My Mother's Day Gift

My sweet Oli,

Yesterday we celebrated my FIRST Mother's Day since you came into this world! Last year, I was still pregnant with you and imagining celebrating this year in person. I had no idea that I would feel so emotional about this day. I still maintain that it's mostly a Hallmark Holiday but I felt so happy going to bed Saturday night knowing that I would get to celebrate being your mom the next day. I woke up Sunday feeling overwhelmed with the blessings in our lives and I couldn't wait to see you.

When we first brought you home, I was so excited to start my journey into motherhood. But then it got HARD and after a few weeks of little sleep, I started to have my doubts about motherhood. I knew that I loved you more than I had ever loved anyone (besides your dad) and that I would stick it out no matter what. But I did have times where I just wasn't sure I was cut out for it. I wasn't sure that I would ever be able to meet your needs or survive the sleep deprivation. But in the past 8 & 1/2 months, we've gotten to know each other pretty well and I'd venture to say we are pretty much rocking at this whole mother/daughter thing! We have really grown so much. As I put you to bed Saturday night, I was amazed at just how many memories we already have together.

Our time together has changed me in awesome ways and I absolutely cannot imagine life without you. The strange thing to me is that you won't remember any of these past few months. You won't remember these past months that have changed and shaped me like no other event in my life has.

You won't remember all of the nights we rocked in the glider in your room or how you sometimes throw you arms around my neck and bury your face there. You won't remember the awe I felt the first time you rolled over, crawled, stood up or smiled. You won't remember how the first time you laughed, I cried. You won't remember all of the nights I stood over your crib, praying for you and that God would make me deserving of you as my daughter. You won't remember our first Mother's Day together, sitting at brunch, making faces at each other, throwing your peas on the ground, and making your dad and me laugh. You won't remember that we spent the day playing together and going to church together. And you won't remember that at the end of the day, we fell asleep together on the floor, you curled against my body, asleep in the exact same position.

But I will. I will remember all of these moments. I will remember these moments as if they happened just moments before. I will remember them for the rest of my life.

This is the gift of motherhood, these moments that belong only to me. This is the awesomeness of being a mom. I have these moments for myself. I have these moments to take out, one by one, experiencing them all over again whenever I need. They are mine. And each of these moments is a gift. These moments are my gifts and will continue to be each Mother's Day. Our memories together will grow and each year, I'll have more and more of these gifts to reflect on.

There will be a day when you will likely make or buy me a gift and I will cherish those gifts too. But these moments will always be my favorite gift. I cannot thank you enough for them. I cannot thank you enough for being such an incredible little girl and for the gift of such an incredible kind of love. I feel so honored and blessed to celebrate Mother's Day as YOUR mother.