"Steph, she just threw up all over herself." Neat. Just what every person wants to hear after a 2 Hour Bedtime Battle with their 5 month old. Now, before you start feeling all sorry for The Boss Lady, she was NOT sick. She had just worked herself up into such a frenzy that she actually threw up. She's done it before so it shouldn't have come as a surprise, I guess.
So, there we were at 10:30 at night, changing the sheets, running the bath water, and washing the puke out of the hair of our daughter. And I thought that only happened in college.
After she was cleaned up, we put her in a clean pair of pajamas. Despite the fact that she had been carrying on like a Gremlin since 8:30 when we tried to put her to bed, she was all smiles in the tub and as we re-dressed her in her pj's. We looked at each other and back at her. What the heck was going on?
This same child who, only moments before, had been screeching so loud that she made herself THROW UP, was smiling up at us, grabbing her toes, and "talking" away.
Ladies & gentelmen, we had just been played. By a 5 month old.
At Olivia's 2 month check up, I remember her doctor saying "Babies come out knowing how to do 4 things: eat, sleep, poop, & manipulate." We are here to tell you that this is entirely true. I don't mean to say bad things about my sweet girl but it's clear that we are that age with her where she knows what gets our attention.
That night, every time we were in the room with her, holding her, she was fine, happy even. I watched her watch me walk out of the room and the second I was outside of her doorway, she began the Demon Scream. And it's no longer just her regular Demon Scream. It's the Super Sonic Demon Scream. She's learned how to scream and she loves doing it all of the time. During the day, her screams are just for fun. But at night, after you've been awake and working for the past 16 hours, she couples her scream with a good cry and there you have it: Super Sonic Demon Scream.
That was Monday. And here I am, this fine Wednesday evening, sitting next to the baby monitor listening to my sweet girl cry her little heart out. Oh, except for now. Because daddy just went in to check on her. But I know that the second he walks out of the room, it'll start again.
The most frustrating thing about this is that we had such a wonderful bedtime routine going just one week ago. We would go in her room, turn on her rain music, dim the lights, and she would nurse herself to sleep. It was peaceful and wonderful and now it's over. We have asked ourselves multiples times the past 3 nights why this is happening now. Why after several months of enjoyable evenings are we suddenly having this issue? Hadn't we established a great routine?
Which brings us to Parenting Lesson #512:
Babies are NOT creatures of habit. You may have a "routine" but your kid could really give a crap. All of these "routines" are really just for our sanity. It's really just a way of us trying to reclaim some level of control over our lives. And occasionally, your sweet angel will grasp one of those routines and you'll be in seventh heaven thinking that life couldn't get any better. Then, that same sweet angel will switch things up on you as if to say, "Let's not forget who's really in charge around here. I own you, beyotch."
But, okay, so here's the silver lining in this circus tent I call my life: This too shall pass--just like everything else in this crazy land of parenthood. Because kids don't have habits, this will also stop and we'll eventually be back in seventh heaven. We'll enjoy every minute of that time and we'll make it through these tough times too.
Besides, every morning I wake up so excited to see The Boss Lady's sweet smile. She's always so excited to see me in the morning. The day after her throw up episode was no exception and that big grin reminded me that even the bad stuff is worth it. I picked her up and she smiled at me the entire time and it seemed that our crazy episode from the night before never even happened and all was forgiven.
We sat on the couch, she nursed, we snuggled. She looked straight into my eyes, smiled, and then threw up all over my lap. Huh. Maybe she hadn't forgotten about the night before after all. Cue the circus music.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Resolution Update: Week 2
Weight: 171. Yea!!! 1.5 pounds down from last week! Of course, my first reaction was that maybe that 1.5 was just from all of the hair that I'm still losing! But, I'm going to revel in my accomplishment this week. And this is totally on target for losing weight while breastfeeding. Most of what I've read recommends losing only 1-2 pounds a week so I'm doing pretty good.
Diet: Two things happened this week that I NEVER thought I would ever do! I actually counted up the calories I was eating each day and adjusted my diet so that I can actually lose weight. I found some information online about breastfeeding and calorie consumption. The info I found said I'd need to consume 2,700 calories a day for breastfeeding. That seemed a little high for me and it definitely didn't take into account wanting to LOSE weight. I decided to shoot for about 2,500 calories for now. When I added up all of my food for the day, I found out that each day, I was eating 1,900 calories BEFORE dinner!!! That was a big shock to me! I had no idea I was eating that much throughout the day. And rest assured, my dinner is not 600 calories so I already know I'm eating well over 2,500 calories! To be honest, it was probably closer to 3,000. YIKES. So, I made some cuts in my diet but still balancing proteins & carbs.
The second CRAZY thing I did is that I bought...wait for it...CELERY!!! Now, I'm a lover of all things vegetable, except for 2: Beets & Celery. I just feel like someone mistook them for actual good veggies. And, yeah, my mom's tried to disguise celery with peanut butter & raisins and called it "ants on a log" but I was too smart for that. I just scraped the peanut butter and raisins off and put the celery in the trash. But, my sister told me about a snack she's been eating. She eats one of those wedges of Laughing Cow cheese with about 4-5 pieces of celery (about 1 stalk). The cheese masks most of the celery taste so it's pretty tasty.
Excercise: Confession time: I punked out on Monday. The alarm went off at 5:30 and I just could not get motivated to get out of bed. BUT, I sucked it up and worked out every other day of the week!! I'm doing this Jillian Michael's 30-day Shred and it's a great workout! It's only 20 minutes long and it pretty much kicks my butt each week. After the first day, I nearly thought I was going to pass out. Really. I had to lay on the couch after and pray that Oli wouldn't wake up because if she did, I wasn't going to be able to get up to get her. When I told Mike this, he said "You should chug 2 glasses of water before you work out," proving he knows nothing about what your body does after you have a baby. If I drank 2 glasses of water before I worked out, Oli wouldn't be the only person in this house in need of a diaper. I sincerely hope some of you other moms reading this know what I'm talking about. Otherwise, this blog post just got real awkward.
The bad news about my new exercise routine is that I have to get up at 5 to do it, shower, eat, and get Olivia and myself ready for the day. My day is truly a marathon! I did decide to give myself a rest day (it's today). I feel a little guilty about it but I know it's reasonable to not work out 7 days a week. Right? Right.
Thoughts/reflections for the week: At the end of this week, I kept thinking "Wow, I've felt really great this week and I've been in a great mood. Wonder what that's about." Then, it hit me that it's probably because of this working out and all of the great endorphins that are being released! I do feel proud of myself for really taking this on and taking an honest look at my eating habits.
When I was telling my sister how serious I am about this, she said "Well, if you are really passionate about eating right and losing weight, you just have to know that a healthy lifestyle sucks." We laughed a lot about that. The truth is, eating healthy isn't always FUN. And that's hard for me because food has always been a social thing for me. I've had to really start thinking about why I eat and what motivates me to work out.
My motivation is Mike & Olivia. As I was doing the jump rope part of my work out one evening, Olivia was a little fussy. "Mommy will be able to jump rope with you one day, Oli, if you give me time to take care of myself,' I panted. I've had to really decide that taking care of ME is just as important as taking care of Olivia and Mike. I want to be able to help her practice soccer or jump rope or whatever it is she's into. I don't want Mike to have to take care of me because I didn't take care of myself.
Alright, here we go week 3!
Diet: Two things happened this week that I NEVER thought I would ever do! I actually counted up the calories I was eating each day and adjusted my diet so that I can actually lose weight. I found some information online about breastfeeding and calorie consumption. The info I found said I'd need to consume 2,700 calories a day for breastfeeding. That seemed a little high for me and it definitely didn't take into account wanting to LOSE weight. I decided to shoot for about 2,500 calories for now. When I added up all of my food for the day, I found out that each day, I was eating 1,900 calories BEFORE dinner!!! That was a big shock to me! I had no idea I was eating that much throughout the day. And rest assured, my dinner is not 600 calories so I already know I'm eating well over 2,500 calories! To be honest, it was probably closer to 3,000. YIKES. So, I made some cuts in my diet but still balancing proteins & carbs.
The second CRAZY thing I did is that I bought...wait for it...CELERY!!! Now, I'm a lover of all things vegetable, except for 2: Beets & Celery. I just feel like someone mistook them for actual good veggies. And, yeah, my mom's tried to disguise celery with peanut butter & raisins and called it "ants on a log" but I was too smart for that. I just scraped the peanut butter and raisins off and put the celery in the trash. But, my sister told me about a snack she's been eating. She eats one of those wedges of Laughing Cow cheese with about 4-5 pieces of celery (about 1 stalk). The cheese masks most of the celery taste so it's pretty tasty.
Excercise: Confession time: I punked out on Monday. The alarm went off at 5:30 and I just could not get motivated to get out of bed. BUT, I sucked it up and worked out every other day of the week!! I'm doing this Jillian Michael's 30-day Shred and it's a great workout! It's only 20 minutes long and it pretty much kicks my butt each week. After the first day, I nearly thought I was going to pass out. Really. I had to lay on the couch after and pray that Oli wouldn't wake up because if she did, I wasn't going to be able to get up to get her. When I told Mike this, he said "You should chug 2 glasses of water before you work out," proving he knows nothing about what your body does after you have a baby. If I drank 2 glasses of water before I worked out, Oli wouldn't be the only person in this house in need of a diaper. I sincerely hope some of you other moms reading this know what I'm talking about. Otherwise, this blog post just got real awkward.
The bad news about my new exercise routine is that I have to get up at 5 to do it, shower, eat, and get Olivia and myself ready for the day. My day is truly a marathon! I did decide to give myself a rest day (it's today). I feel a little guilty about it but I know it's reasonable to not work out 7 days a week. Right? Right.
Thoughts/reflections for the week: At the end of this week, I kept thinking "Wow, I've felt really great this week and I've been in a great mood. Wonder what that's about." Then, it hit me that it's probably because of this working out and all of the great endorphins that are being released! I do feel proud of myself for really taking this on and taking an honest look at my eating habits.
When I was telling my sister how serious I am about this, she said "Well, if you are really passionate about eating right and losing weight, you just have to know that a healthy lifestyle sucks." We laughed a lot about that. The truth is, eating healthy isn't always FUN. And that's hard for me because food has always been a social thing for me. I've had to really start thinking about why I eat and what motivates me to work out.
My motivation is Mike & Olivia. As I was doing the jump rope part of my work out one evening, Olivia was a little fussy. "Mommy will be able to jump rope with you one day, Oli, if you give me time to take care of myself,' I panted. I've had to really decide that taking care of ME is just as important as taking care of Olivia and Mike. I want to be able to help her practice soccer or jump rope or whatever it is she's into. I don't want Mike to have to take care of me because I didn't take care of myself.
Alright, here we go week 3!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
The F Word
Failure. I hate that word. In fact, I've always considered myself to be a failure at failing. I'll be the first (and Mike will be the second!) person to tell you that I think VERY highly of myself. I'm often convinced that everything I do is awesome. When someone doesn't like me or something I've done, I'm genuinely surprised. I'm so convinced that what I think or do is so great that I often feel the need to argue my point until the other person is also convinced that I'm awesome. Seriously. Some might call this arrogance. I've always just thought of it as self-confidence.
BUT, when it comes to my adventures in mommyhood, I feel like I fail a lot and I am constantly doubting myself. I feel like I screw up often and I never know if I'm doing the right thing. And after my confession that I let Oli watch The Real Housewives, you're probably doubting my parenting skills too!
At Oli's daycare they send a daily report home so I can see how she did that day. On Friday, after her first week there, the note from her teacher said that she was a great kid and that I was a great mom. She told me that she was very impressed with me as a mom! "Me?" I thought, "A great mom? Did she get me mixed up with another mom?" I'm always willing to take credit for anything bad that happens but I never take credit for the good. When someone tells me what a great kid Oli is, I usually just give Mike the credit.
Last week, I received calls from 2 girlfriends who told me that they were feeling doubtful and that they felt they were failing as mothers and wives. The craziest thing about this is that these 2 women are the people I call when I need advice. These women who told me they felt like they were letting down their husband or baby, are the people I trust most when I need advice. I admire these women so much and they are FANTASTIC mothers and wives.
What's even crazier is that every, single mom I've talked to has told me they've felt like a failure more than once since they became a mom. So, it seems that ALL moms feel doubtful or like they've failed at some point in this crazy journey! Why is that? Why do we feel like we are failing at times? Why do we doubt ourselves so much when it comes to parenthood?
Funny observation here: I also noticed that I rarely hear men say that they are doubting themselves as fathers or husbands. Rest assured you will never hear my darling husband say "I totally feel like I'm failing as a husband and dad because I haven't changed a diaper in 2 days and I just can't seem to put my dirty socks and underwear in the laundry basket in the mornings." If you do hear him say that, CALL ME IMMEDIATELY!!!
So why do we feel like we've failed so much of the time?
To start, there are about a million opinions and theories on how to be a parent. Every expert out there has a book and a method that teaches you how to raise your child. Because you love your baby, you read so many of those books trying to be the best parent. Then, when you try one of these methods that promises great results and it fails, you feel like maybe it's something YOU did wrong. Surely the expert with all of those extra letters next to their name isn't wrong. So you go back to square one and try to pick another book from among the millions.
Now imagine if you went to the store to purchase a washing machine and the salesman said "I have no idea how this thing works but here are 6,439 owners manuals for you to try. Surely one of them will help you get a load of clothes washed." What???? No way would you purchase that product! But that's how babies are.
Nobody really knows how they work but everyone has an opinion on it. Even doctors don't have all of the answers! I can't tell you how many times I've asked Olivia's doctor a question that I've read 100 experts have an answer to and he shakes his head and says "Well, that's just how babies are," or "Yeah...hmmm...I'm not really sure. Keep an eye on it and call me if it continues." If even he doesn't have all of the answers why do I always feel like I have to?
Then there are the opinions and judgements of other parents. Not only are we hard on ourselves but we are hard on each other! You know you've heard or been a part of those conversations. Those conversations that start a little something like "Did you see her give her son a piece of pizza for lunch?? Pizza! Does she know how fattening and terrible pizza is for kids? My child only eats whole-grain-vegan-fat-free-sugar-free-gluten-free-dairy-free-tasteless rice cakes for lunch. Doesn't she know that's what kids are supposed to eat?"
Why on earth are we judging each other? But we do. We are hard on other parents. Maybe because it makes us feel more secure about our decisions. I have no idea. I'll admit I've been guilty of it though. So, I'm willing to make a deal right now. I won't judge you for letting your kid eat cheetos, you don't judge me for letting mine watch The Real Housewives. Deal?
And let's not forget that the love you have for your baby is the most overwhelming feeling in the world. When you love someone that much you want so badly to do everything right. That can make you doubtful that you are doing anything right at all. The moment you hold that tiny person if your arms, you fall in love with your whole heart. You fall in love with someone you just met. Someone you know nothing about. And someone who gives you NOTHING in return.
If you don't have children, you've probably imagined yourself as a mom and seen yourself holding your baby as she smiles up at you and laughs and plays with you. Well, guess what? That doesn't happen in the beginning. Those smiles take a while and you have to work for them. Olivia didn't smile at all in the beginning and I didn't think she'd ever be happy. I'm pretty sure she didn't like us very much. And although we loved her completely, to be honest, sometimes that feeling was mutual. But we kept at it because that's what parents do.
As a parent you just keep giving and doing everything you can to keep your child healthy, safe, and well taken care of. Having a baby is the first time you ever love someone completely selflessly. Parenthood is the first time we get a glimpse of how completely, how selflessly, God loves us. That kind of love is new, and exciting, and very overwhelming.
I believe that if you hold on to that love and you give that love to your child at all times, you can't possibly be failing. The truth is, you are probably going to screw up. That's okay though because, as our doctor told me once "Stephanie, babies aren't that breakable." Kids are really durable. And just because you let them eat cheetos or watch The Real Housewives doesn't mean they are going to drop out of high school, become a drug dealer, and live in your guest room until they are 40 years old.
I'm tired of feeling like a failure and of hearing women I admire say that they feel like one too. I'm taking a cue from Mike and my pre-baby arrogant self and I'm going to start making a serious effort to take credit for the good stuff too. I'll still screw up and I won't have all of the answers and I'm going to have to just be okay with that. To remind myself just how awesome I am, I'm hanging that note from Oli's teacher on my bathroom mirror so I can see that others see my awesomeness as well. I'm not perfect but I don't have to be. All I have to do is get up every day, give it my best, love my kid like crazy, and enjoy the ride. And I'm doing GREAT at that. Who knows, maybe I'll get that Parent of the Year Award after all!
BUT, when it comes to my adventures in mommyhood, I feel like I fail a lot and I am constantly doubting myself. I feel like I screw up often and I never know if I'm doing the right thing. And after my confession that I let Oli watch The Real Housewives, you're probably doubting my parenting skills too!
At Oli's daycare they send a daily report home so I can see how she did that day. On Friday, after her first week there, the note from her teacher said that she was a great kid and that I was a great mom. She told me that she was very impressed with me as a mom! "Me?" I thought, "A great mom? Did she get me mixed up with another mom?" I'm always willing to take credit for anything bad that happens but I never take credit for the good. When someone tells me what a great kid Oli is, I usually just give Mike the credit.
Last week, I received calls from 2 girlfriends who told me that they were feeling doubtful and that they felt they were failing as mothers and wives. The craziest thing about this is that these 2 women are the people I call when I need advice. These women who told me they felt like they were letting down their husband or baby, are the people I trust most when I need advice. I admire these women so much and they are FANTASTIC mothers and wives.
What's even crazier is that every, single mom I've talked to has told me they've felt like a failure more than once since they became a mom. So, it seems that ALL moms feel doubtful or like they've failed at some point in this crazy journey! Why is that? Why do we feel like we are failing at times? Why do we doubt ourselves so much when it comes to parenthood?
Funny observation here: I also noticed that I rarely hear men say that they are doubting themselves as fathers or husbands. Rest assured you will never hear my darling husband say "I totally feel like I'm failing as a husband and dad because I haven't changed a diaper in 2 days and I just can't seem to put my dirty socks and underwear in the laundry basket in the mornings." If you do hear him say that, CALL ME IMMEDIATELY!!!
So why do we feel like we've failed so much of the time?
To start, there are about a million opinions and theories on how to be a parent. Every expert out there has a book and a method that teaches you how to raise your child. Because you love your baby, you read so many of those books trying to be the best parent. Then, when you try one of these methods that promises great results and it fails, you feel like maybe it's something YOU did wrong. Surely the expert with all of those extra letters next to their name isn't wrong. So you go back to square one and try to pick another book from among the millions.
Now imagine if you went to the store to purchase a washing machine and the salesman said "I have no idea how this thing works but here are 6,439 owners manuals for you to try. Surely one of them will help you get a load of clothes washed." What???? No way would you purchase that product! But that's how babies are.
Nobody really knows how they work but everyone has an opinion on it. Even doctors don't have all of the answers! I can't tell you how many times I've asked Olivia's doctor a question that I've read 100 experts have an answer to and he shakes his head and says "Well, that's just how babies are," or "Yeah...hmmm...I'm not really sure. Keep an eye on it and call me if it continues." If even he doesn't have all of the answers why do I always feel like I have to?
Then there are the opinions and judgements of other parents. Not only are we hard on ourselves but we are hard on each other! You know you've heard or been a part of those conversations. Those conversations that start a little something like "Did you see her give her son a piece of pizza for lunch?? Pizza! Does she know how fattening and terrible pizza is for kids? My child only eats whole-grain-vegan-fat-free-sugar-free-gluten-free-dairy-free-tasteless rice cakes for lunch. Doesn't she know that's what kids are supposed to eat?"
Why on earth are we judging each other? But we do. We are hard on other parents. Maybe because it makes us feel more secure about our decisions. I have no idea. I'll admit I've been guilty of it though. So, I'm willing to make a deal right now. I won't judge you for letting your kid eat cheetos, you don't judge me for letting mine watch The Real Housewives. Deal?
And let's not forget that the love you have for your baby is the most overwhelming feeling in the world. When you love someone that much you want so badly to do everything right. That can make you doubtful that you are doing anything right at all. The moment you hold that tiny person if your arms, you fall in love with your whole heart. You fall in love with someone you just met. Someone you know nothing about. And someone who gives you NOTHING in return.
If you don't have children, you've probably imagined yourself as a mom and seen yourself holding your baby as she smiles up at you and laughs and plays with you. Well, guess what? That doesn't happen in the beginning. Those smiles take a while and you have to work for them. Olivia didn't smile at all in the beginning and I didn't think she'd ever be happy. I'm pretty sure she didn't like us very much. And although we loved her completely, to be honest, sometimes that feeling was mutual. But we kept at it because that's what parents do.
As a parent you just keep giving and doing everything you can to keep your child healthy, safe, and well taken care of. Having a baby is the first time you ever love someone completely selflessly. Parenthood is the first time we get a glimpse of how completely, how selflessly, God loves us. That kind of love is new, and exciting, and very overwhelming.
I believe that if you hold on to that love and you give that love to your child at all times, you can't possibly be failing. The truth is, you are probably going to screw up. That's okay though because, as our doctor told me once "Stephanie, babies aren't that breakable." Kids are really durable. And just because you let them eat cheetos or watch The Real Housewives doesn't mean they are going to drop out of high school, become a drug dealer, and live in your guest room until they are 40 years old.
I'm tired of feeling like a failure and of hearing women I admire say that they feel like one too. I'm taking a cue from Mike and my pre-baby arrogant self and I'm going to start making a serious effort to take credit for the good stuff too. I'll still screw up and I won't have all of the answers and I'm going to have to just be okay with that. To remind myself just how awesome I am, I'm hanging that note from Oli's teacher on my bathroom mirror so I can see that others see my awesomeness as well. I'm not perfect but I don't have to be. All I have to do is get up every day, give it my best, love my kid like crazy, and enjoy the ride. And I'm doing GREAT at that. Who knows, maybe I'll get that Parent of the Year Award after all!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Resolution Update: Week 1
Weight: 172.5 (in all fairness, I had just eaten lunch!)
Diet: I'm happy to report that I did great this week with my food choices!! I think being back at work really helped with food. When I was at home with The Boss Lady, I was putting her first all of the time and eating at different times every day and grabbing whatever was easy. This week though, I did awesome since I was able to plan my lunches in advance and then eat before I was so starving that I grabbed the nearest bag of chips. The other piece of this is that I am breastfeeding so I'm not cutting calories drastically. I did have a cheat day on Saturday. Mike and I split an ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery. The weather was really nice here on Saturday so we sat outside on a bench with Oli and just enjoyed our afternoon together. It was the best cheat day I've ever had.
Excercise: Okay, this was REALLY hard this week! On Monday, I did do some yoga in the morning and I felt great. BUT, on Tuesday (my first day back at work), I tried again and Oli woke up about 20 minutes into it. The rest of the morning was not very pleasant since she wasn't really patient with me making my breakfast and getting ready for work. I was 45 minutes late to drop her off for her first day of daycare. So, here's the deal: Olivia wakes up at 7 every morning. In order to pump, get in a workout, and get in the shower before she gets up, I"ll have to start getting up at 5.
Here's the other deal: I LOVE my sleep. A lot. If you offered me $100 or an extra hour of sleep, I'd probably take the sleep. By now, you probably realize that I value food and sleep over money. That explains a lot. This week, I just decided to focus on getting to daycare and work as close to on time as possible so I just got up at 6 every day and did the best I could. This weekend I did buy a Jillian Michael's DVD (30 day shred) that is just 20 minute workouts. This suggestion was left by a friend last week. Thank you, Jill! This week, I'm going to get up at 5:30 every day to do the 20 minute workouts on the DVD. We'll see how that goes.
Thoughts/Reflections for the Week: Balancing work, family, and this new resolution is a challenge!!! Every day seemed like a race to the finish only to have to get up and do it all over again the next day! While food was easy because I can plan better at work and I'm not being squawked at or drooled on while I'm trying to eat, exercise was tough because I didn't want to spend my time at home with my Sweet Pea exercising and when she went to bed I was exhausted! Even this weekend, I didn't want to waste one second that I had with Mike or Oli. On Saturday morning, we just hung out in our pj's until about 11, playing with her on the floor and dancing around the living room to the hokey pokey. It's a hard balance prioritizing taking care of myself and family time. I feel like I made the right decision by choosing the hokey pokey with Mike and The Boss Lady over exercise. Besides, it was kinda like a work out. I mean, I was out of breath afterward. Of course, that could be because I'm also out of shape!
Okay, so since my wake-up time got moved up to 5:30, I'd better head to bed!
Diet: I'm happy to report that I did great this week with my food choices!! I think being back at work really helped with food. When I was at home with The Boss Lady, I was putting her first all of the time and eating at different times every day and grabbing whatever was easy. This week though, I did awesome since I was able to plan my lunches in advance and then eat before I was so starving that I grabbed the nearest bag of chips. The other piece of this is that I am breastfeeding so I'm not cutting calories drastically. I did have a cheat day on Saturday. Mike and I split an ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery. The weather was really nice here on Saturday so we sat outside on a bench with Oli and just enjoyed our afternoon together. It was the best cheat day I've ever had.
Excercise: Okay, this was REALLY hard this week! On Monday, I did do some yoga in the morning and I felt great. BUT, on Tuesday (my first day back at work), I tried again and Oli woke up about 20 minutes into it. The rest of the morning was not very pleasant since she wasn't really patient with me making my breakfast and getting ready for work. I was 45 minutes late to drop her off for her first day of daycare. So, here's the deal: Olivia wakes up at 7 every morning. In order to pump, get in a workout, and get in the shower before she gets up, I"ll have to start getting up at 5.
Here's the other deal: I LOVE my sleep. A lot. If you offered me $100 or an extra hour of sleep, I'd probably take the sleep. By now, you probably realize that I value food and sleep over money. That explains a lot. This week, I just decided to focus on getting to daycare and work as close to on time as possible so I just got up at 6 every day and did the best I could. This weekend I did buy a Jillian Michael's DVD (30 day shred) that is just 20 minute workouts. This suggestion was left by a friend last week. Thank you, Jill! This week, I'm going to get up at 5:30 every day to do the 20 minute workouts on the DVD. We'll see how that goes.
Thoughts/Reflections for the Week: Balancing work, family, and this new resolution is a challenge!!! Every day seemed like a race to the finish only to have to get up and do it all over again the next day! While food was easy because I can plan better at work and I'm not being squawked at or drooled on while I'm trying to eat, exercise was tough because I didn't want to spend my time at home with my Sweet Pea exercising and when she went to bed I was exhausted! Even this weekend, I didn't want to waste one second that I had with Mike or Oli. On Saturday morning, we just hung out in our pj's until about 11, playing with her on the floor and dancing around the living room to the hokey pokey. It's a hard balance prioritizing taking care of myself and family time. I feel like I made the right decision by choosing the hokey pokey with Mike and The Boss Lady over exercise. Besides, it was kinda like a work out. I mean, I was out of breath afterward. Of course, that could be because I'm also out of shape!
Okay, so since my wake-up time got moved up to 5:30, I'd better head to bed!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Roll on!
Olivia is officially on a roll! She has rolled a little on and off over the past 2 months but she didn't seem to be very motivated to do it often. Now, she's really on the move and does not want to stay on her back!
Oh, and the Black Eyed Peas really seem to get her moving!
Jeez, there are a lot of "!" in this post!! Can you tell how excited we are about Oli's new skill?!?! Oh the things that excite us in the Land of Parenthood...
Oh, and the Black Eyed Peas really seem to get her moving!
Jeez, there are a lot of "!" in this post!! Can you tell how excited we are about Oli's new skill?!?! Oh the things that excite us in the Land of Parenthood...
Friday, January 7, 2011
Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It's off to work I go!
I made it! Yes, I officially finished my first week of being back at work AND Olivia's first week in daycare! As of Tuesday, I am back at work full time since August 20. I'm happy to report that Olivia and I both did very well and I'm going to go out on a limb here and just say that this week was FANTASTIC!
I have to admit, I was very nervous leading up to Tuesday though. The week before, every day just seemed like a terrible countdown to me. Each day I'd think, "Today is my last Wednesday at home with Olivia..." or "Today is my last Thursday at home with Olivia..." You get the point. I was really struck with the reality of what was about to happen.
The interesting thing about how sad I was feeling is that I really WANT to go back to work. I was really looking forward to it. I love my job and I was so excited about getting back into my work. Like most working moms, though, I was feeling torn. I loved my time at home with my sweet girl. I loved our slow mornings, watching Lifetime and playing on her play mat. I loved our lunch dates with my other mom friends. I loved our late afternoon naps. I wanted to have my work and my "me" time AND I wanted to spend every second with my kiddo. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.
I love my daughter so much and I wasn't sure I was ready to let go of her just yet. When I was pregnant with Oli, I was so ready for her to be here so I could meet her and hold her. I wasn't one of those women who LOVED being pregnant. I mean, it was pretty cool and very special but you won't see me signing up for surrogacy any time soon. But then, she was born and I suddenly realized that she wasn't just mine anymore. See, while I was pregnant, I was the only person who got to spend time with her and get to know her. I didn't realize until it was over just how special that time with her was. It was like we were in our own little bubble. Then she was born and suddenly more people were a part of our bubble. And sharing her with everyone else was hard too but they were family and friends and people I trusted.
I don't mean to sound crazy or possessive here but there is just something about sharing a body with someone that bonds you to them in a way that's difficult to explain. It's hard to let go of that sometimes. It's hard to look at your baby and know that she doesn't belong to just you anymore.
And now, she's really going out into the world. She's going out into the world to meet and get to know people I don't even know that well. And that scared me. My little girl wasn't going to be all mine anymore. I just wasn't sure I was ready to give her up. But I knew I couldn't be a stay-at-home mom.
I believe that we all have a calling in life. I was and am called to be at work. My job there is not done yet and I need to go back. The truth is, I sucked at being a stay-at-home mom. I had no schedule, I took lots of naps, and we were doing different things at different times every day. When I dropped Olivia off at daycare, the music teacher was coming into the nursery to have music time with the kids. Music time! The only music Oli ever heard at this house was the theme song to The Real Housewives of New Jersey, New York, Atlanta, Orange County, and Beverly Hills. And the daycare has like a million cool toys and things for her to play with and on. They have activities for the babies all day. I just don't have the discipline to stay at home with my child and do all of that stuff.
In fact, I'm not sure how anyone does it. My stay-at-home mom friends get so much respect from me. THAT is a tough job. I used to say things like "If I was a stay-at-home mom, I'd have dinner on the table every night and have my house cleaned. How hard could it be?" Well, to all my stay-at-home mom friends, please consider this my very public apology. I was wrong. So wrong. It's really hard to even find time to fix your own hair when you are at home with a baby all day. To be a stay-at-home mom, you have to have a lot of discipline. Or drink heavily. Probably a little of both. All of the stay-at-home moms I know deserve an award. Or a case of liquor.
As a mom, sometimes it feels like you can't win though. When you are at home, you crave adult conversation and work that you get a paycheck for. When you are at work, you miss your kid and wonder what they are up to all day. It's so hard to embrace our calling at times.
That's what I'm doing though, I'm embracing my calling as a working mom. Because I had a great week. So did Olivia. Every day that I picked her up she was smiling and happy and when I dropped her off, she greeted her teachers with a huge smile. It's obvious she is comfortable and happy at her daycare. I was also smiling and happy this week. I have greeted each day with a smile on my face and ended it with the same grin.
And I figured out that I don't have to give up my sweet girl at all. Olivia is such an amazing kid and I've learned that the more I share her, the better I get to know her. I get such a thrill out of hearing how other people interact with my angel. Barack Obama's momma wasn't as proud of him becoming president as I was when everyone at her daycare told me what a happy baby Oli is. I know how awesome my kid is and it is even more awesome to see her through others' eyes.
So even though the week was really great, it was also crazy and hectic and getting used to this new schedule is tricky. It's hard to find a balance with work, family, friends, and getting things done around this house. For instance, right now, I keep looking at my carpet which hasn't been vacuumed since who-knows-when and thinking "Maybe we should just get new carpet." Every night I am ready to fall straight into bed after our whirlwind of a day. But I am seriously loving it. The day is exciting and fun and I cherish every second with my girl.
The funniest part of this week was the first morning I dropped her off. I saw other parents dropping their kids off and I thought, "Wow, I'm really doing this. I'm really dropping my kid off at daycare. I'm like a real live grown-up." I'm not sure why it happened then but I suddenly realized that I am a PARENT. Yes, a real parent. With real responsibilities. Whoa.
So, I was late every day and I forgot something every day and my house is in total disarray but I made it. I survived my first week as a working mom. Actually, I'll give myself more credit here. I did better than just survive. I kinda rocked it. Sure, in order to keep up with things around here I may need a housekeeper...and a gardener...and a cook...and a personal assistant...anyway, the point is I did it! And now I will take my working mom self to bed. After all, tomorrow's Saturday and we all know what that means in the world of parenthood--not a damn thing. My real job, my job as a mom, is 24/7. Good thing that's my calling too.
I have to admit, I was very nervous leading up to Tuesday though. The week before, every day just seemed like a terrible countdown to me. Each day I'd think, "Today is my last Wednesday at home with Olivia..." or "Today is my last Thursday at home with Olivia..." You get the point. I was really struck with the reality of what was about to happen.
The interesting thing about how sad I was feeling is that I really WANT to go back to work. I was really looking forward to it. I love my job and I was so excited about getting back into my work. Like most working moms, though, I was feeling torn. I loved my time at home with my sweet girl. I loved our slow mornings, watching Lifetime and playing on her play mat. I loved our lunch dates with my other mom friends. I loved our late afternoon naps. I wanted to have my work and my "me" time AND I wanted to spend every second with my kiddo. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.
I love my daughter so much and I wasn't sure I was ready to let go of her just yet. When I was pregnant with Oli, I was so ready for her to be here so I could meet her and hold her. I wasn't one of those women who LOVED being pregnant. I mean, it was pretty cool and very special but you won't see me signing up for surrogacy any time soon. But then, she was born and I suddenly realized that she wasn't just mine anymore. See, while I was pregnant, I was the only person who got to spend time with her and get to know her. I didn't realize until it was over just how special that time with her was. It was like we were in our own little bubble. Then she was born and suddenly more people were a part of our bubble. And sharing her with everyone else was hard too but they were family and friends and people I trusted.
I don't mean to sound crazy or possessive here but there is just something about sharing a body with someone that bonds you to them in a way that's difficult to explain. It's hard to let go of that sometimes. It's hard to look at your baby and know that she doesn't belong to just you anymore.
And now, she's really going out into the world. She's going out into the world to meet and get to know people I don't even know that well. And that scared me. My little girl wasn't going to be all mine anymore. I just wasn't sure I was ready to give her up. But I knew I couldn't be a stay-at-home mom.
I believe that we all have a calling in life. I was and am called to be at work. My job there is not done yet and I need to go back. The truth is, I sucked at being a stay-at-home mom. I had no schedule, I took lots of naps, and we were doing different things at different times every day. When I dropped Olivia off at daycare, the music teacher was coming into the nursery to have music time with the kids. Music time! The only music Oli ever heard at this house was the theme song to The Real Housewives of New Jersey, New York, Atlanta, Orange County, and Beverly Hills. And the daycare has like a million cool toys and things for her to play with and on. They have activities for the babies all day. I just don't have the discipline to stay at home with my child and do all of that stuff.
In fact, I'm not sure how anyone does it. My stay-at-home mom friends get so much respect from me. THAT is a tough job. I used to say things like "If I was a stay-at-home mom, I'd have dinner on the table every night and have my house cleaned. How hard could it be?" Well, to all my stay-at-home mom friends, please consider this my very public apology. I was wrong. So wrong. It's really hard to even find time to fix your own hair when you are at home with a baby all day. To be a stay-at-home mom, you have to have a lot of discipline. Or drink heavily. Probably a little of both. All of the stay-at-home moms I know deserve an award. Or a case of liquor.
As a mom, sometimes it feels like you can't win though. When you are at home, you crave adult conversation and work that you get a paycheck for. When you are at work, you miss your kid and wonder what they are up to all day. It's so hard to embrace our calling at times.
That's what I'm doing though, I'm embracing my calling as a working mom. Because I had a great week. So did Olivia. Every day that I picked her up she was smiling and happy and when I dropped her off, she greeted her teachers with a huge smile. It's obvious she is comfortable and happy at her daycare. I was also smiling and happy this week. I have greeted each day with a smile on my face and ended it with the same grin.
And I figured out that I don't have to give up my sweet girl at all. Olivia is such an amazing kid and I've learned that the more I share her, the better I get to know her. I get such a thrill out of hearing how other people interact with my angel. Barack Obama's momma wasn't as proud of him becoming president as I was when everyone at her daycare told me what a happy baby Oli is. I know how awesome my kid is and it is even more awesome to see her through others' eyes.
So even though the week was really great, it was also crazy and hectic and getting used to this new schedule is tricky. It's hard to find a balance with work, family, friends, and getting things done around this house. For instance, right now, I keep looking at my carpet which hasn't been vacuumed since who-knows-when and thinking "Maybe we should just get new carpet." Every night I am ready to fall straight into bed after our whirlwind of a day. But I am seriously loving it. The day is exciting and fun and I cherish every second with my girl.
The funniest part of this week was the first morning I dropped her off. I saw other parents dropping their kids off and I thought, "Wow, I'm really doing this. I'm really dropping my kid off at daycare. I'm like a real live grown-up." I'm not sure why it happened then but I suddenly realized that I am a PARENT. Yes, a real parent. With real responsibilities. Whoa.
So, I was late every day and I forgot something every day and my house is in total disarray but I made it. I survived my first week as a working mom. Actually, I'll give myself more credit here. I did better than just survive. I kinda rocked it. Sure, in order to keep up with things around here I may need a housekeeper...and a gardener...and a cook...and a personal assistant...anyway, the point is I did it! And now I will take my working mom self to bed. After all, tomorrow's Saturday and we all know what that means in the world of parenthood--not a damn thing. My real job, my job as a mom, is 24/7. Good thing that's my calling too.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
My New Year's Resolution--For REAL this time!!
Happy New Year!!! Yes, it's that time of year again when everyone makes their resolutions and then sticks to them for about the first week. Or first day. I'll be honest, I'm usually in the "first day" category. My resolutions have ranged from cleaning up my language, to reading more, to not gossiping, and to the ever popular WEIGHT LOSS.
As you can imagine, this year, weight loss is heavy on my mind. And not just because I want to look good in a bathing suit when that season rolls around again. In fact, at this rate, I'm kind of hoping the newest look in swimwear is a sweat suit. My new and ample curves make it hard not to think about losing a little weight this year.
Usually, my weight loss resolution looks something like this:
1. Lose 25 pounds in 3 weeks
2. Never EVER eat a drop of sugar
3. Never EVER eat fried food
4. Work out twice a day, 7 days a week
5. Stock up on super low-fat, low calorie foods like soup and carrots. Yum. Soup. And carrots.
Sound extreme? Yep. And I bet every woman that read that has, or has had at some point, that exact same plan. There are multiple problems with this resolution though.
Problem number 1: I LOVE food. I mean: I. LOVE. FOOD. If you offered me a choice between $100 and a chili cheeseburger, I'd probably choose the burger and eat it on the spot. And even more, I LOVE sugar. A LOT. I love sugar so much that if you put it on tree bark, I'd probably eat that too. To top it off, I live in the south. Which means that I'm pretty much genetically programmed to love fried food. No really, it's genetic.
Problem number 2: That kind of diet just isn't realistic or healthy. Soup and carrots??? I've seriously tried that before. And I was so light headed and delirious from hunger that I accidentally drove my car to a McDonald's and ordered numbers 1 through 7.
So, here's my REAL resolution this year:
1. Make better food choices
2. Take care of myself better by making time for exercise
3. Really, truly focus on being HEALTHY
This resolution isn't about being skinny or looking like a super model. Quite frankly, I just don't have the time or energy to obtain a super model body. And right now, I feel like I don't even have the time to work out or eat healthy.
This resolution is about making better food choices and MAKING the time for ME. The reality is that I don't always have the time to work out or take care of myself. But, if I want to be around for my sweet daughter and husband, I have to start making the time. Having a family is not a good excuse for putting my health in jeopardy. I owe it to Mike and Olivia to take better care of myself. Most of all, I owe it to myself to take better care of me.
When you have a baby, you suddenly become responsible for the life of this little person and you'll do anything to make sure that person is healthy and safe. You spend all day every day making sure that your angel baby is okay. Then, one day, you look at pictures from New Year's Eve and think, "Hey, I don't remember that fat chick being at the party..." Oh, wait...
I want to be healthy again. I want to know that my weight is a healthy weight. I want to look in a mirror or at pictures and really feel good about myself. As a mom, I deserve and I need to be healthy--for me and my family.
Now that's not going to be easy. For instance, tonight I had every intention of doing some yoga after I put The Boss Lady to bed. But, The Boss Lady likes to remind me that my intentions don't mean a hill of beans to her and she has been fighting her bedtime for the last hour. So much for yoga tonight. BUT that doesn't mean I can't still make good health decisions. I can still choose better foods. I can still try to squeeze in a yoga routine or a walk every now and then.
Why even write about this? Because I need some accountability!! I have almost no will power and I'm hoping that if I set up some real expectations for myself I'll be able to stick to them. I'm setting realistic weight loss goals and I'm going to weigh myself weekly. I'll make better food choices and I'll still allow myself a "cheat" day (Sunday). That doesn't mean I'll allow myself a half gallon of Blue Bell...mmmmmm...Blue Bell...Wait, what was I saying?? Oh yeah, my cheat day. This new resolution doesn't mean never being able to have a brownie. It just means not being able to eat the whole pan of brownies. Now I have to stop talking about Blue Bell or brownies or I might just derail tonight!
So, I'm putting it out there. As of today, I weigh 172 pounds according to the scale in my bathroom. I was just recently at my doctor's office and I saw my chart. Next to my weight, the chart said "Chubby McChubberston." Okay, it didn't say that but it did say "Overweight." The hard core truth is that I was a little overweight before I had a baby. I'm going to change that status on that chart.
Starting today, I will make better choices for ME so that I can enjoy my life with Mike and Oli. The holidays are over and it's time to put away the maternity pants for good! It's time to start taking my health seriously. I'll update this blog every Sunday with my weight. I know these changes will be hard and I will probably dream about eating junk food. I've already started off on the right track though! I made a menu for myself this week for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I'm going to work on finding a time when I can do a quick workout 3 days a week.
This isn't going to be a weight loss blog but it will be a way for me to be accountable for my choices. Prayers are needed and welcome! Okay, now off to bed for me! I have a yoga workout to squeeze in in the morning!
As you can imagine, this year, weight loss is heavy on my mind. And not just because I want to look good in a bathing suit when that season rolls around again. In fact, at this rate, I'm kind of hoping the newest look in swimwear is a sweat suit. My new and ample curves make it hard not to think about losing a little weight this year.
Usually, my weight loss resolution looks something like this:
1. Lose 25 pounds in 3 weeks
2. Never EVER eat a drop of sugar
3. Never EVER eat fried food
4. Work out twice a day, 7 days a week
5. Stock up on super low-fat, low calorie foods like soup and carrots. Yum. Soup. And carrots.
Sound extreme? Yep. And I bet every woman that read that has, or has had at some point, that exact same plan. There are multiple problems with this resolution though.
Problem number 1: I LOVE food. I mean: I. LOVE. FOOD. If you offered me a choice between $100 and a chili cheeseburger, I'd probably choose the burger and eat it on the spot. And even more, I LOVE sugar. A LOT. I love sugar so much that if you put it on tree bark, I'd probably eat that too. To top it off, I live in the south. Which means that I'm pretty much genetically programmed to love fried food. No really, it's genetic.
Problem number 2: That kind of diet just isn't realistic or healthy. Soup and carrots??? I've seriously tried that before. And I was so light headed and delirious from hunger that I accidentally drove my car to a McDonald's and ordered numbers 1 through 7.
So, here's my REAL resolution this year:
1. Make better food choices
2. Take care of myself better by making time for exercise
3. Really, truly focus on being HEALTHY
This resolution isn't about being skinny or looking like a super model. Quite frankly, I just don't have the time or energy to obtain a super model body. And right now, I feel like I don't even have the time to work out or eat healthy.
This resolution is about making better food choices and MAKING the time for ME. The reality is that I don't always have the time to work out or take care of myself. But, if I want to be around for my sweet daughter and husband, I have to start making the time. Having a family is not a good excuse for putting my health in jeopardy. I owe it to Mike and Olivia to take better care of myself. Most of all, I owe it to myself to take better care of me.
When you have a baby, you suddenly become responsible for the life of this little person and you'll do anything to make sure that person is healthy and safe. You spend all day every day making sure that your angel baby is okay. Then, one day, you look at pictures from New Year's Eve and think, "Hey, I don't remember that fat chick being at the party..." Oh, wait...
I want to be healthy again. I want to know that my weight is a healthy weight. I want to look in a mirror or at pictures and really feel good about myself. As a mom, I deserve and I need to be healthy--for me and my family.
Now that's not going to be easy. For instance, tonight I had every intention of doing some yoga after I put The Boss Lady to bed. But, The Boss Lady likes to remind me that my intentions don't mean a hill of beans to her and she has been fighting her bedtime for the last hour. So much for yoga tonight. BUT that doesn't mean I can't still make good health decisions. I can still choose better foods. I can still try to squeeze in a yoga routine or a walk every now and then.
Why even write about this? Because I need some accountability!! I have almost no will power and I'm hoping that if I set up some real expectations for myself I'll be able to stick to them. I'm setting realistic weight loss goals and I'm going to weigh myself weekly. I'll make better food choices and I'll still allow myself a "cheat" day (Sunday). That doesn't mean I'll allow myself a half gallon of Blue Bell...mmmmmm...Blue Bell...Wait, what was I saying?? Oh yeah, my cheat day. This new resolution doesn't mean never being able to have a brownie. It just means not being able to eat the whole pan of brownies. Now I have to stop talking about Blue Bell or brownies or I might just derail tonight!
So, I'm putting it out there. As of today, I weigh 172 pounds according to the scale in my bathroom. I was just recently at my doctor's office and I saw my chart. Next to my weight, the chart said "Chubby McChubberston." Okay, it didn't say that but it did say "Overweight." The hard core truth is that I was a little overweight before I had a baby. I'm going to change that status on that chart.
Starting today, I will make better choices for ME so that I can enjoy my life with Mike and Oli. The holidays are over and it's time to put away the maternity pants for good! It's time to start taking my health seriously. I'll update this blog every Sunday with my weight. I know these changes will be hard and I will probably dream about eating junk food. I've already started off on the right track though! I made a menu for myself this week for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I'm going to work on finding a time when I can do a quick workout 3 days a week.
This isn't going to be a weight loss blog but it will be a way for me to be accountable for my choices. Prayers are needed and welcome! Okay, now off to bed for me! I have a yoga workout to squeeze in in the morning!
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