Happy Birthday, Doug!

Today is The Boss Lady's big birthday extravaganza! Okay, well, if you call hamburgers, hot dogs, and an assortment of chips an "extravaganza" anyway. I'm up early to finish getting prepped for the party and I feel like a kid at Christmas. I've had so much fun planning this shindig. I actually FINISHED the scrapbook for her first year! I'm friggin' superwoman over here!

Today has some other significance as well. It was exactly this day last year that we brought our sweet girl home. Boy, were we clueless! I was so excited to get out of that hospital. That morning, I woke up and starting packing our bags. The nursery got Olivia all dressed in her going-home outfit. We held her, stared at her beautiful face, and marveled at how we made the most incredible little person. Slowly and carefully, we lifted her into her carseat carrier. And then she started screeching. For 2 hours. I refused to leave. I refused to be the woman walking down the hallway with a screeching baby! But eventually she settled down and we headed home only to find out that that screeching fit was only a preview of what was to come!

Unfortunately, this significance of this day is tinged with a little sadness too. Today is my father-in-law, Doug's birthday. I haven't mentioned Doug very often here but it's not because he hasn't played an important role in my life. The fact is, I never got to meet Doug Milligan. When I met Mike, Doug had been dead for about 6 months. At that time, Mike was just in the beginning stages of grief over losing the man who was his best friend. In fact, watching Mike go through that convinced me that I would love him forever. Each time he revealed his pain to me, I literally felt that pain. How could I not spend forever with someone whose pain had become my own?

Doug was killed in a tragic car accident on July 24, 2004. He and my mother-in-law, Margaret, had just been here visiting Mike and his brother, Matt, and they were driving back home to Albuquerque. Just outside of town, a man who was intoxicated and on other drugs swerved into their lane, hitting them head on. Margaret was the only survivor of this accident.

I don't share these details to make this post even more sad. I share them because they are the circumstances which robbed my husband, mother-in-law, brother- and sister-in-law, and countless others of a man they loved and had plans of a future with. They are the circumstances which robbed me and my daughter of ever getting to know a man whom I have never heard a bad word about.

Though I did not get to know Doug in person, I feel I do know who he was. He was kind and patient. He was easy going but was known to have quite the meltdown when his fuse finally burned down! He had a big booming voice and a wonderful laugh. He worked hard everyday of his life. He served in the Vietnam war and saved countless lives in doing so. He was warm and funny and loving. He was an amazing husband to Margaret. He was an incredible dad to Mike and his brother, Matt.

I've been able to know Doug through his family. I've gotten to know him in getting to know my husband and Matt. As far as I can tell, they each inherited parts of his personality. Mike is easy going but has a sensitive heart. And he's Doug's mini-me much as Oli is Mike's. Matt is the practical joker, always smiling and willing to do whatever.

In the past year, I've gotten to know Doug even more by watching his son be a dad himself. Doug set the bar high for fatherhood and Mike has taken everything he received from Doug and he gives it to Olivia.

My daugher won't know the amazing Doug Milligan in person. But she'll know him through Mike, through Matt, through Margaret, and through the countless friends and family members who keep his memory alive. She'll get to know that he would have loved spending time with her and getting to know her and that he will always be with her in spirit.

I wish I could have known this amazing man who touched so many lives. I wish I could thank him for teaching Mike what it means to be a husband and a dad. I know he would be so proud of his son for giving his whole heart to both. I am indebted to Doug for the amazing man I get to spend my life with.

I know that Doug believed in really living life and being in the moment. Today, we won't sit around and mourn that he isn't here to blow out the candles on his birthday cake. We'll celebrate Oli's first birthday and know that Doug is watching and cheering us on.

Happy Happy Birthday, Doug.