My day didn't start out like this though. Here's the short (ha! yeah right!) version of how it all went down:
This morning, I decided to stay home with Oli and take her to the doctor. I knew she hadn't been feeling well but couldn't pin point what it was. She wasn't running a fever but something just wasn't right. The doc couldn't get her in until after 1:30 so we spent the morning just hanging out at home. She watched Barney while I finished laundry, packed up some of her old clothes and shoes, and even cleaned the fridge. We ran an errand and even made it to the doc on time.
Turns out my sweet girl has a double ear infection. Oli isn't your typical sick kid. She isn't all snuggly or mellow when she's sick. Really the ONLY reason I knew she was sick is because she's told me she has a headache for the past couple of days and she slept until after 8:30. Other than that, she was laughing and running around and just as chatty as usual.
As a pick-me-up for her, we stopped for frozen yogurt after we picked up her antibiotic. We sat outside on a park bench and enjoyed the gorgeous weather before heading home. We went home, got her tricycle and headed to the park. We played for about 30 minutes before Mike came by to pick us up. I was looking forward to a night of dinner and some more one-on-one time with The Boss Lady since Mike had to work later.
I made dinner while Mike worked and Oli played. She helped me a cook a little and then asked to color. I got out her markers and she colored while I finished dinner. We talked about how she would take a bubble bath after dinner and how we would watch a movie together in bed to end the night. She eventually went on the patio to ride her bike and, when dinner was ready, I asked her to pick up her markers so we could eat dinner. She refused. I asked again. She just stared at me and refused.
I decided to change tactics. I threatened that she would start to lose her privileges if she didn't cooperate. I gave her to the count of 3 to pick up the markers or she would lose the bubble bath. She refused. I informed her that the bubble bath was gone.
"I WANT TO TAKE A BUBBLE BATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she screamed.
I reiterated that it was too late for that. I told her that she had until the count of 3 to pick up the markers or she would lose her movie. I counted to 3. She refused to move. I told her that the movie was gone.
"I WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE AND TAKE A BUBBLE BATH!!!!"
Again, I told her she had until the count of 3 to pick up the MOTHER FLIPPIN' MARKERS (Okay, I didn't say it like that but I was thinking it.) or she would go to time out. I think at this point, she figured that since I was reinforcing my stance, she would reinforce hers,
"I WANT TO TAKE A BUBBLE BATH!!!"
I picked her up, put her in her room, and told her she could come out when her behavior improved. I tried to enjoy my dinner on the patio while my child lost her shit in her bedroom but I was just cringing inside between screeches. It was awful. Though Mike was working, he was working from home and he tried to help but nothing could be done short of divine intervention. And I'm pretty sure God has more of a lesson in mind for me where this is concerned than He does for her so that wasn't gonna happen.
For the next 30 minutes we listened to Oli completely freak out, kicking and screaming at the top of her lungs. She would occasionally come out of her room and scream at us. We have adopted a zero tolerance policy around here so I explained to her that as soon as she ate dinner (because she had to eat because of this damn antibiotic she's now on) she would put on her pj's and go to bed. She eventually calmed down enough to sit down to eat dinner.
Dinner became a new opportunity for her to "earn" her way back into our good graces. Or so she thought. She kept batting her sweet eyelashes at me. She even said, "I want to pull it together." I had to explain to her though that it was too late for that and she still had to go to bed after she ate. That brought a fresh onslaught of tears and pouting. It took her about 30 minutes to eat dinner. It was excruciating.
Afterward, we put her in her pj's, put her in bed, and explained that we could try again. She asked for a few extra hugs and repeated, "I have good behavior tomorrow."
Then I came out and cried. Because tomorrow seems like it doesn't matter. Tomorrow I will be at work all day and who knows if I'll even be able to cuddle and watch a movie with her at the end of the night. Who knows if I'll even have the energy to do it. Tomorrow won't have been a nearly perfect day with The Boss Lady.
TODAY is the day I wanted to remain intact, dammit! I am so heartbroken about the way this day ended. I get so few GREAT days with Oli A and I just feel sad and pissed off that this day ended so freaking crappy.
Sometimes this motherhood gig SUCKS. I am trying so hard to tow the line with Oli when it comes to discipline. I want her to understand that we mean what we say and aren't full of empty threats. I don't want to be that parent that constantly threatens but doesn't follow through. I can't even stand making the threat in the first place. Mike and I just decided that instead of telling her multiple times to do something, we are just going to say it once and follow through with a consequence. We've been doing pretty good with that and it seems to be very effective with Oli but it really, REALLY SUCKS.
It sucks because when we have to actually take away fun things like bubble baths and movie cuddle time, it takes away fun for me too! It's not just that she's missing out, WE are missing out. I am really sad that I am typing out all of this craziness instead of snuggling up with my girl while we watch some movie I could probably recite and act out myself because I've seen it so many times.
This though is the ugly, raw truth of parenthood. Sometimes it just sucks. Sometimes even I get disappointed. As I sat with Oli finishing her dinner, she kept asking if she could have her privileges back and I just started crying because I wanted *so bad* to just say "Okay, fine, let's just apologize and move on." But I just knew I couldn't. Because that crazy temper tantrum psycho behavior is just unacceptable.
So, yeah, I guess there's tomorrow. But tonight, I'm really sad and it sucks.
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