At any rate, here we are, buying panties covered in pictures
of Minnie Mouse, and cheering about pee-pee in the potty, and cleaning poop out
of underwear.
Oh yes, you read that right. That was my night last night.
Cleaning poop. Out of underwear. Good. Times.
Look, this potty training gig was NOT our idea, I assure
you. It all started about 2 months ago while Olivia still had her cast on (What,
you didn’t know our kid had a cast on her right leg? Long story. Maybe I’ll
tell it some other time. When I’m not too busy cleaning up pee and poop.). Her
teachers at school told us that she had been showing some interest but they
wanted to wait until they didn’t have more of a mess with the cast in the way.
They wrote in her school note that she was ready and we would readdress it
later. Quite frankly, I didn’t care one way or the other. The way I figured it,
she’d potty train when she was ready. She might have been showing some interest
but that wasn’t enough to convince me it was time.
But after the cast came off, Olivia set about trying to
convince US that SHE was ready. Over the past month, every time her diaper is
wet, Oli will come to us announcing that she has a pee-pee and rip off her diaper.
She also asks often to wear panties and occasionally we would let her put a
pair on. But, inevitably, 15 minutes later she would wet herself and I’d be
cleaning pee off of her legs, out of her clothes, out of her shoes, and out of
the carpet.
Take 2 weeks ago, Sunday. She asked to wear panties instead
of a diaper when she got up. I figured we’d give it a go. Every 30 minutes we
put her on the toilet but nothing happened. Then it was time to leave for church.
Things were going so good that I wanted to be consistent and leave her in the
panties. About 30 minutes through the service, I took Oli to the bathroom.
Trying to show solidarity, I decided I’d go first to show her how big girls go
pee-pee. Just as I was pulling up my pants, Olivia announced “I go pee-pee.”
And then she did. All over the floor. Soaking through her panties and her
tights. Pee trickling down into her shoes.
Did I have the diaper bag with me
with spare diapers and clothes? Nope.
I wiped the pee off of the floor, stripped her shoes, tights,
and panties and put them in the sink. I then carried a shoe-less, pants-less,
diaper-less child back into the church sanctuary and loud-whispered to Mike “Give.
Me. The. Diaper. Bag.” I then headed back to the bathroom to continue the clean
up. We put a diaper on The Boss Lady the rest of the day. And that entire week.
I had decided to give up on panties entirely at that point. After that day, I
didn’t give a crap if she went to prom wearing a damn diaper.
I mean, it was clear to me that she just wasn’t ready for
it. And I was totally okay with that. I am just not obsessed with “milestones”
for Oli. The way I figure it is that she’ll get there when she gets there. And
unless her doc is telling me otherwise, I’m just going to assume that she’s
right on track and will learn things at her own pace.
Not to mention that cleaning up a diaper is about 8,743
times easier than cleaning up pee off of the floor. Oh, and did I mention my
complete disgust for public restrooms? Seriously. I have a recurring nightmare,
and I mean NIGHTMARE, about a dirty public restroom that I am forced to use. It’s
weird, I know. It’s my thing though. And it didn’t occur to me that when I had
a little girl I’d have to brave a public restroom with her. See, I’ve mastered
the public restroom. I can squat for a full 2 minutes. Have you ever tried to
get a 2 year old to squat? Or to keep their hands out of the toilet or their
pee stream? I’m considering in investing in a Hazmat suit just for public
restroom visits.
But then we got the note.
Each day, Olivia’s teachers send home a note saying how she
did that day and letting us know about any special occurrences. Monday’s note
said, “Olivia is ready for potty training! You can send her in panties tomorrow
if you want.” Um, WHAT?? You want me to send my teeny tiny baby to school in
panties??!!??
I felt overwhelmed and excited by that note. If her teachers
think she is ready then I guess that’s a good sign. Mike and I kind of assume
that her teachers know more than we do about toddlers since that’s what they do
all day so I just thought we’d take their word for it. Also, some of her school
friends are potty training and I think she wants to imitate. Sometimes peer
pressure is a good thing.
Tuesday when she woke up, we put the panties on and 15 minutes
later I was cleaning pee from the carpet. I was determined not to be
discouraged though and put a clean pair on her and sent her off with 3 changes
of clothes. And she didn’t have an accident ALL DAY! Well, at least not until
Mike showed up at the end of the day and she got so excited that she peed.
Oh, and until she got home. And tried to lock herself in the
atrium while she squeezed a huge terd out. I tried to stop that one but was
about 17 seconds too late. Luckily though she was pretty horrified by the poop
in the panties incident and cried “There’s poo-poo on my panties!!!” Yep, kid,
that’s what happens when you crap your pants.
This morning, we tried again. No accidents before we went to
school. When I dropped her off, her teachers just raved about how good she was
doing and how it was so great that she is indicating she is ready and doesn’t want
to be wet or dirty in a diaper. So I went to Target today and invested in 18
more pairs of Disney designs to be worn on my child’s rear end. At 3 pairs a
day, those, along with the 5 pairs we already have, will last a week without me
having to do laundry. When I brought the panties home, Olivia danced around the
kitchen shouting “Panties! Panties! Panties!” Calm down, Boss Lady, this ain’t
Mardi Gras.
As I mentioned earlier though, after bath tonight, she completely
refused panties and requested to wear a diaper.
So, at this point, I just don’t know what is going on. In a
way, I just feel like throwing in the towel and telling her teachers that we’ll
just put her in Depends when she outgrows Huggies. And in a way, the thought of
not having to buy another $40 pack of diapers makes me giddy with excitement. I
don’t want to push her but I also want to encourage her since she’s showing so
much interest.
She gets REALLY excited whenever she uses the bathroom on
the toilet. I mean REALLY, REALLY, REALLY excited. Like this morning, she
yelled “Mommy, I did it! I went pee-pee!” The evident thrill coming from her is
infectious and I want her to do this if SHE wants to. But I DON’T want it to
frustrate all of us. Right now, I don’t feel aggravated when she has an
accident. She’s 2. It’s a new skill. I get that. I worry though that it will *start*
to frustrate me.
The hardest thing about parenting for me has been not
knowing how long the rough phases are going to last. Luckily though I have a
few of those rough times under my belt and I know at this point that this will
probably not last very long so we are going to stick with it. Either this will
be a total success in about a week or we will just go back to diapers and try
again later.
At any rate, it’s really cute right now to watch her learn something
new. This morning, when I put her on the potty for like the 800th
time, she looked down between her legs and asked me, “Mommy, where’s the
pee-pee?” It was so earnest and so concerned and so very cute. And what other
time in your life can you wear Minnie Mouse on your business and not be
considered a freak? Really, potty training does have its cute moments.
We’ll see what happens from here. If you want to be
supportive, please send carpet cleaner this way! Or if this doesn’t work out,
help sign my petition for Huggies to start making a diaper that will fit a high
schooler.
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