Resolution Update: Week 7

Weight: 161!!! It's official: THERE'S 10 POUNDS LESS OF ME!

Diet: No big issues/surprises here this week. There was one thing that I had a little epiphany about this week: alcohol. I don't drink very much during the week but I do occasionally have a beer or glass of wine and I realized that there are so many empty calories in alcohol. Ouch. For me, there is just nothing better than a glass of wine at the end of a very long day. But, I realize that I need to pay a little closer attention to that during the week. I did make up for it this weekend with a few margaritas on Saturday for my cheat day!

Exercise: I feel like I am really rocking this right now! I started Level 2 of the 30 Day Shred and it's tough but I am totally kicking butt!

Thoughts/Reflections for the week: Not only am I out of maternity clothes, I am officially out of my "transition" jeans!!! I am currently wearing a pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans and feeling great! They are very "fitted" at this point but they do fit!

For the first time, this week, I looked in the mirror and actually saw some of the changes in my body! It was so exciting to actually see for myself that my shape is changing. I have been feeling so great and everytime I feel like I want to skip a workout or eat something unhealthy I just remind myself how great I feel!

Also, as you know, this week we had a very eventful start to the week with the ER visit. When we got there at 7, I realized I had not eaten since 1 that afternoon. And I didn't eat again until 1:30 a.m.! I had to fight every urge in me not to raid the vending machines in the waiting room and I did cave on our drive home and we stopped at Whataburger. I only had the burger though! No cheese and no fries and no soda! The point is though that sometimes life throws us a curveball and we just have to roll with it the best we can. I couldn't control the events of that evening and I needed to eat. I just had to make the best decision possible at 1 in the morning and that's okay.

And now for the pic as promised!!

I'm bringing sexy back!

Anybody need tickets to the gun show?

Humpty Dumpty's Valentine's Day Adventure

Ah, the "Firsts..." We've enjoyed and reveled in so many during this incredible journey so far but there are some "Firsts" you hope to never experience as a parent. Monday was one of those for us. Unfortunately, Olivia's First Valentine's Day also became her First Visit To The ER.

Before I get into the reason we spent the night in a hospital triage room instead of at home, celebrating all of the love in our family this year, I'll let you know that The Boss Lady is okay. Just didn't want you to be freaking out until the end of this one!

Our story starts several months back, before Olivia made her big debut into this world.

Like many expectant moms, I kept an eye on what my mom-friends were buying and using for their little ones in order to complete my own baby registry. One of the products I saw time and time again and had heard great reviews on is something called a Bumbo Chair (picture below just in case you aren't clear on what it is). The Bumbo Chair is this genius contraption that allows your sweet angel baby to sit up before they can actually sit up unassisted. It's great for that stage when they want to be up and looking around but they just can't support themselves yet.

I was thrilled 3 months ago when Olivia was finally ready to start using hers. She had reached the stage where she was very curious about everything going on around her and no longer wanted to lay on her back or belly. I excitedly got the Bumbo Chair out of its box and we used it non-stop. Whenever we were cooking dinner or breakfast, the Bumbo would go on the kitchen island, Olivia snuggly nestled in the seat, and we would go about our business. When we ate dinner, we would put the Bumbo on the table, put our Sweet Pea in the chair and eat dinner while we made faces at her. When she played on the floor, we would sit her in the genius chair and hand her toys to play with. Suffice it to say, the Bumbo was the greatest contraption we owned!

Last Thursday, my sweet girl surprised me by sitting up--without the Bumbo!! I knew she had been working on sitting up and I was so excited to find that she finally could! She can't actually sit herself up if she is laying down. But if you put her on the floor, sitting up, she'll sit like that for a while and play with the toys around her. I was thrilled when we reached this milestone!

She's also gotten to the stage where she wants to reach for EVERYTHING around her. It doesn't matter if she has 100 toys sitting right in front of her, if there is just 1 toy to be reached for, she will get her Go-Go-Gadget Arms going in order to reach the one toy.

On Monday morning, as I was getting packed up to go to work, I put Oli in her Bumbo on the kitchen island as usual. I watched as she reached for every single thing on the counter. She was getting good at getting to things that I thought I had placed well out of her reach. She would stretch her little arms and body as much as she could to grab the nearest object. "Wow, she's going to be able to jump right out of that Bumbo really soon," I thought. For you film and literature buffs, you'll recognize that as FORESHADOWING.

That afternoon, we got home at our usual time and I started on our usual routine. Bumbo Chair on the island, Olivia in the chair, me unpacking all of our bags, washing bottles, getting dinner prepped, oh, and since it was Valentine's Day, filling out Mike's Valentine's card.

I sat down at our bar, facing Olivia in her Bumbo, about 5 feet away. I was watching her reach around trying to get her little hands on anything on the countertop as I thought about how much love was in our home. I started to write a note in Mike's card, telling him how perfect our life was.

In less than a second, I saw a flash, looked up, saw the empty Bumbo Chair on the island, and heard my baby screaming. I leapt out of my chair and ran around the counter to find Olivia on her back, on the tile floor, screaming her head off. I immediately picked her up and began walking circles around the living room trying to soothe her and make my brain work. It felt like there was a freight train in my head, making too much noise for me to think straight. And Olivia was crying so loud and I was saying things like "Oh God, oh no, it's okay," over and over again.

I called our pediatrician's office to see if there was an emergency number but I couldn't hear the after hours message over Olivia's cries. I hung up, and called 911. All I remember telling the operator is "My baby fell." I felt like I was trapped in some horror movie. I couldn't breathe or talk and I had to sit down because my knees were shaking so bad.

Olivia started to calm down at that point and I nursed her as I was on the phone with the 911 operator. They were sending paramedics. Looking back, I think it's a little funny that I immediately felt the urge to nurse her. I'm not sure if I thought that breastmilk really can cure anything or if I was just trying to do the only thing I knew to soothe her. I do remember thinking that if she was able to nurse then she was going to be okay. Werid, I know. I then called a friend who had been through a similar situation once. She was able to stay calm and help me start thinking straight and she advised that I take Oli to a local childrens' hospital to get checked out.

After I hung up with her, I started to dial Mike to tell him what was going on. It was at that time, that I heard the garage door opening and the sirens. I ran out into the garage as Mike was pulling in. He got out of his car, looking behind him at the ambulance and firetruck that had just pulled in front of our home. I cannot imagine the fear he must have felt when he saw me running, Oli in my arms, tears streaming down my face, and yelling "Olivia fell!"

The craziest thing about this scene is the way Olivia was acting. At the time the paramedics and Mike arrived, only about 15 minutes had passed, but in that short time, my sweet girl had already forgotten her accident. As I was running outside, in total hysterics, she was in my arms looking at me with a puzzled expression. When she saw Mike, she broke out into her normal grin. She gave the paramedics her cute smile as well and everyone stopped and looked at me. "What happened?" they asked. "She fell!" I shouted. "When?" they asked. And that's when I looked at Olivia to see that she was acting just fine. It seemed strange to them, I'm sure, to see a woman completely freaking out about her child who seemed completely okay. They did do a quick exam on her though and assured me that the fact that she was conscious and acting like her normal self was a good sign but that we should take her in for a CT scan to rule out head injury.

After they left, Mike and I headed back into the house to get ready to go to the ER. We ran out of the house so quickly that we forgot her diaper bag. My sister and bro-in-law were staying the night with us because of burst pipe in their home and we even forgot to tell them that we were not going to be there when they arrived. We left most of the lights on and the front door unlocked as we sped out of our driveway. My sister called en route and we filled her in and told her we would call with updates.

During our 30 minute car ride, Mike rode in the back with Olivia and I insisted that he try to keep her awake. I was so scared that she would go to sleep and never wake up again. Who would have thought we'd ever be trying to keep our daughter AWAKE?!?!?

When we arrived at the ER, we were immediately put in a room and I told the story of Olivia's fall about a million times. Then, the person asking would look puzzled as they were smiled and squawked at by our sweet girl. Was this the baby that had fallen 3 feet onto a tile floor? Surely this child who seemed perfectly okay couldn't be the cause of this woman's hysterics?

As we sat in our room, waiting to see the doctor, I sobbed on and off, "I'm a horrible mother! How could this have happened?" Meanwhile, Olivia played as if she thought we were taking a really exciting family field trip. "What if she has brain damage!!!???" I cried to Mike. He spent most of the time, soothing me and pointing out that Olivia didn't seem to have a thing wrong with her. She was going to be fine, he assured me.

When the doc finally came in, he examined the goose egg that had developed on the right side of Oli's head and ordered a CT scan to rule out any bleeding or swelling of her brain. About 30 minutes later, he walked in, told us she had a hair line fracture in her skull, to be really careful with her head for the next month, and that we were free to go. WHAT?!?!?

I was in complete shock that we were being sent home with a child with a broken head and that it wasn't going to be a big deal at all!! Could they at least prescribe something for MY nerves??? The docs and nurses were so calm about this and acted like it wasn't that big of a deal. They were very nice but just so calm about something that had my nerves permanently frayed.

As it turns out, I'm not the only idiot parent out there who has dropped their child or done something goofy like sitting their child on the kitchen island where she could fall off and crack her head on the tile floor. The folks at the hospital didn't tell me that, but, the next day when I posted this event on Facebook and as we called family to tell them what happened, many shared with us their stories of very similar incidences. And I hate that others had to go through that, but hearing that I wasn't the only one did make me feel better. Yep, misery loves company.

I am still reeling from the events of Monday evening but my kiddo seems to have no memory that anything ever happened. The next day, we stayed home so I could rest and make sure she was really okay but she didn't seem to have a thing wrong with her. Even her bump disappeared within 24 hours. I still have flashbacks whenever I look at the Bumbo but she isn't phased by anything. She doesn't even favor the right side of her head when she sleeps or nurses.

Whenever something like this happens to me, I always try to see the lessons or morals of the event. I guess I just need to grasp the "why" of something in order to be at peace with it.

Here's what I've come up with for this circus act so far:

If it has a warning label on it, take heed. Because that means that some idiot before you did something to warrant that label. Don't try to learn the hard way. From here on, if one of these baby contraptions has a strap or a buckle, The Boss Lady is getting strapped in. If it has a warning label, we are going to follow it to a T.

Babies are so durable and resilient that it's easy to forget that they are still so fragile. I've gotten so used to having Oli in my life and she doesn't seem like a tiny, fragile baby to me. This event reminded me just how precious she is and how I cannot live in this world if she is not in it. I have never in my life been so scared as I was when this happened. I had to face the idea that something horrible might have happened to her and that she would not be here. I am feeling sick to my stomach just writing that. I am so thankful to God that I did not have to face the reality of that.

People said to us "Just wait until they get mobile. It's so much harder then." And I thought "Yeah right. Like this could get any harder." Wait, let me go get some ketchup for my crow. Gone are the days of just laying her down and finding her right where we left her. Olivia Anne is tough and determined and she wants to move. Soon, I'm afraid she'll be scaling furniture and I'll be having her fitted for a custom-made bubble wrap suit.

There is so much truth in that quote "Having a child is like having your heart go walking around outside your body forever." I cannot protect Olivia from everything and I cannot control everything that she is going to come into contact with. I am going to do everything I can to keep her safe but there are going to be times that something scary happens. It is terrifying to think that Monday might not be our last trip to the ER. But that's what happens when you have kids. You just do the very best you can to protect them and sometimes they still get hurt.

I am the luckiest woman on this planet to have a husband who is able to keep himself together so that I can fall apart. I'm sure this incident was scary for him too but he let me be the one to break down multiple times that night. He was strong and level headed and I have no idea how I would have made it through without him. I am also extremely lucky to have friends and family who will pray for me in my time of need and after. Friends and family who will share their own traumatic stories to help me feel more at ease. Friends and family who don't judge or say "What in the hell were you thinking putting that chair up on the kitchen island? Didn't you see the big RED WARNING LABEL?!?!?"

Yes, Olivia's First Valentine's Day was defnitely memorable for us and, as Mike says, "Oli, it probably won't be your last disappointing Valentine's Day." He's probably right. I just hope future disappointments are because her school crush didn't ask her to the dance and not because she cracked her skull.

I'm sure she'll call me someday with her own trauma with her own daugther and I'll tell her about this day and how the worry never stops when you are a mom. Right now, I'm watching her play in her Bumbo Chair (on the carpet!) and she's smiling and happy like nothing ever happened. Every morning this week, during our morning prayer, we've thanked God that Oli is okay and when I see her sweet smile when she wakes up, I know that I'll eventually get over the shock of this too.

Olivia in her Bumbo this morning

Yep, it has a warning lable that says "Prevent Falls: Never use on any elevated surface."

 

Resolution Update: Week 6

***Length Warning!!! About a week ago, a friend asked me what I was doing to have this success with weight loss and being healthier. I wrote her this response and wanted to share with all of you so you could see what I'm up to. I wanted to make sure I covered everything so that you could see that I'm not doing anything expensive/crazy/extreme. There's no magic here! It's just a little bit of determination, support from my husband, family & friends, and a lot of prayer!***


Weight: 162.5! I was really hoping for an "official" 10 pound weight loss but I am SO CLOSE so I feel confident that next week I'll be celebrating that milestone! And I promised my MIL a new pic when I do finally reach it so stay tuned!


Now for the long part:


I feel like there are 2 parts to weight loss and they are both super important. There's the logistics side which is pretty easy and then there's the "heart" side of it which isn't always so easy.

Logistics first:

Excercise: I used to be one of those people who felt that if I didn't get in 60 solid minutes of excercise every day then it just didn't matter. Well, that's completely FALSE. Anything is better than nothing at all. Right now, with a young baby, I don't have time for a very long workout and our gym doesn't take children as young as Oli. At another friend's suggestion, I purchased the Jillian Michaels' 30-Day Shred DVD. It's $8 at Costco or on amazon.com and it is worth every penny. The workout is 18 minutes long with about 5 minutes of warm ups and cool downs. I can work out in 25 minutes and that 25 minutes has done more for me than hours at the gym. Seriously. That's all it takes to start seeing results and start making some changes. The moral here is to not be so hard on yourself if you don't have a ton of time. Just try to workout most days of the week. I work out no fewer than 5 days a week. That seems daunting at first but it's ONLY 25 MINUTES. I think the reason that the DVD is working is because it combines strength, cardio, and abs and it's non-stop for the full 25 minutes.  If you are working out at a gym, make sure you are doing strength and cardio. As you build lean muscle, that's what will help with better calorie burn over all during the day.

Diet: I first started by figuring out what I was already eating and I was shocked. It's a pain in the butt, but keep a food journal for a solid week and count every calorie and fat gram that goes into your body. I think most people will be surprised to find that they are eating a lot more than they think. After I did that, I had to cut quite a bit of my food and re-assess what I was eating.

The best thing I learned from having gestational diabetes was balance. Remember, the food pyramid exists for a reason so cutting out any food groups isn't healthy. Your body needs a balance of things to perform. So, it's okay to eat carbs, it's just not okay to eat a ton of them. The best thing to do is to balance your carbs & protein. So, if you eat a serving or 2 of carbs (15-30 grams), make sure you are eating about 7 grams of protein to go with it. I'm not sure about the science of it, but they balance each other.

Also, try to eat more often throughout the day but make your meals smaller. So, I eat snack (because I work out in the morning), breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner.

My daily menu looks about like this:

Snack: banana, then my workout

Breakfast (about 30-45 grams of carbs): 2 scrambled eggs, 2 tablespoons of salsa, 3 turkey sausages (I get the Jimmy Dean brand and they are yummy! You just microwave them for 40 seconds!), 1 small/medium apple, 1 fruit Chobani yogurt (this is Greek yogurt, has about double the protein of normal yogurt and is delish!).

Snack (15-30 grams of carbs): low sugar oatmeal packet (I get the spice variety pack and make it with water), and I mix in a serving of raw almonds (1/4 cup).

Lunch (45-60 grams of carbs): tuna sandwich (I make my tuna with 1 tablespoon of mayo, a little bit of relish, and an egg. I use half of the mixture per sandwich.) on whole wheat bread, yogurt (usually Yoplait or Target brand flavored yogurt), and 1 cup of tomato or roasted red pepper/tomato soup.

Snack (15-30 grams of carbs): 1 stalk of celery with 1 wedge Laughing Cow lite cheese

Dinner (45-75 grams of carbs): Grilled chicken breast. Mike has grilling down to a science. It takes him 15 minutes start to finish. We just use a little seasoning salt and a little bar-b-que sauce or marinade. Be careful with the sauces since they are usually high in sugar and calories. Just make sure you watch your serving size. You can also do the chicken breast on a George Foreman grill and it would be good that way too.

Some kind of little pasta packet. We usually get those Pasta Roni things or something like that and split it between the 2 of us. I love this because it feels so indulgent but it's only about 45 grams of carbs per serving and there are 2 servings in each packet and 45 grams for dinner is a good amount of carbs. Also, I use soy milk usually for this instead of regular milk so I save on some of the carbs. You can skip the butter if you want, just watch it so it doesn't stick to the bottom of the pan.

And we have some kind of vegetable. I'm loving the Green Giant steam-in-the-bag veggies right now because there's enough for 2 people and they are yummy and super easy. But, you could also just do your own. For instance, sometimes, I'll buy broccoli and cut it up and steam it for like 5 minutes. Then, I use about a tablespoon of olive oil and sauté the broccoli with sliced garlic, red pepper flakes, and I squeeze the juice of one lemon on at the end. It's a nice spin on broccoli. You can also sauté the broccoli in chicken broth to save on more fat & calories. You can do this same trick for fresh green beans or asparagus. I just wouldn't use the lemon or red pepper flakes on those. For squash, I just slice it and sauté it with an onion.

I eat the same thing almost every single day. BUT, you can spice it up a little by doing grilled pork chops sometimes or throw in a spaghetti dinner once a week. Eating spaghetti once a week isn’t going to make you fat! Just use really lean ground beef or ground turkey breast.

And if tuna sandwiches don’t do it for you, then find something that does. If you like turkey sandwiches, get lean turkey breast. If you like chicken noodle soup, find a brand you like and eat that. It is surprisingly low in carbs. I personally would advise staying FAR AWAY from those frozen low-calorie meals. They aren’t very filling and they are full of all kinds of preservatives and sodium. And I think they taste awful!

CHEAT DAY: Personally, I think this is the most important day of the week!! Nobody can eat 100% healthy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Give yourself a day to indulge. The trick is to not indulge the entire day. Pick a meal on a Saturday, for instance, and eat whatever you want. Like last Saturday, I ate my normal breakfast and my normal dinner. But for lunch, I ate a big greasy burger, fried okra, and ice cream. And I just enjoyed it and let it go!

Tips & Tricks:


1. Watch your serving size. Just because something is only 100 calories doesn’t mean it’s 100 calories for the entire box/can/whatever.


2. Watch the pre-packaged food. I don’t eat any of those 100 calorie packs because I can get a lot more food if I just make something myself. For instance, I can have a whole bowl of soup for the same fat & calories as 3 microscopic cupcakes in a 100 calorie pack. Or I can have a cup of broccoli with a serving of melted cheese for just a few more calories. That’s a lot more food and it’s a lot less processed.


3. Plan for success: I make a menu each Saturday then go to the grocery store and get all of my groceries for the week. That way, I’m not tempted to swing into a drive-through. Planning my meals has been a huge part of my lifestyle lately and it’s working.


4. Try to think of food as fuel for your body. Sure, those 100 calorie packs may only have 100 calories but that doesn’t mean they are GOOD for you. I always try to think “What’s going to make me feel full? What’s going to make me more efficient and feel good?”


5. Check the nutrition panel on the food you are buying. It’ll surprise you! Just because it’s “whole grain” or “organic” doesn’t necesarily make it any healthier. Check the calories, fat, and carb content.


6. If you are eating out, check out the menu online ahead of time so that you can plan what you are going to order. If you go in blind, chances are you’ll get frustrated and order the first thing that looks good. If you already have a plan, it’s much easier. Most restaurants publish their nutrition info online. Another great source if you aren’t sure how many calories/fat/carbs are in a  food is www.calorieking.com. You can find a ton of info on this site! As a last resort just Google whatever you want to know. Like “nutrition info for Chili’s.” You are very likely to find it.

Okay, so here’s the more emotional side of eating healthy:

I had to start thinking about WHY I eat. I’m a social eater and a stress eater. I had to come to terms with the fact that I can go to dinner with friends but not eat my way through the entire menu. It’s okay to order the grilled chicken breast or just ask them to hold the cheese/sour cream/dressing/whatever. If I’m eating Italian, I just tell them to not bring out the bread. If I’m eating Mexican, I just don’t have them put the chips & salsa on the table. When I’m stressed, I have to find something else to do. Like clean out my junk drawer or go work out or whatever it takes to keep me out of the pantry.

I had to have Mike’s support. My husband is 6’5” and is built like a bean pole. He’s tall and lean and competes in triathlons. Staying in shape and slim is easy for him and he eats like crap on a regular basis. So, we had to have a talk about keeping only healthy snacks in the house and compromising on things like our former weekly pizza night. And I asked him to help me with Oli so that I could work out and not feel guilty. And I asked him to encourage me to work out when I didn’t feel like it. If he wasn’t on board, I don’t know that I could keep doing this. It would be hard to stay focused if he was constantly eating chocolate cake in front of me.

I had to start being realistic with myself. I am not ever going to look like a super model or even my 18 year old self. My body has changed drastically and that’s okay. The point is to be healthy and in shape. I have to also be patient with myself. Losing 10 pounds in 1 week is not realistic at all. A few pounds a week is okay and it’s going to take TIME to get to where I want to be.  This is not a sprint, this is a marathon.

I had to change the way I think about “dieting” in general. When I call this a “diet” it seems so temporary. Like when I get to my ideal weight, I’ll just go back to eating pizza and ice cream whenever I want. That can’t happen if I want to stay healthy. So, I look at this as a lifestyle. It’s something I’ll do for the rest of my life AND it’s something we’ll teach Olivia.

My apologies again on the length of this!! I just wanted to make sure I covered everything. This new lifestyle isn’t always easy but I seriously feel GREAT lately!!! And there is no magic trick to it. You can see that I’m not on any special diet and I’m not paying for some weight loss club. I’m just trying to take an overall, healthy approach to living and taking care of myself. There is no magic pill and no way to fast forward through the process. It takes discipline and planning but it is so worth it to feel great!!!! I promise!!! Before I started doing this, I NEVER thought I’d be able to make real changes. But, here I am, putting my weight on the internet and telling the world about my new approach! Who knew!?!?

And if you aren't burned out on this post, stay tuned next week for a new, 10-pound less, pic of me!

Sick Baby

When The Boss Lady started daycare just a little over a month ago, at the height of cold & flu season, I remember telling my friend Christina that I was very nervous about her getting her first sickness. I had heard the horror stories from other moms when they were dealing with their own Sick Baby and I knew enough to be afraid. “I’m afraid it’ll put me right back into that Newborn Phase,” I told Christina. “Yeah, it probably will,” was her response. Well, at least she was honest.

And that’s what has happened this past week. Mike and I have spent all week battling Sick Baby and I use the term “battling” purposefully. Not to make light of what our men & women in the armed forces do, but we are starting to feel like we live in a war zone where every night you just sit and wait to be hit with some torpedo. Or where you creep around your house after Sick Baby has gone to bed, not making a sound, just waiting to step on a land mine.

In fact, one night early this week, just after we had gotten her settled and asleep, Mike coughed. Loudly. Now, I know that sometimes coughing is involuntary, but, as any war veteran will tell you, when you are in enemy territory, you just hold it in. Even if it means your lungs will explode. Sure enough, Sick Baby popped her little eyes open and started the pre-crying squirm. Mike hadn’t even realized what he had done and was already in the kitchen getting ready to kick back for the night. I stuck my head out of her door and whisper-yelled down the hall “You just woke her up! If you aren’t dead by the time I get out of this room, I. WILL. KILL. YOU.” I know that sounds harsh but we are at war here people! The normal rules of engagement just do not apply during times of battle.

Of course, like most things, Sick Baby seems about a million times worse at night. During the day she is happy and smiling and those little reports from her daycare that say what a great day she had make my head spin as I think about the insane night I have waiting for me after we get home.

Our friend, Steve, once compared having a baby to one of those zombie movies. In those movies, the zombies are usually oddly allergic to the daytime. During the day, things are quiet, calm, peaceful even. We see the protagonist of the movie enjoying being one of the last people left on the planet. It seems like it could almost be fun in Zombie Land. But, as evening looms nearer, we see him/her getting ready for the battle that lies ahead. Because, when it gets dark outside, all hell breaks loose. The zombies come to life and they are out for blood.

Our house is officially Zombie Land. Yesterday after work, for instance, we were sitting on the couch together, one big happy family. We were playing with Oli, making her giggle, and all was well. As it got closer to bedtime, we started getting ready for Sick Baby to rear her ugly head. On the dresser in her room, we had our battle supplies ready. That day, I had hit up the pharmacy for the supplies I thought we needed. We were stocked up with vapor rub, vapor plug-ins, baby Tylenol, a humidifier, saline spray, and we had inclined her mattress. We had even created this great shift schedule so that we can take turns tagging each other in so that we could get at least a little sleep. Team Milligan was ready for battle.

Like a practiced Nascar pit crew we got our Sweet-Angel-Soon-To-Be-Zombie ready for bed. Saline—check. Booger sucker—check. Vapor rub—check.

I nursed her, we put her down, sound asleep and peaceful and then we hunkered down and waited for the zombie to wake up and attack. And attack she did. Hour after hour after hour.

And, as usually happens in the zombies movies, we eventually started to wear down and turn on each other. I mean, we have been battling for a solid week here! Our psyches are weak and vulnerable. Sleep deprivation has started making us forget what day it is or where we are when we wake up to those little zombie grunts on the baby monitor. We laid there at around 4 o’clock this morning whisper-yelling at each other about who had to get up the earliest or whose day was going to be the worst without any sleep. We couldn’t remember who had gone in last so we just kept saying “I did it last.” “No, I did.” The only thing we could agree on is that we felt like big balls of crap.

At one point, I was so rattled that I sobbed, “I JUST CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!” Well, I tried to sob anyway. I was so tired, my tears wouldn’t even come out. It was more like a wail.

Here’s a little silver lining…well, not really silver because it only lasted for a few minutes…so maybe a little gray lining: One of the times Olivia woke up, I could hear Mike in there trying to console her. And I could hear that it was not working and she was quickly reaching Nuclear Melt Down Mode. I went in to see if I could help. The second my sweet girl was in my arms, she stopped crying. She put her arms around my neck and shoulder and nestled her head into my neck. She pulled her legs up, froggy style and went back to sleep. I sat rocking her in her chair completely in awe of what had just happened. I can’t explain this, but that was the first time I really felt like her Mommy. I have felt like a mom since the day she was born, of course. But, something about the way she was immediately soothed by my holding her made me feel, not just like a mom, but like her Mommy. I knew in that instant that my sweet, sick baby needed me. Not to fix it necessarily, but just to be there to soothe her. She needed Mommy. I rocked her longer than I needed to that time. I savored that moment with her. I let myself relax and feel her soft breath on my neck, her little fingers clutching my t-shirt, the feel of her soft baby hair on my cheek. So this is what it feels like to be a Mommy. Wow.

Like I said though, that moment was short lived and the battle wore on until 5 this morning when we both finally had to get going for the day. The only problem was, the little zombie had made her way into our bed sometime around 4. I vaguely remember Mike saying he was either going to sleep in her room or she was coming to bed with us. We were both tired of getting up and down all night. When the alarm went off, I looked at her sweet little face, eyes closed, totally relaxed and I knew I would not move. No way was I going to wake up Sick Baby again. She was finally sleeping! I slept there with her for a couple of more hours until we absolutely had to get up to get going for the day. Poor Mike had to get up at 5 and carry on as usual. He is a brave, hard working soldier. I am blessed to have him on my team in this battle in Zombie Land. I do not know how I would survive without him.

And we know that, like everything else in the Land of Parenthood, this too shall pass. Like the protagonists in the zombie movies we know that one of two outcomes is possible: 1. The zombies will eventually overtake us and we’ll become one of them, or 2. We’ll find other survivors and we’ll all unite, supporting each other, knowing we are not alone in the Battle of the Sick Baby.

Consider this our broadcast to other survivors out there. We are here too. Fighting the good fight. Tonight, as we get ready to go into battle once again, we know that we are all in this together and the sun will come out tomorrow and the zombies will go back into hiding. Battle of the Sick Baby, Night 8, here we go!

I don't think we're in Texas anymore...

Just in case you live under a rock and haven't seen the millions of newscasts or Facebook updates, our part of Texas got hit with a pretty major snow & ice storm last week. For three days we were iced in and on the fourth, we awoke to six inches of snow in our backyard! For those four days, Olivia and I camped out at Casa Milligan and did not even attempt any outdoor excursions. Schools and businesses were closed and the people in this area had a Wizard of Oz moment as we all thought, "I don't think we're in Texas anymore..."

I have lived in this area most of my life and NEVER have Texas schools and businesses closed their doors for four days straight! I can only remember three times in my entire school life that school was cancelled because of the weather.

As a kid, I used to pray for a winter storm. I remember hearing the newscast in the evening and if there was so much as a mention of snow or ice, my sisters and I would be jittery with excitement as we went to bed, wondering if we would wake to find that school had been cancelled. I loved school when I was younger but there was something about having a little bonus day off that seemed so magical.

The three times I remember it happening, we woke to find Texas snow on the ground. For those of you not from these parts, Texas snow is just slushy mess. Basically, school had been cancelled because the streets were covered in ice that morning. We would jump up and down and squeal with excitement--a SNOW DAY!!! We would dress ourselves like Eskimos, even though by that time the temperature was probably already above freezing, and we'd head out into the icy sludge armed with an empty laundry basket. Then, we'd take turns sitting in the basket while pushing each other around our icy driveway. By noon, our Texas snow would be melted and we would know that the next day we would be back to the bus stop and back to school. It didn't matter though. We had just had a glorious SNOW DAY!!!

As an adult, snow days around here are more irksome than they are exciting. If I'm going to get a bonus day off of work, I want to be out shopping or lunching with friends--not cooped up inside the house with nothing but a pantry full of healthy snacks!

On Monday evening, as the weather men and women began their prediction of sleet and snow the next day, I was skeptical. Schools started announcing they were closing on Tuesday in anticipation of our winter storm. When I woke early Tuesday morning, I could hear the sleet hitting our windows and I got out of bed to take a peek outside. I could feel that small tingle of excitement from my childhood days. Would we actually have a snow day? I opened the door and could see the ice accumulated on the back porch and I knew before I checked the school closings that we would not be going anywhere that day.

As it turns out, we wouldn't be going anywhere for the next four days! I was a little nervous when I realized that I would be at home all week. With a baby. By myself. Yikes. What were we going to do all day if we weren't able to go out on playdates? What would we do without our routine? It had been a while since Oli and I had spent days together at home alone.

I can't really explain why I was so nervous about it. I guess I had just gotten used to the great routine we have had since I've been back at work. When I was at home with her, things were definitely not routine and it's been obvious over the past month that we've both been doing great with a more consistent routine.

But, it turns out, I didn't have to be nervous at all! We had a GREAT time together! Sure, I got a little stir crazy towards the end of the week, but I really enjoyed the extra time I got to spend with my sweet girl.

For four days, we slept in, once together in our bed until 10:30! We caught up on our tv shows, we played on the floor with toys, played in the bouncy chair, didn't get out of our pj's, and just enjoyed spending time together. I loved getting that extra time with The Boss Lady. I loved getting to really spend time with her and seeing how much she has changed in the past few months. Sometimes in the day-to-day hustle & bustle that is our life, I feel like I miss some of the things that are so quickly changing about her.

Do you ever feel like God sort of put you in a situation to force you to slow down and enjoy the small things about life that make it so wonderful? That's how I feel about those snow days. I know that God didn't plan them just for me and Olivia but I am so thankful that He gave me the wisdom to know when to take advantage of a great opportunity. And I did. I didn't worry about jumping up every day and running around being busy. I took my time each day and we did whatever we felt like doing. There were multiple times that Oli and I just sat and giggled at each other. All of the shopping and lunch dates in the world don't have anything on the joy I got from spending a little extra time with Olivia Anne.

My only regret was that Mike wasn't able to be there to share all of that wonderful time with us. Mike's office was surprisingly still open so he wasn't able to be here with us during the day. On Friday, he did get to come home early and we took Sweet Pea out to play in her very first snow. We even built her a little baby snowman!

I'm happy I had this time, snowed in, not able to go anywhere. I'm happy I had this time when I had no other choice than to slow down for a few days. I got to be reminded that it's the little things in this life that mean so very much. We didn't have four days on a tropical island or some luxurious destination. We just had four days here, together, spending time with each other and it was one of the best times of my life. I got to be reminded of that childhood excitement that snow days used to bring. I can just imagine Olivia in the future, jumping up one school day and rushing to the back door to see if she is going to get an actual snow day.

I think I might be a little snowed out this winter and I'm already looking forward to the spring, but, I'll spend each winter from here on with that old childhood hope that I'll get a snow day too. And not just to have an extra day off work but because it will be one more day I get to slow down and spend a little extra time with my daughter. I'll go to bed the night before with a tingle of excitement and I'll jump up with Oli to see if we get to spend the day at home in our pj's, giggling, and playing together. Snow days just might become my most favorite days of all.

Yea, snow days!

Helping mommy cook

Real snow!

Playing with my toys is great on a snow day!

Olivia's first snowman



Resolution Update: Week 5

Weight: 163.5. I have to admit that I was a little disappointed to not see more loss this week but I had such a GREAT week last week that it's probably okay to see a little plateau this week. At any rate, still losing!

Exercise: Despite being stuck in the house all week because of the snow & ice, I did not give in to my Inner Slug and I continued working out!!! Olivia bounced in her bouncy seat while I jumped around the living room to Jillian Michaels! I have to give a major thanks to my sweet and supportive hubby. I was just not feeling it on Friday but he encouraged me to just knock it out. And he reminded me that my workout is only 20 minutes so there really wasn't any reason to NOT do it. So, I snapped out of it and showed my fat cells who's the boss!

Diet: Again, being stuck indoors all week was a little challenging since all I wanted to do was bake things but I didn't! Or I couldn't. I mean, we don't even keep all of the "bad" stuff in the house anymore. My snack options were almonds, carrots, or Kix cereal. Hard to go crazy on that stuff. My cheat day this week was a nice greasy burger and an ice cream cone the size of my head. And I didn't feel one bit of guilt over it. I realized this weekend that now that I allow myself a cheat day and I behave myself the rest of the week, I really, truly enjoy my cheat. I used to feel so guilty for indulging but I just don't anymore! The only hitch came today with Super Bowl Sunday. Saturday was my cheat day but it wasn't Mike's so he wanted to order pizza for the Super Bowl. What's Super Bowl Sunday without some greasy grub?? So, we compromised and ordered thin crust and cut the overall calories on the pizza by about 1,000. See, you can have fun while eating healthy!

Thoughts/Reflections for the week: About 2 weeks ago, a good friend of mine called and said, "You crazy B, you put your weight on the internet?!?!? What woman puts her weight on the internet?!?!?" We laughed hysterically about that. She's right, what woman does that??? How about a woman who finally had to go to "extreme measures" to get results. I have tried a million different ways to take better care of myself and, so far, this has been the most effective. For me, this is about accountability. I have no idea how many of you are actually reading this but it helps me to know that someone, somewhere out there is checking to see if I've stuck to this healthy lifestyle gig. Sometimes, you just have to get a little extreme to get results.

Also, I've been thinking a lot about stewardship. In our church, we talk about being good stewards of God's gifts. Usually that's in reference to your time, your talent, and your treasure (money). Are we doing the right things with the gifts God has given us? As my sister and I were talking last night, we discussed that expression "Your body is a temple." It occurred to us both that our bodies are also a gift from God and we owe it to God to be good stewards of it as well. If we are not fueling our bodies correctly, not taking care of ourselves, are we being abusive? I think so. I don't want to get all high and mighty and I'm certainly not suggesting that you are a "bad" follower of Christ or God by not taking care of yourself. BUT, I honestly believe that taking care of ourselves is just as important as giving our time, talent, and treasure for God's will. How can we give anything if we aren't healthy enough to do it in the first place? We only get this one body and I'm pretty sure God would love us to take care of it.

Our bodies are divinely designed to do amazing things. Think about all of the cool stuff your body does that you aren't even aware of. God really did something amazing here! When I think of my body as a perfectly created machine, it's a lot easier to put the right fuel in it. Eating brocolli instead of a cupcake suddenly makes as much sense to me as putting gas in my car instead of laundry detergent. It just makes sense to give my body what it needs to be healthy.

Okay, I'll stop being all theological about my diet now and get to bed for my 5 a.m. wake up call! I start Level 2 of my workout on Friday so wish me luck!!

The Baptism of Olivia Anne

On Sunday, Mike and I dedicated our sweet girl to God and the church community by having her baptized! It was one of the most important days of our lives and I am still just reeling from all of the emotion and blessings that were poured out that day.

Preparing for her baptism has been months in the making and the day itself could not have been more perfect. I was nearly as anxious for this day as I was on the day of my wedding! When I woke up Sunday morning, I felt so much anticipation and excitement that I could barely eat!

Baptism has so much meaning in our church and since the day I found out I was pregnant, I knew I wanted my child to be baptized. Since she was born, I have looked forward to the day when Mike and I could stand in front of the whole church community and present our child to the Lord and to the community.

For me, Olivia's baptism is about trust. That's something I've struggled with a lot in my life. I have trust issues. It's something God and I are working on and it's something that I've learned a lot about since my sweet girl's arrival into this world.

I've mentioned before that Oli doesn't really belong to Mike and me. She was a gift, the most amazing gift, to us from God. She was entrusted to us by God. She belongs to Him and that was scary for me at first. This tiny little girl is my whole heart and soul and yet, I cannot control what happens to her in this life. Sure, I have control over some things but, ultimately, God is in the driver seat.

And even though He is in conrol, He has trusted us with her care. He trusts us to let Him work in her life. To let Him be in control. And you know what I've found? That's actually pretty liberating. How much more amazing will the life of my sweet girl be if I let God do His work? How much better will I be as a parent if I let God drive this circus wagon?

I, like every other human, am imperfect. But He is perfect. God is perfect in all He does and if I let Him work, if I let Him guide me and lead me in the care of my daughter, I know that all things will work for His will. And His will is perfect.

So, as I stood there Sunday morning, I let go of my sweet girl and returned the trust that God has given us. We publicly announced that we trust Him with her life. We gave Him full dominion over her and over us as her mom and dad.

And, because, we can't do it alone, we showed our trust in our church community by asking them to help us raise our child in our faith. We asked them to help us show her how to be a good Christian.

I know that there will be times when she questions our faith or faith in general. And I know that our community will be there to guide her, lead her, and encourage her to continue her faith. I trust them to be a part of this journey with us.

We are so blessed to have had so many of our friends and family with us in the church pews that day. The majority of our guests weren't even Catholic and some of them hadn't been to church in many years. Yet there they were, making that pledge with us. Promising to help us raise our child according to God's will. Pledging to encourage her to marry a good Catholic boy to make her mother happy. Ha ha!

Giving this trust to God and our community was a huge step for me and it's one that I'm so happy I took. We can't do it alone and we don't have to. God has given us all of Himself so that we don't have to be alone. He has surrounded us with a church community and friends and family who are here to help us every step of the way. By trusting them, I know that Olivia's faith life will be so much richer. 

At the end of the day, Mike and I were talking about how incredibly blessed we were. Sunday was the most perfect day. Our daughter was a total angel during the entire church service. Her dress (which was made from my wedding gown) was gorgeous and she didn't have any blow-outs in it! Our friends and family were there to celebrate this amazing moment with us. We had family come in town from Louisiana, Oklahoma, and New Mexico just to be here for this day. Afterward, everyone came over to celebrate with us. Words cannot express how grateful we are to all of the people who were here (physically and in spirit) to support us.

I am still so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support we felt that day. I know that as Olivia starts her faith journey she will have questions and concerns and I know that I can trust so many to help and encourage her.

The entire weekend was so amazing. We go to spend so  much time with our incredible families and I feel so blessed to have this time with them. On Friday night, we were over at my cousin Trey's house and my Mawmaw was holding Olivia. As we sat there talking, Oli fell asleep on Mawmaw's chest and I just sat there watching, trying to burn that memory into my mind forever. Seeing my sweet girl with the people who are so important to us is so wonderful. Olivia got to spend time with so many of the people who are here to love and support her. She is a blessed little girl and we are so proud to be her parents.

Thank you so much to our family and friends for being here, for praying for us, and for helping us raise our sweet girl. Thank you especially to God for giving us our family and friends and for trusting us with the most precious gift.

With the Godparents, my Aunt Jacki and Mike's brother, Matt.

With Mike's grandma, Nana.

With my sister Michelle and my bro-in-law Michael.

With Grandma Margaret

With Mike's brother Matt & sis-in-law Emily

With my Mawmaw