeah, and those Facebook messages. But then, really, right after that I’ll sit back and relax. As soon as I’ve helped Olivia brush her teeth. And get some water. And some strawberries. And put a movie on. While I’m sitting down for a second, I should probably get those birthday cards ready to be sent out next week. Whoa, did I just sit down in peanut butter??? I should clean that up. Ooh, and I’ll be super productive and take these clothes to the laundry basket on my way to get a towel to clean up the…what was it? Oh, yes, peanut butter. Wait…did I pay the water bill? Oh, yeah, I did that. Whew, there’s one thing already done. But then wasn’t I going to do some research on gymnastics classes for Olivia? Hang on, I need to open another bottle of wine….Okay, I’m back. Where was I? Oh, yes, my night of rest and relaxation…

Ah, what the hell. I’ll rest when I’m dead.