Today I got shit faced before work

I didn't have plans to post tonight but this blog is all about the realism that is Mommyhood and this morning, my day started off pretty freaking real...

My son is a morning pooper. You need to know this.

Nearly every morning, The Dude just blows it up, often destroying his pajamas or, if he’s already dressed for the day, his shirt and/or pants. This morning was no different. After I got out of the shower, Mike informed me that William had destroyed yet another onesie. No surprises there.

We said our morning prayer and Mike passed The Dude over to me and away he went to work. I carried my little guy around the kitchen putting some things away and getting a few other things ready for the day. Oli played outside on the patio since it was such a nice morning and I reveled in a nice morning with my babies.

Here’s something else you need to know: I kiss my babies constantly. CONSTANTLY. When Oli was a baby, my sister, Michelle, would say “You are going to kiss that baby’s cheeks off!” It’s true. I love all over them.

So there I was, drinking my coffee, enjoying the morning air, listening to Oli’s sweet voice as she played, and nuzzling my sweet boy all over his sweet head. I kissed his cheeks and ears and let my lips graze his little peach fuzz hair. I breathed in his sweet…wait…

No…

Not sweet…hmmmmm…his…strange…smell…

What was that smell…????

And then I looked at the spot I had been rubbing my lips and face all over just milliseconds before.

And I saw this:

See that orangey tint there??? Well, let me give you a hint--he's not a red head. Yes, ladies and gents, that’s poop. On my baby’s head. On his head that 

I WAS JUST RUBBING MY LIPS AND FACE ALL OVER.

And so ends the story of how I started out my day by getting literally shit faced.