Okay so MAYBE you were right...

Today it's been 6 weeks since my Angel Baby came into this world!!! I can't believe 6 weeks have flown by and how much has changed. What's even more amazing is that the first 2 weeks are already somewhat of a blur!
,
Not everything has changed though. I still have stretch marks on my belly that make it look like I got into a fight with a mountain lion. And I still have some of my pregnancy freckles, which is just a nice word for 'dark skin discolorations.' Both of those things are fading fast though. I know the stretch marks won't go away completely and I'm okay with that. They will forever be a reminder that Oli and I once shared a body--a bond that can never be broken no matter how far away she goes. They are a reminder that, yes, I really DID have this little person inside of me! Mike and I have often looked at each other in awe and said "Isn't it crazy that we MADE her??" Sometimes this is said in a tone of endearment and others...well...let's just say that our daughter has her not-so-endearing moments at times! ;)

Sometimes at night, I still touch my belly and I miss having her so close to me and being able to feel her kicking and squirming. It's during those times that I know how completely I love my child. Because even though she has frustrated me to the point where I had to get in my car and drive away for a few moments (Yes, that really did happen one night! And, no, I did not leave her alone in the house. She was with her dad.), I miss her when she is not with me. I see her tiny face when I close my eyes. And I wonder what she's doing when I can't see her.

In just 6 short weeks, The Boss Lady has turned my world upside down and taken up a permanent place in my heart.

Yesterday morning, I got the greatest reward as I sat and watched her give me these huge open-mouthed smiles! It was the most amazing sight and I have no idea how long I sat there with her. I could have done it all day!

I'm not sure if those smiles were real smiles or just a pre-amble to a dirty diaper, but I'm counting them!!! And, to be perfectly honest, she smiled at the couch cushion and the door about as much as she smiled at me but I'm STILL counting them!!!

And it was in that moment of watching that little face light up that I knew: IT'S ALL TOTALLY WORTH IT!

In those first couple of weeks, veteran moms would say "It'll get better. It's all worth it." My response to that was "WHEN?!?!?!" When I eventually end up in the loony bin on happy pills? When I eventually start humming to and drooling on myself from sleep deprivation? That little nugget of "wisdom" drove me mad in the beginning.

To me, this was the equivalent of walking up to a homeless person and saying "Don't worry. It'll get better. I'm not going to give you any money, food, or shelter, but someday, it'll get better." Who says that?? That's not helpful!!! Mixing me a stiff drink with a side of Xanax would've been better than the line "It'll get better."

And then...IT GOT BETTER!!!

I have no idea when it happened. Sometime in the past couple of days it just did! I'm not sure if she changed or we did but either way, we're like 99% certain we're going to keep her around!

On Saturday evening, Mike and I even found ourselves giving another couple reassurance that they would eventually no longer feel like returning their 3 week old to the hospital. How things change!!

So maybe all of you veteran moms were right: it DOES get better!

Okay, so I know that we still have a looooooong road ahead of us and that there will still be days when I contemplate calling the hospital to see what the return policy on a baby is. But for now, I'm going to sit with The Boss Lady and make crazy faces at her just to see a small glimpse of her gorgeous smile.