Back to "Normal?"

Ever wonder what your life theme song would be if you had one? Last weekend, mine was definitely the circus theme! It seemed that everything that could go wrong did go wrong!

Friday started out with me taking Mike's car to have the oil change and get inspected. I sat in the Jiffy Lube with a very active and fussy 2 & 1/2 month old trying to eat my Chick-fil-a nuggets (which she kicked on the floor) only to be told that the car did not pass inspection and needed a new thing-a-ma-jig to get it up to code. Mike and I made plans to drop his car off at the mechanic's that night.

As we drove his car to the shop, mine started overheating and we had to turn around and go home. We made plans to take my car in to the shop the next morning.

After spilling cat litter all over the dining room floor, breaking 2 wine glasses, and setting off the smoke detector twice thereby waking up The Boss Lady, we FINALLY settled down on the patio by the firepit and tried to unwind with a little help from our good friends Red and White Wine. That's the same night Oli decided not to sleep through the night after a week of having done so. Ever had to get up at 3 a.m. after a few glasses of wine (NO JUDGING!!!) to take care of a small baby?? Good times.

The next morning, we tried to drive my car to the shop and it broke down on the side of the road.

That night we had a date-night planned--dinner and a movie. We got to the restaurant only to discover that we left our movie tickets at home. We went home after dinner and were sound asleep by 10!

On Sunday, our garbage disposal broke. Neat.

We've never looked forward to a Monday so much in our lives!

And amidst all of the chaos, we still had to be parents and take care of our Angel Baby. I had no idea how much more chaotic things can be when you add in taking care of a child!

As I was getting ready for church Sunday morning, I was rocking Olivia with my foot as I blow dried my hair with one hand and brushed my teeth with the other. When Olivia would get settled down, I would run to the laundry room trying to get a few loads done. Then, I'd have to run back to her before she errupted into Nuclear Melt Down Mode. Don't worry, Mike was there helping and doing his own morning chores too!

That's when the thought hit me: "Jeez, I'll be glad when my life gets back to normal."

Normal?? What the heck is that?? This just in for Stephanie:

WELCOME TO YOUR NEW "NORMAL"!!!

Okay, so I know that not every weekend will involve everything in my house breaking. But, my life is a juggling act now. Things are going to happen and I don't get to take a break from The Boss Lady's needs to get things back in order. While she seemed to handle the weekend's insanity pretty well, it was so much harder to get through all of those things with her than it was when it was just Mike and me.

When my brother-in-law made the comment on Sunday that he had been bored that weekend, Mike and I just looked at him with envy in our eyes. Ahhhhhhh, Boredom!! How we miss that feeling!!!!

Unfortunately, Boredom doesn't exist in Crazy Town. And you know what? That's okay. Because for all of the bad chaos, there's a ton of good chaos too. Like getting to see our sweet baby smile and roll over and all of the other amazing milestones. Like getting to put her to bed together and see her sweet face in the mornings. Like getting to have each other to laugh with and drink wine with and hug each other when everything just seems out of control.

The good news here is that the cat litter got vacuumed up, the wine glasses got swept up, the garbage disposal got fixed, and both cars are running very well. And we made it through the chaos together.

The circus theme music might just be following me around for a while after all. This weekend, if we end up on the patio by the firepit with a glass (or 3!) of wine, we'll toast to Crazy Town, our new Normal!

Ten Things You Should Know

As a new mom, I feel it's my responsibility to pass on the knowledge I've accquired. So, I've compiled this little list of 10 things anyone who is about to become a mom or is considering becoming a mom should know:

1. A ponytail is considered an up-do. See? You CAN have fancy hair while running around the house in blue jeans and a t-shirt that looks tye-dyed because of the poop and spit-up stains.

2. So you are one of those women who takes forever to get ready in the morning? No worries. You'll learn to cut that time to about a tenth of what it currently is and learn to get ready faster than a Nascar pit crew can change a flat tire.

3. If you go someplace where there's a long line and you just don't want to wait in it, just start bouncing your baby and saying things like "It's okay, sweetie, I know you haven't eaten in 4 hours, haven't had a nap, and just pooped your diaper, but we are going to be out of here very soon. If you need to cry it out, just go ahead, sugar. Mommy totally understands and is here for you." People will let you go ahead of them. I promise.

4. When you are in the hospital, you are going to feel like you are on top of the world and that nothing could ever go wrong in your life. NEWS FLASH: You feel that way because you are DOPED UP!!! And you have a staff of 800 nurses and doctors waiting on you hand & foot. When you get home, the drugs will wear off and your staff will be gone and your post-pregnancy hormones will punch you in the face. The best thing you can do is hold on to friends and family for dear life and wait for it to be over. It will end and you will have some war wounds to hold over your kid's head at a later date.

5. Ever said the words "Your baby's cry is just so *cute*!!" to a new mom? Well, you are about to get what you deserve for ever having said that. Trust me.

6. Don't EVER wake a sleeping baby!!! Especially if she will sleep 6 hours through the night when you first bring her home. Do. Not. Wake. Her. Even if some ya-hoo who went to school for 16 years and calls himself "doctor" tells you to.

7. You'll learn that you don't really need to watch a tv show or a movie all the way through to get the gist of what's going on. After all, isn't your life amusing and dramatic enough at this point??

8. You'll be amazed by what you learn to do one-handed since your baby wants to be held with the other. Cooking dinner? Check. Paying bills? Check. Peeing in a public restroom while squatting? Check. You'll discover talent you never knew you had!

9. Ever sat in a room with other parents and listened as they talked about their baby's poop and feeding schedule and wondered if they also remove a part of your personality when you have kids??? Welcome to our club. Your new member card is in the mail.

10.  You are about to fall in love. BIG TIME. Get ready for it because it is going to rock your world and you will never be the same. And you won't want to be. Enjoy the ride!

Let's Talk About Sex!

Just a few short weeks ago, I was having lunch with some friends (one of them also a new mom) and the conversation turned to the topic of sex after having a baby. Never did I ever think sex would be such a big deal until I, myself, was facing Post Partum Sex. And, for those of you who don't already know, this is sort of a big deal because after having a baby, you aren't "allowed" to have sex for about 6 weeks.

I have to admit that I was a little nervous about getting back in the game again! At my 4 week post-partum visit with my doctor, she informed Mike and me that we could start again in 2 weeks. I could tell from the look in Mike's eyes that he saw this as Christmas coming early this year. For me, it felt a little like a warning!

Don't get me wrong--I was looking forward to some intimacy with my husband again, but, like I said, I was nervous! After all, I don't exactly have the same body I had pre-baby. My stomach, which has never been washboard-esque, now looks a little like a map of rivers in a country with A LOT of rivers. And my boobs are just humongous. If you are a guy and reading that, you probably think that's hot. But, trust me, it's not. Just last week, I was driving past a small farm and I saw a cow with big swollen udders standing in the field as her calf nursed from her and I had this sudden urge to walk up to her, pat her on the head, and say "I feel ya, sister!" See? Not hot.

The whole lunch conversation got me thinking about sex. And not just in a hot, steamy way. I mean, I have a kid now. A sweet little girl. What would I teach her about sex when the time came?? And, like most parents, I don't want my child to make the same mistakes I made. And I certainly don't want her to learn about such a hot topic from television or some creepy guy.

What would I tell her about doing the deed?? Would I tell her to come to me first and try to be "cool" about the whole thing? Would I tell her to wait to get married? How would she know what to do when the time came for her to make that decision?

It hit me that we have such a crazy view of sex in this country. Most of what young people learn (and most of what I learned) comes from television shows where the portrayal of sex is just outrageous.

Think about it. On tv shows, married sex is just laughable. Most married couples look a little ridiculous. There's the cute, but naggy wife and the buffoon of a husband who's always trying to initiate sex while she swats him away because she's too tired from chasing after the kids all day. Or someone is stressed, or gassy, or just name the excuse for never getting any.

Single sex is portrayed as this exciting, hot, amazing thing. Men and women alike can have lots of it and never get hurt. They have their night of passion and then head back to their apartment to dish about it with their friends. When one of them does get knocked up, they all pitch in to raise the baby and everyone lives happily ever after.

Get real. Look, I'm not judging AT ALL. Because the truth is, I bought into this lie and I had sex before I was married (sorry you had to hear about it this way, Mom.). And guess what? I regret it. And not just for the usual reasons. For a second, let's put aside the moral issues and the risk of disease or unplanned pregnancy. I regret it because it was just a big waste of my time, energy, and heart.

When I could have been spending time with my awesome girlfriends, there I was with Joe Schmoe, feeling uncomfortable and not confident enough to say what felt good or didn't. Then, I'd worry if he would call again or respect me the next day. It just wasn't good. I shared a part of myself that Joe Schmoe didn't have an appreciation for. 

The real truth is that, since I've been married, I've had the greatest sex of my life!! Don't worry, I won't go into detail, but, it's true. The fact is, it's amazing because it has a few things you just can't get outside of a marriage: trust, respect, and total commitment. And, yeah, sometimes we are tired or gassy or whatever but that doesn't mean we don't do it well or often!

I'm not saying we should have tv shows that are all about married sex, but I do think we should stop feeding the lie.

Now, let me get down from my soapbox so I can answer the question you are probably dying to hear the answer to. Did we get back in the game?? Oh yeah, we did!

And when we did, it was just as awesome as it was before having a child. It turns out, I didn't have to feel self-conscious at all about my new "flaws" since having Oli. Mike didn't see all of the imperfections that I do. He saw his wife, the woman whose body carried and fed his child and whose heart belongs completely to him. 

The next morning, I didn't have to worry about whether he would respect me because I already know he does. When he got up to get The Boss Lady and change her diaper, it didn't make the night before any less passionate or meaningful. When he brought her to our room, she laid there between us and we stared at her beautiful face, in awe of this amazing person we made together, and I knew that, yeah, I'll ask her to wait for her husband. Because THIS is worth the wait.

Let the good times ROLL!!!

I cannot believe I am already posting this at just 10 weeks, but my sweet baby just ROLLED OVER!!!! I am so totally stunned by this and a little scared that she is developing so fast! Mike's convinced she'll be crawling soon!

I had no idea this milestone would have me feeling so excited AND a little freaked out! My baby really IS growing so fast!!!

Our Big Night Out!

One of the great things about having a child is getting to experience so many "firsts" in their life. It's like getting to relive all of your favorite experiences! This weekend was, of course, The Boss Lady's first Haloween! We had a great time taking her trick or treating with her cousins and seeing her in her cute ladybug costume!

But, this past weekend was also a HUGE first for Mike and me!!! As you know, Wednesday was our anniversary and we wanted to do something fun to celebrate. The past 2 years, we've taken a trip and that was definitely out of the question this year. So, we decided on a local stay-cation of sorts.

We booked a wine tour in Grapevine for their annual Hallo-Wine tour AND we booked a room at the Gaylord for Saturday night! That's right, it was our FIRST night away from our Sweet Pea!!! My sister and her husband stayed with Oli and I'm happy to report that everyone did GREAT!!!

I have to admit that I was a little nervous going into the weekend. All I had heard from other mom-friends was that the first time away from their child was very tough. And I have to admit that I probably stalled a little leaving the house. I was torn. On one hand, I was so excited to have a day and night with just Mike. On the other, I would miss my sweet girl while I was gone.

After several last minute instructions for my sister and brother-in-law and much prodding from Mike we finally headed out the door!

When we left the house, I was determined not to worry myself sick all day about how Olivia was getting on. I was determined not to cry on the way to the wineries and not to call every half hour to check in. And I didn't do either of those things!!!

BUT, since my sister sometimes knows me better than I know myself, she texted pictures of my angel periodically throughout the day to let me know that things were going well. And for that, I could not be more grateful.

The wine tour was fantastic and I was excited to learn that I'm an extremely cheap drunk now! After nearly a year of not drinking, I was nice and fuzzy after about my 5th tasting. We ate and drank our way through the wineries of Grapevine and then headed to Bob's Chophouse for dinner.

I was so excited to have a real grown-up dinner that I may have over done it just a bit there! One skill I've learned since having a baby is how to inhale my food. Most nights, dinner is like a WWF wrestling match where Mike and I are tagging each other in to make the food, handle the baby, and eat. I was so excited to have more than 5 minutes to eat my dinner and talk to my husband without interruption!

Wine, good food, and a nice, quiet hotel room--this was definitely an amazing anniversary celebration!

As I laid in bed that night, enjoying the lack of the sound of the baby monitor next to my bed, I thought about the great day Mike and I had had. We had even talked about doing this again in February for Valentine's Day!

And then I wondered what it said about me as a mom that I hadn't been upset about leaving Olivia and that I was actually ENJOYING my time away from her?? I was actually planning future get-aways! Hadn't I heard how hard it is to leave your child? What was wrong with me, as a mom, that I didn't feel that way?

I woke at 4 a.m. the next morning with achey boobs (ah, the joys of breastfeeding!) and I knew why I was at peace about being away from my baby.

I am a mom--all of the time. Whether Olivia is 28 steps from me or 28 miles, I will always be her mom. It's not a costume that I put on when it's convenient or fun. Being a mom is who I am. But, I don't need to be with her 24/7 to have that identity. My achey boobs were proof of that! Even my body knew that just 28.4 miles away, a little girl needed her mom for her 4 a.m. feeding. I will always, ALWAYS be connected to her.

When Oli is 40 years old with a child of her own, I know that I will wake in the middle of the night and miss her or wonder what she's doing or what she's thinking. Our nine months of cohabitating my body will keep us connected forever. She is a part of who I am and I am a part of her. Being away from her doesn't change that.

My enjoyment that day and night didn't have anything to do with the ABSENCE of my child. It had everything to do with the PRESENCE of my husband and our time together. Because my other identity is as a wife. And that comes first.

Even when it's hard to leave our daughter, we have to (and want to!) make time for each other so that our marriage can flourish and thrive in this crazy, chaotic world of parenthood. One of the greatest gifts we can give our child is a marriage that lasts and is happy. And we can't be great parents if we don't take time out for ourselves to refuel each other.

We want Olivia to see that being a parent and being a family is about balance. So we are planning lots of nights out in the future and Oli will get to have lots of slumber parties with her aunts & uncles and grandparents.

And when we come home, we'll do just what we did on Sunday. We'll run into the house and scoop our little girl up into our arms and snuggle with her for the rest of the day.



On our wine tour!




We got to come home to our sweet Ladybug!



Tales from the Dark Side

I love sleep. A lot. Maybe a little too much. I mean, is there really anything better than putting on your comfy pj's, climbing in between the cool sheets, resting your head on a soft pillow, and drifting off into dreamland where Brad Pitt and Matthew McConaughey walk around shirtless...okay, well, maybe that's just my dreamland! But the point is that sleep is AWESOME.

We take pride in our ability to sleep here in this house. Mike is able to fall asleep in about 27 seconds and stay asleep regardless of what's going on around him. I'm a great sleeper as well and take so much pleasure in repeatedly hitting the snooze button so I can sleep in just a little more.

But then there's The Boss Lady. For some reason, despite her genetic pre-disposition to love sleep (that's genetic, right???), she just doesn't seem to get it. While, for Mike and me, bedtime is one of the greatest times of the day, for her, it seems to be a time that she morphs into a Gremlin.

Like most (okay, maybe ALL) new parents, Sleep has become our new obsession/mission/worry. Bedtime around here has been nightmarish (to say the least) and I feel like I am constantly counting down the hours until it's time for the Bedtime Battle to begin.

In the Milligan house, bedtime was beginning to feel a lot like this:



Think I'm being a little dramatic?? Then, check out this actual video of our sweet daughter at bedtime:

And that went on for more than 2 hours!!!! That blanket wrapped around her was a swaddle until she thrashed her way out of it.

I recently posted on Facebook that I needed some prayers for our bedtime dilema. At the time, I wasn't even seeking a solution any longer. I was seeking a miracle. I wasn't sure there was any solution for the bedtime trauma that was going on. That post spurred a response of 21 posts on my wall and 3 messages in my inbox.

It seems that sleep is something that EVERY parent obsesses over! And it seems that there are about a million different experts with a million different solutions. Why are we so obsessed with our child's sleep habits?

Before having a kid, I could not understand why parents always talked about this. I mean, sleep deprivation didn't seem like that big of a deal to me. That's how I spent 4 years of college and many Friday and Saturday nights post-college. Who needs sleep that bad??

But it's different when you are a parent. It's different when your sweet baby is crying for you. It's different when you feel like you should be able to meet the needs of your child and you can't. It's just different. And it's hard.

Up until a few days ago, most of our bedtime ritual consisted of Olivia crying and screaming at the top of her lungs, then me crying and screaming at the top of my lungs, then Mike trying to calm us both down. Then all 3 of us would just collapse into bed completely exhausted sometime around midnight. I could not understand how the amazing little girl I spent the entire day with could suddenly be so unhappy. I felt embarassed and sad that I couldn't meet her needs or remain calm and collected enough to make it through the night.

In my quest to find a sleep solution it seemed that I could only find frustration. I have had nights when I've hit the wall--literally. I've had nights when I got in my car and drove with the windows down and the radio turned to full blast while Mike sat with a screaming Oli at home. And I've had nights when I'v had to stop and put my daughter down and leave the room.

From my Facebook posting, I got a lot of great ideas to help with all of this insanity. The best advice someone gave me was to just pick what (we hope) will work for our family, make it happen, and be consistent.

The good news is that we seem to have found a plan that works! The second night, we were all in bed by 10 p.m.!!!

The strange thing is that I was actually a little concerned by how easy it all was going! Motherhood is such a strange mix of emotions. When she's crying, I worry that she's unhappy. When she's not crying I worry that she's sick. Weird, right? I told Mike I was a little weirded out that things were going so well and I couldn't sleep. His response? "Want to watch me??"

So, there I was, laying in bed with a peacefully sleeping baby and husband and I couldn't even get to sleep! Go figure. Welcome to Crazy Town.

A prayer for my daughter

My dear, sweet Olivia,

Today is mine and your dad's 3rd anniversary! Three years ago today, I made the greatest decision of my life when I looked into your father's eyes and said, "I do." The past 3 years have been full of so much love, fun, laughter, and adventure. This year, we've added you to our family and the journey just keeps getting crazier and better!

There are so many things I hope and pray for you, my sweet girl. One of the greatest things I could pray for would be for you to find a love and a marriage like I have found with your dad. I pray that you find a man who is as amazing as your father and that you are as happy as I have been since the day I met him.

I pray that you find a man who puts you second because he puts God first. Marriage isn't always easy and your dad and I have been able to grow together because we make our marriage about something bigger than ourselves. Each morning, no matter how rushed he is to get to work, your dad wakes me to pray with me (and now you!) before we start our days. Each night, we say a prayer over you. Just 2 nights ago, I listened as he prayed over you and it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. And on Sundays, we go to church as a family. Being married to your dad has helped me to grow stronger in my faith and I pray that the man you marry helps you to grow closer to God as well. Often, at the end of the day, your dad will tell me that he prayed for me that day. When he takes the time out of his day to lift me up in prayer, I see the depth of his love for me more clearly than if he uttered 1,000 "I love you's."

I pray that you find a man who makes you laugh. And not just because he's funny, but because he helps you to laugh at yourself. Life is crazy and stressful and wonderful and FUNNY! It's easy to spend so much time worrying and being serious so find someone who puts a smile on your face daily. Find a man who can make you laugh even while you are trying so hard to be angry at him.

I pray that you find a man who makes you feel like the only woman on the planet. I have no idea who your dad's "celebrity crush" is. And I know he's got to think there are other beautiful women out there! But he never makes me feel like I'm second to any other woman. He has been passionate and romantic with me as often when I am in jeans and a t-shirt as he has when I am dressed up.

I pray that you find a man who challenges you to be better--without ever asking you to. Your dad is the kindest and gentlest man I have ever known. He is truly an amazing husband and father and I know he deserves someone just as wonderful. I am challenged each day to be a better person but he has never asked me to change or complained about who I am. He knows and loves ALL OF ME--even the not-so-pretty parts. Since meeting him, I have grown and become more "me" than I had been before him. I have no idea what I did to deserve him, but I'll spend the rest of my life trying to. And he does the same for me.

I pray that you find a man who will some day hold your daughter in his arms and you will see a love in his eyes that no words can describe. In that moment, you'll fall more in love with him and be convinced, yet again, that you have found your match. You'll watch him change her diaper, feed her, hug her, make crazy faces at her, and you'll feel overwhelmed by your love for him. And he'll help keep you sane and smiling when that same sweet little girl makes you feel like you are losing your mind! ;)

I pray that you find a man who makes you feel like you won the lottery every single day. Every evening, when you dad walks through the front door, I feel like it's Christmas day. I get excited to see him when he's been away and when we are together I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

All of these things I pray for you because I know first-hand what it means to have these things in a partner. Your dad is my soul mate and best friend. We are always a team.

I pray that your dad and I can be an example for you of what a healthy marriage looks like. And I pray that you can see clearly how much we love each other and how our love for each other created you. And that someday, you also know how it feels to be married to your soul mate, to the person that God created for you. Your dad and I will be praying for that person for you. Don't ever settle for less, even when it feels like you'll never find him. He's out there and he's worth the wait. I am so happy I never settled. If I had, I wouldn't have you.

And as I always tell your dad, I love you more than all of the stars in the sky.

Love, Mom

October 27, 2007
The day we became a family--Team Milligan!