The Village People and the Birthday

"It takes a village to raise a child."

These are the words of wisdom told to me by my friend Christina just after I had Olivia. "Oh, yes," I agreed, nodding my head vigorously. Of course it takes a village. I indicated I knew exactly what she meant. I didn't really have a clue though. How could I have understood that expression since I hadn't ever seen myself as a villager. I always thought of myself as more of a Deserted Islander type. My moto in life was "If you don't take care of yourself, no one else will." I didn't need a village to help raise my child. I just needed to pull it together.

Yet something in me knew there was a reason that the saying wasn't "Babies are best kept on deserted islands." Yes, some part of me knew that Christina was right,

"It takes a village to raise a child."

But there I was, at 3 a.m., nursing my baby, trying with everything in me to meet her needs. Trying to stop her cries, trying to stop my own. There I was, not calling those friends who had told me that I could call anytime if I needed something or just wanted to talk. If I could not help myself, how could they possibly help? And what if they saw, finally, that I was not strong? What if they found me weak, needy, incapable of being a mother? What if they saw that I did not have it all together as I so wanted them to think? What if they knew how scared, frustrated, and exhausted I was?

I was afraid of the village. I was afraid of what its people would think of me once they realized I wasn't keeping it all together. I did everything in my power those first few weeks to prove that I could go this alone.

My step-mom, Lisa, got to witness this first hand. She came and stayed with us just after Olivia was born. She was the first of the "moms" to come help out and in my quest to prove that I could do it all, I refused to let her help. My inability to let go, caused a small divide in our once close relationship. Though we have made amends, I wish I could have let go enough to let her in. The truest testament to her awesomeness is that she stuck by me even when I tried to push her away.

After she left, my mom and MIL came to help and I let them...well at least a little. Slowly, I started letting others in. I called those friends who said I could call anytime with questions or just venting. I started asking for help when I needed it. Suddenly, it was as if something inside of me just woke up and I had the realization that I could not do everything all by myself. If I was going to be successful at motherhood, I needed a village.

Then I started writing these zany blogs and letting all of you in on my secret that I'm not so together after all. It feels GREAT to ask for help. It feels incredible to reach out to all of you, to family and friends, to random strangers in the grocery store who help me out to my car with my groceries because my child is having a nuclear melt down. It feels incredible to just let go sometimes and let you all, my villagers, step in to help.

The really sad thing is that all of these years I've considered myself a Deserted Islander, I've really been surrounded by all of you the entire time. I wasn't on a deserted island. I just had my head in my butt. I have been blind for nearly 30 years as to how much I have relied on this village. In learning this reliance, I have been shown just how much I can depend on others. I've been shown just how much I never really did it all myself to begin with. I've also learned to lean on my husband a lot more. I have come to appreciate the fact that,

"It takes a village to raise a child." 

Today, we celebrate Olivia's first birthday and as I've been reflecting on the past year, this phrase has been the thought that has been bouncing around in my head.

Mike and I have been joking that we are celebrating today because we've managed to keep our kid alive for an entire year! The first year party, we said, is really just a survival party for us! But we did not survive this alone. If we are successful at this parenting gig, if we have been able to raise Oli well this first year, if we still have even a shred of sanity, it is due in large part to all of YOU, our village.

I wish I could name all of you individually for all you have done. There are so many that I fear I would leave someone out. We have been seriously blessed this year to have had all of you in our lives. I am completely overwhelmed when I think of the numerous times that all of you were here to support us.

Today, on this incredible day that we celebrate the birth of The Boss Lady, I want to say THANK YOU to all of you for being here for us this first year. Thank you for laughing with us, crying with us, and keeping us together. Thank you for the times you listened, gave advice, or just a hug. Thank you for not judging when we failed and for celebrating our successes.

Thank you for being with us through the most incredible year of our lives. And it's only just getting started...

Happy Happy Birthday to the one and only Olivia Anne!