Mama Bear

I have officially become one of those moms who corrects other mothers’ children at playgrounds/jungle gyms/the grocery store/etc. And I’m not one bit ashamed of it. Because what I’m starting to realize is that there are a lot of moms out there who just don’t give a crap about their own child’s behavior. As long as their kid isn’t terrorizing them, they really don’t care that Junior or Pretty Princes is busy peeing in a corner or pushing other kids or taking toys away from smaller children. And to those moms, I’m just gonna say it: You suck.

Now, if you are reading this blog, you probably aren’t one of the moms I’m talking about because most of the readers of this hopefully-someday-world-renowned site are my friends. And I don’t have sucky friends.

So, why the sudden rant? Here’s why:

 Yesterday Mike and I took Olivia to one of these indoor play places that seem to be in every strip mall around here. This one is an “indoor safari park” and it had jungle gyms and a train and these mechanical jungle animals that the kids can ride. Luckily (or so I thought), there were separate play areas for the little kids (ages 2-4) and the big kids (ages 5-10).

Now, Mike and I are probably a little tough on Olivia in the sense that we watch her every behavior when we are out (and at home for that matter) to make sure she’s behaving—being polite, not taking toys away from others, waiting her turn, etc. For all of The Boss Lady’s rambunctiousness, she’s actually got a very sensitive and sweet spirit. She’s the kid who’s always helping others in her class if they are uncomfortable or sad. She waits her turn and if another child takes a toy from her, she just lets them have it. She is not the aggressor and this is the one area of her personality I can definitely say she got from Mike and Mike alone. This is something I adore about my husband—that he has a big heart and can shrug off most things. He’s firm without being pushy and he’s earned a lot of respect from every single person who meets him because he is so easy to get along with. I am proud that my daughter has inherited this from him. I am…well, I’m a little more of a firecracker. Let’s just say that. Loveable, but fiery.

So anyway, we’re standing beside the little kid jungle gym watching Olivia navigate through the slides and ball pits and she slides down the slide and is coming out of the ball pit and she comes face to face with this really cute little boy probably just a couple of months younger than her. I think, “Oh good, she’ll make a friend,” as they stood there just staring at each other like toddlers do. I had seen this kid and his mom around the place earlier and his mom was sitting just a few feet away chatting with a friend of hers. And I watch this super cute little boy bring his right arm back behind him, swinging it forward, and landing a kidney shot on Olivia’s left rib cage. So I ran over, gave the kid a roundhouse kick to the head, put him in a triangle hold, and choked him out. The end.

Okay, not really.

What I did do was walk to my sweet girl who was now in tears, kneel down beside both of them, and say to this very cute future serial killer/sociopath, “Sweetie (Butthole), we do NOT hit other people. That is not a good way to express yourself.” He looked at me contritely and I followed up with, “Now you need to say you’re sorry.” “I’m saw-wee,” he said and moved to hug Oli. Olivia grudgingly hugged him back and we went to find another activity.

This is what the scene looked like in my head though (I thought out posting a pic from the internet but I’m not sure if that’s a copyright issue so you’ll have to endure my incredibly artistry):

And The Future Unibomber’s mother NEVER EVEN STOPPED CHATTING WITH HER FRIEND. And I KNOW she saw what happened and she saw me kneeling beside her kid and my kid bawling and she didn’t even  say a word to her own kid, to mine, or to me. Now, if I saw another mother having a chat with my child, I would go over and find out what was going on. And if I found out that Olivia had purposefully hit another person, I would pull her pants and panties down and I’d bust her ass right there in front of God and everybody. I’m serious. That’s intolerable.

I know that there is a certain age where kids hit. Olivia went through a phase around her first birthday where she would hit me. It was almost like she was just trying to figure out how she could use all of her new-found mobility. And a couple of months ago, when she pushed that line again and hit me, her pants were pulled down and she got a swat on her behind. Because at this age, she knows better. Or at least we should be well on the road to that understanding. That is the ONLY behavior in our house that gets a spanking. We do NOT hit or cause harm to anyone or anything purposefully. Period. And this little boy was old enough to know better. And if he wasn’t, his mother should have stopped her gabbing for 2 flipping seconds to come over and teach him better.

But it doesn’t stop there. About 30 minutes later, Olivia is jumping on this trampoline thing and the little boy comes over and Oli immediately moves away from him and points and says “That boy hit me!” We assured her all was well and that everyone could play together nicely. No sooner was that assurance out of our mouths than Little Mussolini walks up to Olivia and moves to hit her again. But this time, she moves out of the way before he can make contact. So he pokes her in the face! The face!!!  Well, Mike didn’t see that first incident but he sure did see this one and he yells “HEY, KID! BACK OFF!” I mean, really it was a little jarring.

If my scene with the kid looked bad in my head, here’s what Mike’s scene looked like:

 As I mentioned before, my husband is an incredibly kind soul. So for him to get upset enough to call down another child that sternly it had to be pretty bad. I mean, some little terrorist just hurt his little girl for crying out loud. I’m not gonna lie—I felt a little proud. And then I realized that if we stuck around this insane kid we’d end up on an episode of Cops or something because sooner or later I was going to confront the woman who didn’t care that her spawn was creating chaos for other children. We walked away from that area and found another place to play. I kept my eye on the little devil though and watched as he threw balls at and hit other kids. And still his mother sat gabbing on about the latest sale at My-Son-Is-A-Future-Puppy-Kicker Kids’ Consignment or something like that.

Sadly, this is not the only incident we’ve had where Olivia has been injured by another child.

When she was about 18 months, there were several biting incidences at her school. About every other week, she would come home with a note saying she had been bitten. Then we got a note saying she had been bitten on her face. For real. I nearly came unglued.

 See, I’m not as kind hearted as my other half. I may live in the ‘burbs now and I may throw a party with Martha Stewart-esque vibes, but I’ll get Trailer Park on your ass before you know what hit you. And that instinct was fired up when my kid came home looking like she had been hanging out with Hannibal Lecter. After that incident, I sat down with the director, we had a chat, and a few things got changed at Oli’s school.

This August, just 2 days before her 2^nd birthday, I got a call from her new school saying that she had been pushed by another kid off of a play fort. When I went to pick her up that afternoon, she couldn’t walk. I mean that literally. She could not put any weight on her right leg. We went to the ER, x-rays came back negative and we were told it was probably a muscle strain/sprain and would just have to heal on its own. We had a gym party scheduled for her just 4 days after this incident and I knew something wasn’t right when my normally boisterous kiddo didn’t want to take part in the festivities. After several more doctor’s visits, calls and a full month of watching The Boss Lady favor her right leg, we found out her leg was broken. And had been the entire time. A month in a full leg cast later, she was healed and back in action.

If you have never seen a kid (especially a two year old) in a cast, let me just tell you: it’s heartbreaking. And when it’s your kid and it’s because SOMEONE ELSE caused it, it’s just infuriating. I’m glad I don’t know which kid it was that pushed Oli but I sure hope his or her parents saw my child limping into the school every day with her bright pink cast and a huge smile on her face. Okay, okay, I know that the kid didn’t intend to break Oli’s leg but it was still so sad and upsetting and I cannot tell you what kind of heartbreak it caused for Mike and me. It was really sad and hard to take care of such a young child in a full leg cast.  

See??? Really, really, REALLY sad. And cute. But sad.

Shortly after the cast was removed, we were at a Chick-fil-a play place and an older kid decided Olivia wasn’t moving fast enough down the slide and pushed her off. I was up and out of my seat, flying over to the two of them before I really had my wits about me. “HEY!” I screamed, putting myself in check as I knelt down beside the two. I looked the older boy in the face and explained that he didn’t need to push younger kids or any kids for that matter. The little terd just shrugged his shoulders and started to walk away. I grabbed his arm, turned him back toward me, and said, “No sir. You are going to listen to me,” as I further explained how he needed to be careful when playing around others.

Again, a situation where his mother was sitting RIGHT THERE and never said a word.

Folks, I am just baffled by this. I know that parenting is hard and exhausting and sometimes you just want to let your kid run free. And as long as they aren’t bothering YOU, well then, sorry to the suckers who are getting terrorized by them. But that’s not the right way. I am not an expert in this gig and I certainly do not deign to give out parenting advice but this is right up there with letting your kids drink beer and smoke cigarettes. It’s just not right.

Mike and I have had the conversation a few times now about how to teach Olivia proper self-defense. In a way, we’d like to just teach her to go all guerilla warfare and just take out anyone who lays a finger on her.  But I don’t WANT that kid. If I have to choose between the kid who is causing harm and the one who is being harmed, I’d rather have the kid who is being harmed. Weird to think about, I know. But I would be mortified and horrified if I knew Olivia was causing harm to someone. She’ll survive being bullied a little. I certainly did and so do millions of kids every year. The kid who is BEING the bully though…well, I don’t know who that kid ends up being.

And look, I understand that some kiddos just have behavior issues and I know there are lots of parents out there who are dealing with those kids and trying to work through those issues. I applaud those parents for continuing to try to teach those kids how to have better behavior.

 However, those parents  who just sit by and let their kid do whatever they want…well, I don’t have any problem trying to teach your kid if you won’t. Cause when someone hurts my kid, I’m worse than a mama grizzly bear. I’m a mama bear who’s just a little bit trailer park.