Let's try, "I love you," instead of, "I farted."

I just had yet another great phone convo with one of my very best friends and spiritual mentor (D$, that’s you!). Darci is someone who believed in me and prayed for me when I could do neither for myself. She constantly reminds me that I am God’s child even when I’m a complete mess and/or butthole. I wanted to share a thought/story that I shared with her and that’s been swirling in my crazy brain for a few days (maybe weeks?) now.

I don’t write a ton about my faith but I hope that you can see that in some of my writing and some of the way that I look at life and this crazy journey of Parenthood. My faith is my rock. It’s the thing that holds the Milligan Empire together. It’s the thing that guides me during all of the uncertainties in raising The Boss Lady. EVERY SINGLE DAY I pray over Olivia when she goes to bed and I pray that God would just guide me to raise her to be not want I want her to be but what He wants her to be to serve Him in her life.

Some folks comment on how I’m much more laid back as a parent than they ever thought I’d be. Apparently I was quite the OCD Control Freak in my pre-parenthood days. Apparently. I think my faith in God’s higher purpose for my daughter has a lot to do with that. Every time I hear the circus music playing in my head, I remind myself that I am here to serve Him in raising Lady Loco. Though Mike and I were extremely blessed to have been chosen to be Olivia’s parents on this earth, we know that she does not belong to us. She belongs to God and we are here to raise her to be whatever He needs her to be. There’s something exhilarating and sort of freeing about that. I know that even when I screw up, He will use those moments to shape Olivia and Mike and me.

So, here’s the thought/story I wanted to share:

If you follow me on Facebook (and I’m quite entertaining so you should!), you know that we’ve had sleep issues with Captain Crazy since August 24, 2010 (that’s the day she was born for any of you who have just joined us). Our new thing to get her to go to sleep is just to lay down with her in the bed. She loves that. If we put her in her bed, it takes her 2 hours to go to sleep. If we just put her in bed with us, it takes like 20 minutes. She loves the closeness. Often we’ll just listen to music or I’ll run my fingers through her hair or tickle her back. It reminds me of when my sister, Michelle, and I were little and she would just beg me (or whoever was laying with her) to tickle her back until she fell asleep.

A couple of weeks ago, Oli and I were laying in bed and I was just looking at her and thinking how lucky I am to have such a beautiful child and I said, “I love you so much Oli A.” And she said, “Mommy I have a booger.” Or something profound like that. And I had to chuckle because I just thought that is so typical that I am looking for some intimate meaningful moment with her and that’s what she has to tell me.

And I LOVE it when Olivia tells me she loves me. I mean, I practically crave it. That may sound crazy but all of you mommies, and probably daddies, out there know what I mean. When that child wraps her arms around me and says, “I love you, Mommy!” I feel like I am going to split open from the complete joy I feel in the moment. It doesn’t matter if the second before she has pooped on the floor or rubbed banana in the couch or purposefully thrown Goldfish on the ground and then stepped all over them. When she says “I love you,” it is the ONLY thing I ever need to hear.

It struck me as I was laying there with her, with her boogers, and thinking how much I love and would have loved to hear her say “I love you” back in that moment, that our God must also crave our love and affection that much. And even though laying there with her was good for her for going to sleep, that intimacy, that quiet time with her is good for me too. I love those times when she will lay quietly with me and just BE. 

Often, I am struck by the correlations between human parenthood and the parenthood of our Heavenly Father. And this is a big one.

I live for those moments when Olivia gives me love and adoration. And she doesn’t give it for any other reason except that she also feels loved and safe and comfortable. It comes with no strings attached. It is simple and pure and I crave that from her always.

Imagine then how much more our God craves our love and affection. Imagine how much more He beams when we purely and honestly say, “I love you,” with no expectations except that we are loved in return. Imagine how elated He is when we just spend time with Him and we are just fully present, we are just THERE.

When your child loves you, is there anything you wouldn’t give her? Is there any transgression you wouldn’t forgive when those three words are said to you? And honestly, even when your child is hateful to you or disrespectful, is there still anything you wouldn’t give her? No.

That’s what we do as parents. We live for and crave those moments that our children show their purest love and affection for us. We always, ALWAYS provide for them even when they are ungrateful, insane Gremlins. And when they say “I love you,” every tear, every heart ache, every dime spent is worth those three words.

When talking to Darci this evening, I told her the following story:

Every morning, Mike and I say a prayer together. It’s something we started before we were married and we’ve done it every day for like 7 years or something. Now that Olivia is up before Mike leaves, she’s been saying our prayer with us in the morning. She holds our hands, scrunches her eyes up tight, and at the end, jubilantly shouts “AMEN!”

One morning, we were praying and Olivia interrupted, “Hey Mommy! Hey Mommy!” Thinking she may have something to add to our prayer, in my very loving Mommy Voice, I said “Yes, love?”

“Mommy I farted!” she shouted joyfully. I just had to laugh and look to Heaven and say “She’s all yours.”

Darci got a kick out of the story and pointed out that we often do to God what Olivia did to us. We interrupt a profound moment or opportunity to spend time with Him to say “Hey, I farted!” or “I have a booger.” And still He loves us and provides for us and just waits for and craves that moment when we say, “I love you.”

Mike and I do so many things to see joy in our child. We take her to the zoo or aquarium for that ONE moment when her eyes light up and she is happy. We tell her we love her about 800 times a day for that ONE time when she says it back. And all of the work and all of the tears and all of the boogers and farts in the world are worth it for that ONE time.

AND GOD DOES THE SAME THING FOR US. FOR ME.

Oh, and by the way, our human parents still crave that too! No matter how old we are! Call your mom and dad, tell them “I love you.” Save your fart or boogers stories for another time. They’ve listened to that crap your whole life.  

I was floored by my little moment. As an adult it is really easy to feel like I am independent enough to not *need* to be waited on or craved. But I do need it. I love knowing that God provides so many things for Mike, Oli, and I and He does it without any expectation. But when we stop in in our day to tell Him, “I love you,” He nearly splits in half with joy over that. It’s kind of a cool feeling.

Okay, so I’m not going to end this with an “altar invitation” or anything like that. BUT, I will say that I think all of us parents (and even those of you who are not!) should take a moment to say, “I love you,” instead of “I farted.” I think we should take a moment to realize that no matter how old you are or whether your human parents are around or not, someone (um, God, in case you missed the point) craves YOU—your love, your affection, your “I love you.”