Olivia plays peek-a-boo...sort of

Okay, so I feel like I've been on a big video kick lately but we are at that stage where Oli is doing so many cool, new things and I want to capture all of them!

AND, I wanted to post this because for all of the crazy, chaotic, not-so-fun times in parenthood, there are many more funny moments.

If you are watching this and you DON'T have kids, you might be thinking "Oh, that poor baby! They just stood there and laughed at her instead of helping." But, trust me, if you decide to embark on this journey, you, too, will someday stand and laugh at your child. It's kind of like payback for all of the times they make you feel like beating your head on a wall. Sometimes, God just gives us a moment to laugh.

For the record, we did NOT put this swaddle on her! Mike had put her in her crib so we could get ready for the day. When we went to get her, this is how we found her. She just couldn't figure out how to get the swaddle off. This kid is a trip!

The other sweet baby in the video is Tessa, the daughter of our friends Randi & Tim. You can tell she's a little confused as to how our silly baby managed to do this!

Quotes & Conversations from the Land of Parenthood

Even though we are only 3 & 1/2 months into this journey, Mike and I have already done a little reminiscing about how we felt and the things we said and did in those first few weeks when The Boss Lady moved in to our home. Most things, we are able to laugh about now and we wanted to share a few of our most memorable quotes and conversations.
***
Mike AND Me: "Olivia, you are pretty much guaranteeing you'll be an only child."

This was said almost daily in those first few weeks.
***
After several nights and hours of Olivia screaming at us around bedtime,

Mike: "Olivia, maybe you can scream some more and keep daddy up all night so he can't go to work tomorrow and he'll get fired and we'll all be homeless. Wouldn't that be great??"
***
The day after we brought Olivia home, my sister and brother-in-law came over to visit. My sister was holding Olivia while she was sleeping and she asked, "Is she always this lethargic?"

Not knowing that most newborns sleep so deeply that you can fold them into pretzels, I, of course, freaked out. "I don't know! I've only known her for 4 days! Mike, call the doctor!!! Olivia is lethargic!!" was my first-time parent response. We had also found out earlier that day that Olivia had a mild case of jaundice. I knew very little about jaundice but I was convinced it was going to be deadly to my child. Naturally. We were waiting for the doc to call us about that as well.

When the doctor called, I answered the phone. "Ms. Milligan, this is the doctor calling back."

Me:  (sobbing uncontrollably) "I can't talk to you right now, here's my husband."

Mike starts to talk to the doc about what is going on with the jaundice. I start screaming (like really screaming) in the background, "MAKE SURE YOU TELL THE DOCTOR SHE IS LETHARGIC!!!" And I repeated that about 97 times. Just in case he couldn't hear me. From 5 feet away.

Doc: "So, is this your first baby?"

Mike: "Yep."

Doc: "Yeah, I thought so."

So, it seems I'm officially on the Wackadoo List at the doc's office.
***
At Oli's one month birthday,

Me: "Mike, I suck at this motherhood thing."

Mike: "Well, I think we are great parents."

Me: "Yeah, right. What have we done that's so great?"

Mike: "We've kept her alive for one whole month. In my book, that's pretty great."

At Oli's two month birthday,

Me: "Mike, I still feel like I suck at parenthood."

Mike: "Well, we've kept her alive for 2 whole months. That's pretty great."

Me: "Yeah, you said that last month. Surely there's a better standard than that."

Mike: (seriously considering) "Nope. That's about as good as it gets right now."

Me: (seriously considering) "Okay. I'll take it."
***
Mike: "Do we have a 'For Sale' sign anywhere around here?"

Me: "No, why?"

Mike: "I'm going to add it next to our 'It's a Girl' sign."
***
At my 4 week post-partum visit with my OBGYN,

Doc: "So, what are y'all doing for contraception?"

Me: "Yes, please."

Mike: "That depends. Can you do a vasectomy in-house today or should I make an appointment?"
***
Me: "Okay, I quit. Where do I turn in my notice?"

Mike: " Unfortunately, Steph, this is like the Mafia. There's no quitting."
***
Mike: "You know, the thing about this parenthood thing is that you have to just have low expectations. That way, you are never disappointed."
***
Me: "Having a baby makes you bi-polar. I mean, here's this tiny person you created who you love more than life. You love them so much and would do anything for them and you want to run away from them all at the same time."
***
I took Olivia up to Mike's office to meet his coworkers,

Coworker: "Oh my goodness, she's so wonderful. I can't believe y'all talk about how much she cries! She hasn't cried at all here. She is such a good baby!!"

And that's the day I was arrested for assaulting someone at Mike's office.

Okay, not really, but I do think we said something like, "Yeah, we got one of those No Crying models. Neat, huh?"
***
Just a few weeks ago, Mike and I were going to bed and I said, "You know, I remember that this was really hard in the beginning but I can hardly remember why it was so hard."

And Mike proceeded to list every single reason it was so hard. Apparently hormones haven't yet erased his memory.
***
Mike AND Me: "Why in the world would anyone have more than one of these???!!!???"
***
And our most recent,

"Yeah, okay, maybe I could do this again."

I'll let you guess which one of us said that...

Bedtime at the Milligan house

I wonder who our bedtime routine works best for?

From The Boss Lady

Ladies & Gentlemen,

The Boss Lady would like to make a statement,

Hail Mary, full of grace

I LOVE Christmas music. Yes, I am that person who turns on the 24 hour Christmas music station and blasts it until they go back to playing Lite Rock. I love every single rendition of Frosty the Snowman and every year I wonder about that song that talks about telling scary ghost stories and how that's even relevant to Christmas. But I sing along in my car every time I hear it. Loudly.

I love that for one solid month, every song is cheery and bright. Even rap artists take a break from slappin' them hoes to sing their version of Silent Night.

This year, one particular song has really stuck out to me. In it, the artists ask Mary a few questions about her son. They ask if she knew that he would someday walk on water. They ask if she knew that the son she delivered would one day deliver her.

I feel a special kinship with Mary right now. Although our stories are pretty different, I feel like I can relate to her a little, mom to mom. I wish I could sit down with her over a cup of coffee and ask her a few questions of my own.

Like the artists of the song, I also wonder how much she knew about the amazing little boy she was raising. I wonder if she knew just how special he truly was. I wonder if, like every mom, she looked at him when he was just out of the womb and just KNEW he was the most beautiful and amazing baby that had ever been born.

I wonder if she and Joseph watched him sleep and wondered what he would do when he grew up. Did they sit over dinner and talk about how they would fund carpentry school or what on earth they would do if he one day announced he didn't want to go to carpentry school at all?

I wonder if she had moments of doubt when he was screeching at her at 3 in the morning and she couldn't figure out what was wrong. I wonder if she and Joseph ever looked at each other and said "What in the world did we get ourselves into?"

I wonder if she took afternoon naps with Jesus, him sleeping on her chest. When she woke up, did she stare at his tiny face and want to stay in that moment forever? Did she marvel at every single thing he did? Rolling over, smiling, cooing, laughing at the silly faces she and Joseph made at him.

Did she ever want to tuck him back inside of her belly to protect him from all of the craziness of the world? Was she scared when she fully realized why he had been born?

Without a doubt, Mary is a much stronger, more holy, and more patient mother than I am or ever will be. I can't imagine loving a child the way she must have loved Jesus and the way I love Oli, then realizing that he had something to do here that she could not protect him from.

When I look at Oli, I feel such a sense of pride and one-ness with her. She belongs to Mike and me. We belong to each other. But, the truth is, The Boss Lady doesn't really belong to us at all. She was a gift to us, from God, and she belongs to Him. Like Mary and Joseph, Mike and I don't really have any claim over our child at all.

We hope and pray every day though that we will not be asked to do what Jesus' parents had to. I cannot imagine the strength and trust they had to have to let him go.

How did you do it, Mary? How did you watch your son perform miracles and be persecuted for them? How did you trust God so fully?

I like to think I trust God fully with my life, my family, my daughter. But, the kind of trust Mary had is overwhelming and hard to fathom for me. I know that I will never be the woman she was.

Each night, when we put Olivia to bed, we pray over her. I thank God for the miracle she is. I ask Him to help me to deal with her with patience and love the way He always deals with me. I ask Him to keep her healthy and to keep her safe as she sleeps. I pray that she gets a good night of rest for a great day tomorrow. I thank God for trusting me with her. I ask Him to make me worthy of that trust. To make me the mom that she deserves.

God trusted Mary. He trusted her with His ONLY son. Perhaps that's why she was able to trust Him so completely. He had given her an amazing gift in Jesus. He had chosen a woman so holy and so pure to carry the Savior of the world and He trusted her to let him do what he was put here for.

I can only strive to be the mom that Mary was. I strive to trust God the way she trusted Him. And I often close my prayers each night with a devotion to her, my model of motherhood.

Hail Mary, full of grace,

The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women,

and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,

pray for us sinners,

now and at the hour of our death. 

Amen. 

Dating 101

Okay, I'll admit it: I love the After Thanksgiving Day Sales! I was happy not to be out in the craziness on Black Friday this year since I have a little person to tote around but I actually really do love those insane sales. I love the crowds and the excitement and the savings! One of my favorite memories is of my sister and I getting up one Black Friday at around 4 a.m. We headed to Starbucks and then we shopped till we dropped until about 8 or 9 that night. I even kinda loved the adrenaline rush I got when someone shoved me and I turned around all tough-girl like to see who had done it!

This year, though, I took it a little easier and joined some girl friends for a little shopping the Saturday after Thanksgiving. We met up for lunch first and then hit the stores to see what bargains were still going.

I ended up not buying a thing but I loved my girl time and enjoyed getting to engage in some girl talk over lunch. Jenny, Rachel, Heather, and I spent the majority of our time just gabbing over lunch and that was probably my favorite part. These 3 ladies are fantastic and our conversation eventually turned to the most popular topic during a girls' lunch: relationships. The three of them are not yet married so we talked a lot about dating and what's new in the dating world.

It's been almost 6 years since I met Mike and officially took myself off the market but I always enjoy hearing my single girlfriends' stories about their dating lives. I find that as I hear some of their stories now, I often look back at my own dating life and the things I've learned over the years. Of course, I made some goofy dating decisions but I hope I've learned enough to be able to pass on a few gems to my girls and to my daughter in the (hopefully) distant future.

After my lunch on Saturday, I got to thinking about what it would be like when Olivia starts dating. I can't even imagine what it will be like to see her go through that! So, just in case she wants to know what her dear old mom has to say on the subject, here are just a few dating tips for my daughter (and my girls!):

If it walks like a duck...
...and talks like a duck and 20 people tell you it's a duck, chances are, it's a duck. Not clear enough? Okay, if he walks like a World Class Butthole, and talks like a World Class Butthole, and 20 of your friends and family members are calling him a World Class Butthole, chances are, you've snagged yourself a World Class Butthole. Look, I know what they say about opinions but your friends' and family members' opinions should probably count for something. They love you and want to see you happy. So, if they are telling you that your newest love is a Loser, listen. At least a little.

That being said...
...follow your gut. You know when things are not going well in your relationship. This is YOUR relationship and you know better than anyone else how it's actually going. I've been fortunate enough to have family & friends who were willing to stand up and tell me that I was dating a World Class Butthole. But, the truth is, I already knew that. I didn't need someone to tell me that Joe Schmoe was a Super Schmuck. I knew it in my gut. But, I, like all women, have inherited the Curse of Eve. The more you tell me not to eat the apple, the more I want to take a bite. My older sister, Carly, gave me some great advice one time when I was going on and on about the latest goon I was dating. I knew that he was bad for me. I admitted he was bad for me. I told her that all of my friends told me he was bad for me. But, for some reason, I wasn't letting him go. And then she said, "When you get a belly full, you'll let go." I needed to figure out my relationship on my own. And I needed to learn when to let go. That's something that's hard to teach. So, listen to your gut. When you get a belly full, you'll know.

Two halves, don't make a whole.
While that may not be true for 3rd grade fractions, it's 100% true in relationships. Two half people cannot "complete" each other. No, you do not have to be fully grown when you enter into a relationship. Of course, two people can, and probably should, grow together at least a little bit. But, you cannot be a seriously deficient human being when you enter into a relationship with another person. If you do not already have some idea about who you are or what you want to be, take time to do that FIRST. When you are in a relationship where you are trying to figure out who you are or what you want, you are going to get frustrated and you will frustrate the other person. And if you happen to find someone who is seriously deficient, please don't trick yourself into thinking you can heal or fix him. You are not some kind of Girlfriend Messiah.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
If you walk into McDonald's and order a meal, the cashier isn't going to throw in an apple pie just for the heck of it. Why? Because you didn't ask for one. In the world of dating, you get what you ask for. So, if you want to be respected, you have to ask for it. Sometimes you even have to demand it. No, you don't have to be all rude and diva-like about it. You wouldn't tell the cashier at McDonald's to give you your damn apple pie right now, damn it! But, there would be an understanding that if you asked for an apple pie and didn't get it, you probably wouldn't come back to that McDonald's again. Not everyone is going to sell you short, but, it's been my experience that what I didn't ask for in dating, I didn't get. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. You deserve to be respected so don't let anyone get away with not giving you that. Ask for the apple pie.

Know your worth
In order to get the above-mentioned Respect, you have to first know that you are worth it. AND YOU ARE. You are worth a lot more, too. Not sure what you're worth? Ask those who already love you. They know how amazing and special you are. There's a reason that the people in your life stick around to remain your friend. They think you are pretty awesome and for good reason. Because you are. And if anyone ever makes you feel like you are less than that, show them the door. Nobody should ever make you feel bad about yourself. That goes for dating and every other relationship as well. If the other person does or says things that make you feel bad, this is NOT  a healthy relationship. Relationships should build you up and help you grow, not tear you down.

Be in the moment.
I have seen so many women get so caught up in getting the ring or the commitment or the whatever, that they can't enjoy where they are in their relationship. I was one of those women for a short time. After Mike and I had been together for a little over a year, everyone started asking me if I thought he would pop The Question soon. How in the hell would I have known that??? Shouldn't they have been asking HIM?? But, like most women, I kept waiting for a sign that The Question was coming. Every nice dinner we sat down to, I was ready and waiting for it. I practiced my answer, my surprise face, and the way I would announce to family and friends. And when dinner would end and the evening would be over and my left ring finger would be very empty, I would feel a little let down. I realized this had gotten a little out of control during my birthday weekend. Mike planned this amazing weekend and I was just SURE that he was going to ask me to be Mrs. Milligan. But he didn't. And I cried. ON MY BIRTHDAY. Ridiculous. I was so caught up in whether he was going to ask me to marry him that I almost missed out on the fact that this wonderful man had planned a fantastic weekend just for me. That's the weekend I just let it go and decided to just enjoy where we were in our relationship. Three weeks later he asked me to be his wife. And I was GENIUNELY surprised. The phases of a relationship change quickly so try to enjoy them. The minute Mike asked me to marry him, I was no longer a Girlfriend. And I will never again be a Girlfriend. And the minute I said "I do," I was no longer a Fiance. And I will never again be a Fiance. I'm not saying I want to be, but those are phases of my life I can't repeat. So, be in the moment and enjoy where you are.

Have fun!!!
Dating should be fun. If you aren't having fun, stop doing it. There are a lot of interesting people out there. Dating is one fun way to get to know some of those people. I know that you think that marriage is the ultimate goal of dating but have fun and enjoy the journey! Try not to take every single date so seriously that you aren't enjoying the fun of getting ready before a date, talking about it with your girlfriends non-stop before and after, and those butterflies you get when you first sit down to dinner and aren't totally sure where the conversation should start. Seriously, take a deep breath and HAVE FUN!

And most importantly, date only good Catholic boys that your mother approves of. Okay, so that one's for The Boss Lady specifically! ;)

Unfortunately, I'm sure she'll date her share of World Class Buttholes that I do not approve of. I know I dated my fair share before I met Mike. And that's okay. I hope she has fun learning about herself through those experiences. I hope a few nice guys get mixed in so she doesn't start to believe that there are no good men out there. I hope she goes to lunch with her girlfriends on a Saturday afternoon and talks about her date the night before. And most of all, I hope she has FUN!

Because when she does meet Mr. Right, she won't want any reason to ever doubt or look back. When she begins that new journey into the world of marriage, she can leave the dating world behind with fun memories but without a second glance.

Oh so thankful!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

That's how the story of this year's Milligan Thanksgiving begins. The best of times because we got to celebrate The Boss Lady's first Thanksgiving and we got to spend the day surrounded by family. The worst of times because, as usual, I forgot how chaotic and difficult hosting Thanksgiving dinner would be with a new little person in the house!

As usual, we hosted Thanksgiving this year and we got up bright and early Thanksgiving morning to do the Turkey Trot in Ft. Worth. And, as usual, I took several shortcuts to get to the finish line early! Afterward, we headed back to the Milligan casa for mimosas and breakfast casserole and the turkey frying began! So far, so good.

Well, either we forgot to ask The Boss Lady if our plans worked for her or she just didn't understand that her role was to play sweetly on her playmat as we got everything ready for our 1 o'clock lunch. Either way, the day started to get challenging pretty much immediately after we got home from the Turkey Trot. She did pretty good for a while but my sister and I spent most of our prep time juggling her. Needless to say, we were running more than a little late getting things ready.

And then, just as the turkey came out of the fryer, my sweet angel erupted into Nuclear Melt Down Mode.

So there I sat, alone in her room, being screeched at for well over an hour. Nothing would calm her down. She had had enough of our chaos and she was letting me know all about it. I rocked, nursed, sang softly, and swaddled and still the Devil Scream went on. My poor baby was so overwhelmed and just did not know how to find her happy place again.

Oh, and did I mention I hadn't yet showered? Oh, and did I mention that all of our guests had arrived?

I finally got her calmed down and rushed to the shower as Mike began carving the turkey. I went into Warp Speed Mode and spent the time worrying about all of the other things that needed to get done. The stuffing needed to be warmed, cranberry sauce needed to be put out, water glasses needed to be filled, and, well, you get the picture.

When I emerged, to my amazement, all of the preparations had been completed! My family had worked to get everything ready!! The cranberry sauce was out, the turkey was carved, all of our dishes were out and ready to be served.

And that's when I took a deep breath and remembered how very blessed I am. My family is a truly amazing group of people and I needed to have that moment to be reminded that they are here to step in and help out when I need it. That they are here to love me and be a part of my life, not to just show up as "guests" at dinner. They pitch in every year and this is the first year that I TRULY realized just how much they do and how much I need them in my life. I have so very much to be thankful for and I'd like to recognize everyone who was here this Thanksgiving to make it so amazing.

Thank you...

to God who gave me this amazing and crazy life. Who gave me family and friends with whom I am close enough that they can come to my house on Thanksgiving day, see me un-showered and patiently wait while I get showered as they finish the prep for our lunch. To God who gave us all His ONLY child so that we might have everlasting life with Him. Who through that sacrifice allows us to enjoy this life to its fullest. Without His grace, I wouldn't have even been here, amidst all of this chaos, this Thanksgiving Day.

to my incredible husband who deals with all of my craziness in the days before Thanksgiving as I clean the house (and make him help!) and get all of the preparations ready. To the man who sits in the cold every year to fry our turkey and has NEVER complained about it. Who at the end of the day, tells me how great the mac n' cheese was even though it really wasn't.

to my Sweet Pea for teaching me that the best laid plans can be immediately deposited in the trash. My sweet Oli reminds me that life is not about having every single thing in order but about riding the wave and enjoying every precious moment. Thank you, my sweet girl, for being a part of our craziness and for being such a strong little person. I am so VERY happy you are here.

to my sister, Michelle, without whom Thanksgiving, and many other events at this house, would never take place. We jokingly refer to her as my "staff" and she really ought to get paid for all of the work she does. She and my brother-in-law stay the night before Thanksgiving every year and they help tremendously. She is a trooper putting up with me giving orders and I honestly don't know how I would do this without her. I am blessed to call her my sister and best friend.

to my brother-in-law Michael, who sits in the cold with Mike to fry our turkey. I get so much joy out of seeing the two of them sitting in the yard, cold beer in hand, umbrella over the turkey fryer to keep the rain/sleet out, frying the turkey and talking about whatever guys talk about.  He has a huge heart and I am so happy he is a part of my family.

to my mom, Jannette, who got here and got to work immediately when she saw that so much still needed to be done. She brought such a silly and happy presence and I so appreciate her bright attitude when so much chaos is going on! She is a wonderful grandmother to my sweet Oli.

to Aunt Becky and Hannah for driving all the way to The Prairie to join us this year! Thank you so much for entertaining Olivia as Michelle, my mom, and I got everything ready and thank you for embracing the circus that is our life. We loved having you here and hope we get to do it again someday.

to my mother-in-law, Margaret, for making the trip from Albuquerque to be here for Olivia's first Turkey Day, for "baby sitting" her as Mike and I put out Christmas decor this weekend, and for sitting in the backseat with my angel as she Devil Screamed during a 30 minute car ride. For 30 minutes, she tirelessly attempted to settle Oli down with silly faces and sounds. It didn't have much effect on Sweet Pea but it provided some comic relief for Mike and me!

to my sister-in-law, Emily, who rolls up her sleeves every time she is here and knocks out the dishes like a champ! If it were not for her, I wouldn't be able to write this because I'd still be up to my elbows in dishwater. She also left at the beginning of the Cowboys game to drive Mike's grandma back home. She is a total sweetheart and I'm so happy to be able to call her a friend.

to my brother-in-law, Matt, who always shows up with a smile on his face and a happy spirit. He is such a bright spot in our lives. And he is a great uncle to Olivia and had a great time encouraging her to cheer on the Cowboys during the game--even though Olivia is a born Saints fan. I know Mike appreciates him trying to convert her!

to Nana, Mike's paternal grandmother, for being such a classy and amazing lady. She is a kind, strong woman and we admire her so much. Making the trip to our house is difficult for her but she did it with a smile on her face. We are so happy we got to spend this holiday with her.

to all of our family and friends who couldn't be here with us that day but who took the time out of their days to wish us a happy FIRST Thanksgiving with Olivia. It means so much that you all remembered us at such a special time in our lives. We are blessed to have all of you in our lives.

So, as it turns out, it was the BEST of times...

And that's how the story of this year's Milligan Thanksgiving ends.

Olivia's first Turkey Trot

My little turkey!

My brother-in-law, Michael. This is how you'll usually find the guys after the eating is done!

My brother-in-law, Matt

My sweet hubby. Yes, he's sleeping sitting up!

The Boss Lady is following in her uncles' and daddy's footsteps!